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Showing posts from October, 2008

selfish

me and you but you and you and you
how do you survive with only you and you and you
what about me and her and him and they
I me my
no we, unless you want it, no they, unless you say so
you hurt, you hurt, you hurt
who hurt you
you
you
you
la la la
you
you
you


selfishness

Power of the Mirror

The power of the Mirror.

Thinking about so situations that some of my friends are in and even myself. When I person harms you, we think they just walk away never looking back. We all have to look in the mirror at some point and deal with how we mistreated or harmed another person we've said we loved, liked, cared, or admired.

God provides a time when we must harvest what we've reaped this is why revenge is unnecessary. We can't walk away from the mirror. We can THINK we are happy and ok with our ill treatment of another but we can never have peace as long think its ok to treat someone badly without apology.

There's nothing you can do if you've been wrong or treated badly but let God handle it. A wise person will wake up and make amends with his/her maker first and then, if possible, ask for forgiveness. But there are some who will never "get it" because they are focused themselves and not how they treat others. God does make all of us face the music…

Happiness

My new gig is cool. I've made my return to HIV/AIDS education and prevention and gender equality. I'm happy.

I'm happy period.

There are so many things that I want to "fix" but I can't. What am I to do?

Nothing. The kid getting her to college is in the prime spot for my focus these days along with all things CWUW. We talk alot about arriving at this stage in her life and her future. I admire my kid because she has come through situations some adults wouldn't be able to handle. I can smile when I look at her. She makes me happy.

Most of my happiness is internal. Its not about things necessarily. I get very excited when I see God's plan manifest. I find incredible joy when I know that God's hand is at work. Its comforting. I've learned that people disappoint and are limited. I don't mean that in a negative way actually but its just how it is. God is limitless. I'm truly embracing HIS plan. There have been disappointments her…

Leave Me Be

Maybe the timing was off just a bit
your world is in confusion
and I am here
but leave me be
Go away and live the life
you've made for you
I'm not the one
to fill the emptiness
in your soul
so leave me be
You call me Queen
beautiful
and special
actions can only touch
me ears
lacking respect for me
and the one that loves you more
Leave me be
to find someone real and true
and honest
full of integrity
not hidden behind insecurities
relationships and secrecy
Another life, you and I
maybe
but for now
leave me be



in the past months - I've just been amazed with the number of "attached" men talking to me......just go away. Go be with your chick. If its not for you, then end it but don't try to become entangled with someone else. Man up and leave or Man up and deal with the complexities of any relationship.....AND leave me be.

ya heard.

:)


Hypocrisy of the Human Condition

GUILTY as charged.

Let me say that before I start my rant.

Ok.

Now, let's go.

I've said so many times that I observe so much and sometimes say so little and I continue to be amazed that people assume they are getting away with whatever.

Doesn't it seem, though, that the very thing we complain about in others, we do ourselves. I've seen folks get up in arms about a situation or this or that. "He did this and I can't believe he did this...." or "How inconsiderate she was....I can't believe"....blah, blah, blah

and then turn around and do the same things to other people.

What is that about? I'm sure I do the same thing so this isn't some indictment of any one person but just how we all need to do a better job of paying attention to our words and deeds. "Treat people as you would like to be treated." Remember that one. And sometimes we think we're doing just that until someone points it out.

Now there are slip ups and yo…

mommy and the kid

Yesterday I realized that I had not seen my kid. Well sorta.....well not really. She's working, playing ball and being a teenager. I sent her a message last night telling her that I missed her. She agreed that we don't see alot of each other. We used to have dinner every payday. It was a way for us to catch up, laugh and be stupid. It was our now famous, "mommy/sydney time". I realized that in me running around for CWUW and her trying to complete her senior year, we have been missing each other.

Today was senior pics. I was running late and when I walked in they were taking pics. I just smiled. She looked so pretty. She handled the whole thing and mom could just walk in and chill.

We came home and just bugged out.

She made me smile.

I love that Kid.

Wilderness

Silence
can loudly express
all that I feel
walking through
the wilderness
no longer in the Valley
but still struggle to find
a clearance
a path
Warrior insight
keeps me moving
up
up
up
knowing I will find my way
guided by
my Spirit
but at times feeling blinded
On today
I see the world
through different
glasses
shades of blues
and yet I rise
Born to lead
born to withstand
life's pressures
regal in every moment
I am
provides my great rewards
Man is cursed for crossing me
and Blessed for loving me
I know my greatness
even through
the darkest
wilderness
always seeing the
forest for the trees
I rise
Twisted mind
only speaking to my spirit
the little girl inside who cries
alone
looking to the heavens for comfort
knowing that I maybe be allowed to
sit in my madness to learn
some lesson
a torturous teachable moment
I feel the battle of my soul
happening as I speak
pushing and pulling
as I'm a wondrous prize
who will win?
can my mind fight off the confused
state that only comes from evil
or will I allow the light that believes in me, win
seeking out the answer in my spirit
searching for the light in the darkness
longing for the love I miss in the loving arms of family gone
positioned as mother, friend, leader
today
wanting to just be me and to be nothing, to no one
tired in my bones

Public Health-Social Service-Community Involvement

Personally, I believe we all have a purpose. Some of people are not called to work with the public and especially with people in need. Its hard for me to switch gears and stop being an advocate even when I'm being treated at the doctors office.

Burn-out is normal for people working in public health and social work. I can tell you from personal experience in working with HIV, its a lot to deal with. Early on, we had to face death daily. You hear horrible stories of abuse, addiction, etc. It does become quite tiresome. When you've become tired, use your vacation. Take a break. Do something. Why would anyone who is already ill want to deal with someone evil in front of them? You're adding to their stresses.

I do understand being tired. There were days would I would allow my staff to close the door and chill. We'd just play music and talk. We needed to take advantage of the downtime and heal ourselves. So I can relate.

I don't care for cynicism. If you'…

Pissin' around your partner

Ok, I heard this dude say this the other day tell his girl, "Stop pissin' around me!" She said, "Oh shut up!" Man, I cracked up. Me and my ex use to yell at each other all the time those exact words.

What does that really mean? You're in a relationship. You dig the person. Why is it a negative thing to show some PDAs all of a sudden?

Cause its all of a sudden AND it reeksssssssssss of marking your territory. I would always laugh it off when the ex would say that to me. He would do the same thing when some brother was staring too hard or whatever. It was was never deep but annoying. I would yell, "Stop touching me!!" and he would laugh cuz he knew I was calling him out on "pissin' around me".

Of course, there are times when you are proud of the person you're with but its all about motives. You know when you're just trying to make a point - 'BACK THE F**K UP!!" LOL

Stop pissin'


Just a little funny observ…

Wake up Call....

Tuesday October 14, 2008

Reminder:

Rhonda, your strength is your discernment, judging motive and intent, judging good and evil.

Use it. Don't be guided by those blinded in their own misgivings.

You are strong. You are smart. Don't reduce yourself to make others feel comfortable in their skin. Make them rise.

You are REAL. Your realness is admired.

Be Rhonda.

at rest

I've laid by your side and kissed your lips
I've embraced her once again, feeling her love as if she never transcended
I've moved through time to see another side of me
I've heard secrets revealed
I've seen the future
I've spoken with the Divine, I've heard his voice so clearly
as birds in the dawn
I've envisioned fanciful tales of knights and ladies
I've rebuked evil in its purest form
I've seen my child grow
I've touched the heavens and the oceans at the same time
I've smiled again, again, and again

I've dreamed.

Revenge

If I gotta learn this learn - ya'll do too! :)
READ!How to Take Revenge
http://www.kencollins.com/disc-29.htm
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
—Romans 12:17-21, NIVIf you have ever been horribly wronged, you have felt an overwhelming desire for revenge.Once, when some kids in my old neighborhood slashed the tires on my car, I found myself consumed with a desire to secretly slash the tires of their cars. Once a young drug addict broke into my house after mi…

sigh....

You know when you get that "thing" in your stomach that tells you something just ain't right. I have that "thing" going on about couple of situations. One, I'm a smart chick. I see even when I don't say. I've blogged before how some people think because you don't say anything OR you give them opportunities (chances) that somehow you can't see the game. That's foolish and its foolish of me because I guess in not saying anything, I'm suggesting that its ok.

Pffst. Whatever.

I watch folks. Their words and deeds need to be in alignment with what they say. We all are hypocrites so I'm not saying that perfection is what I"m looking for but some sort of integrity. You know in customer service they tell you if you give good customer service the customer service, the customer may tell one or two people but if you give bad service they will tell 10 or more. YIKES. That goes along with other forms of relationships. People tal…

Power of saying thank you

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." -- William Arthur Ward, author and teacher



Say thank you.

So simple.

Not having gratitude is dangerous. Burns bridges. Turns people away.

If your business is built on formulating the right types of relationships, its very unwise not to value each contact as if its the road to your success.

Say thank you.

Silence

Over the past few days, in my spirit, all I can hear is "Silence". There is something I want to say and do and God tells me, "Silence".

(sigh, pout, sigh)

Its so arrogant of me to think I can handle it (and everything). Remembering that God can see the outcome, is important but I feel like I need to speak up, say something, defend me, etc, etc.

God says......

Silence....

(sigh)

This is a lesson to be learned. I believe that if we're capable of doing something, let us do it. I'm not a lazy believer BUT I need to be an obedient one. I believe the proverbial crap is about to hit the fan for someone and I guess I wanted to be the one throwing the crap. Yeah, awful but whatever. I do admit my flaws and I swear God's timing is off. (gigglin') He moves so slowwwwwwwwwly. :)

Anyway....if its silence he wants, its silence he gets.

shhhhhhhhh

You Jerk!

Arrogance diminishes wisdom

-an Arabian proverb


Arrogance - offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.

Wisdom - knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Confidence - full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing



Ok, now that I have all the definitions out there, let me get started.

I believe whole-heartedly that people are given talents or "gifts". Everyone. EVERYONE.
Do I need to say it again.....all of us mofos hold within us gifts that serve our purpose here on the planet.

So why are people arrogant? There's a difference in being confident and being arrogant and its funny to watch folks scramble around with the two when you call them out on being an arrogant prick.

"Nah, I'm just confident and people can't handle it."

No, you're an ass.

I think what is even worse is false humility coupled with the bs. To me, it…
It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.
Thomas Paine

SERVE

How do you honor God?

How do you demonstrate your beliefs and your stance?

After the Valley, I actually stopped going to "church" in the traditional sense. I found it full of BS. Please don't misunderstand. I'm as faithful as I've ever been. I remain a follower of Yeshua's teachings but I have distance myself from the "church".

What does the Christian life look like?

Is it full of "Blessed and highly favored" cliche' comments or is it what you DO? I look around and see mega churches and not mega food pantries, shelters and soup kitchens. I look around and see the "church" serving its own members and not reaching out into the community and loving those left out in the cold by their families, friends and yes, the church. I remember teaming with a women's ministry on providing some outreach. The pastor said to her congregation, "We're going to help Rhonda in reaching the unsaved and unchurched." I was …

Friendship deferred

Whose loss is it when you reach out to a friend
and the friend pulls their hand away
they turn as if you
provide nothing needed
but
inside their spirits stir
a feeling of loss, confusion
presents itself with every mention
of your name

What do you do when you know the
reason for the friendship
and you walk in purpose
and the other party is
in darkness
blindly, do you continue
feeling the hurt of a friendship deferred

The revelation of this is purposed
just as much as the reason you're there
Never turning from the purpose or plan
but very disappointed in the outcome
Lost in the notion of what could have been
for a sisterhood gone
And yet knowing my obedience
will be rewarded.

I guess the lesson is that you never
take any relationship for granted, big or small
Seeing them through the eyes of the Most High
who provides guidance in all things
Move towards enlightenment and just
allow God to judge
complete the plan.

confused

love is the possibility of you and me
one gentle kiss on a cheek
caress your lips
with my lips
smile at your smile
longing for you secretly
only letting you know
smallest of emotions
but you are my dream
confused in my reality that seems perfect
my dreams are my desire
God hear my cry for sanity
remove this passion
what is wrong with me
new experiences
cloud my judgment
right from wrong use to be easy
now wrong feels right
and right seems more like
something i'm suppose to do
unreal

clear my mind
and I see
touched you in the midnight hour
day dreams never cease
because you are a part of my soul
too scared to let you go
too scared to move in this reality
visions of you are like
rain drops
so many

love can never be said
but is felt
when I think of you
in the darkness of the night


(wrote with my eyes closed, put down whatever came to mind)

Rhonda's Ramblings.....

Ok, its official, I now know our Life Jam event will be successful because Satan is trying to throw some bumps in the rode. LAST MINUTE stuff.

The person handling sponsorships just got news she may not be able to be at the event because of a conference in Chicago and then I was notified that there's a conference in TN that I need attend for the new gig.

Its weird the stuff I'll stress over and the stuff I'll let go. I'm not worried at all. I'll be at Life Jam and it'll be fun!

Its all a good sign that we're on the right track. We Satan feels the need to get involved, you're doing the right thing.

Yeah!! :)

next......

A friend lost his dad. :( I feel for him and I guess we are all getting to the age this is possibility. Death sucks.

and......

I'm always loving on my kid and braggin'. That's what a momma is suppose to do right but this weekend the kid proved she's a warrior. She was loaded with activities this weekend from work, school a…