Wednesday, June 11, 2008

So the scale is gone....

Scale is gone and I feel lost.....

I came home and wanted to run and weigh myself. I knew right then I'm still very trapped in this illness. I do plan on getting some maintenance with the therapist but I also thought that I would continue to journal (blog) my eating disorder and my path to healing.

So many just don't understand the illness. "Just stopping" is no more easier than an addict not only going through detox but truly addressing the issues that lead them to using. I'm trying to do more than just detox (stopping the cycle of binging and purging) but to stop the psychosis. I'm so much better than I use to be but I know that if the scale says a certain number or if my waist line is looking chubby, I'm going to have issues. When my back went out, I gained about 8lbs and this has floored me. I need to be VERY honest. It has me a little wacky.

Understand, this isn't about finding myself attractive per se. The first thing people want to tell me is how they think I'm attractive. Its not about my face but my body. That's the best way I can explain it.

I'm going to continue to write about this. Maybe someone else can be helped by my journey.

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