Wednesday, October 29, 2008

got God?

selfish

me and you but you and you and you
how do you survive with only you and you and you
what about me and her and him and they
I me my
no we, unless you want it, no they, unless you say so
you hurt, you hurt, you hurt
who hurt you
you
you
you
la la la
you
you
you


selfishness

Power of the Mirror

The power of the Mirror.

Thinking about so situations that some of my friends are in and even myself. When I person harms you, we think they just walk away never looking back. We all have to look in the mirror at some point and deal with how we mistreated or harmed another person we've said we loved, liked, cared, or admired.

God provides a time when we must harvest what we've reaped this is why revenge is unnecessary. We can't walk away from the mirror. We can THINK we are happy and ok with our ill treatment of another but we can never have peace as long think its ok to treat someone badly without apology.

There's nothing you can do if you've been wrong or treated badly but let God handle it. A wise person will wake up and make amends with his/her maker first and then, if possible, ask for forgiveness. But there are some who will never "get it" because they are focused themselves and not how they treat others. God does make all of us face the music and I know I NEVER want that to happen. I try my best to resolve issues when they occur and apologize if I feel I've wronged someone ESPECIALLY someone I've claimed is my love, my friend, etc.

Be good to one another. We all know when we've wronged someone. Sometimes we have to stop being self serving and do the right thing and simply apologize.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Happiness

My new gig is cool. I've made my return to HIV/AIDS education and prevention and gender equality. I'm happy.

I'm happy period.

There are so many things that I want to "fix" but I can't. What am I to do?

Nothing. The kid getting her to college is in the prime spot for my focus these days along with all things CWUW. We talk alot about arriving at this stage in her life and her future. I admire my kid because she has come through situations some adults wouldn't be able to handle. I can smile when I look at her. She makes me happy.

Most of my happiness is internal. Its not about things necessarily. I get very excited when I see God's plan manifest. I find incredible joy when I know that God's hand is at work. Its comforting. I've learned that people disappoint and are limited. I don't mean that in a negative way actually but its just how it is. God is limitless. I'm truly embracing HIS plan. There have been disappointments here and there, mostly in people but I'm learning to see past it. I'm learning to forgive again but I still have an arrogance about folks mistreating me. I believe anyone who messes with me needs to pray for mercy. LOL...I'm very serious. I have NO idea where it comes from but I do feel like that. I don't know if that is wrong or right. It just is.

I think my singlehood is troublesome to folks. I'm good. I feel like I need another break from the "scene" and not that I was really out there. If I get asked one more time, "Why are you single?" I'm gonna scream. I told a guy just a couple of days ago that singlehood has its benefits. He had to stop and think about it and said, "Yeah, that's true too." He quickly told me though that something must be wrong with men in Indy if I'm single. :/ WHATEVER! lol I'm ok. I'm good. My happiness can't be wrapped up in having a relationship. My validation isn't about being a part of a couple. I do believe its GREAT to be a part of team. I love that feeling of two focused folks working it out but I think women are put into a difficult position into believe that if you're single, something is wrong with you. (shrug). I'm happy and that will make getting with me easier for "the dude" whomever that will be because he wouldn't have to make me happy. Yanno.

CWUW, HIV stuff, community stuff - makes me happy. I'm a geek. I went to an STD update and was hyped on the info. I have a book on drugs, behavior and modern society and i'm hyped. I live to be the best servant leader I can be. I feel so blessed to have identified my purpose. Its the oddest thing to have a number of people waiting for CWUW to "blow up". Folks are ready to work for CWUW and get things done. Its pressure but I feel the same. CWUW has made me look at Rhonda. I've had to address my eating disorder and monitor it daily. I've had to accept that I've damaged my body but that I can be healed. I've had to accept ME at 40 and stop longing for ME at 19. She's grown up. I'm happy that I'm healed to the point where I can share my story with other women without embarrassment. God reminds me all the time that I'm blessed and beautiful. To have people think I'm 29 or 30 is too funny but a blessing.

I've made some mistakes and will make some more but I know that every good thing comes from above. God will provide all. I just want to manifest that LOVE daily.

and continue to be happy.



will edit later

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Photobucket

Leave Me Be





Maybe the timing was off just a bit
your world is in confusion
and I am here
but leave me be
Go away and live the life
you've made for you
I'm not the one
to fill the emptiness
in your soul
so leave me be
You call me Queen
beautiful
and special
actions can only touch
me ears
lacking respect for me
and the one that loves you more
Leave me be
to find someone real and true
and honest
full of integrity
not hidden behind insecurities
relationships and secrecy
Another life, you and I
maybe
but for now
leave me be



in the past months - I've just been amazed with the number of "attached" men talking to me......just go away. Go be with your chick. If its not for you, then end it but don't try to become entangled with someone else. Man up and leave or Man up and deal with the complexities of any relationship.....AND leave me be.

ya heard.

:)


nipple to the bottle - Grace Jones

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hypocrisy of the Human Condition

GUILTY as charged.

Let me say that before I start my rant.

Ok.

Now, let's go.

I've said so many times that I observe so much and sometimes say so little and I continue to be amazed that people assume they are getting away with whatever.

Doesn't it seem, though, that the very thing we complain about in others, we do ourselves. I've seen folks get up in arms about a situation or this or that. "He did this and I can't believe he did this...." or "How inconsiderate she was....I can't believe"....blah, blah, blah

and then turn around and do the same things to other people.

What is that about? I'm sure I do the same thing so this isn't some indictment of any one person but just how we all need to do a better job of paying attention to our words and deeds. "Treat people as you would like to be treated." Remember that one. And sometimes we think we're doing just that until someone points it out.

Now there are slip ups and you can forgive those but then there's the BS. Huh No! Some people play dumb so they have an excuse for being an ass and just getting out of something. LAME.

Stop it. The folks you are hurting are smart enough to notice. They feel it. Just stop. Admit to your mistakes. Be honest. Be real.

Why lie? We all are hypocrites. Humans are flawed and we have to acknowledge our flaws. Don't mistreat someone and when called on it....go...."oops". Be Real.


Bottomline....actions speak louder than words. What you do, should match what you say. If you don't want people mistreating you, don't mistreat others as well.

yanno.

mommy and the kid

Yesterday I realized that I had not seen my kid. Well sorta.....well not really. She's working, playing ball and being a teenager. I sent her a message last night telling her that I missed her. She agreed that we don't see alot of each other. We used to have dinner every payday. It was a way for us to catch up, laugh and be stupid. It was our now famous, "mommy/sydney time". I realized that in me running around for CWUW and her trying to complete her senior year, we have been missing each other.

Today was senior pics. I was running late and when I walked in they were taking pics. I just smiled. She looked so pretty. She handled the whole thing and mom could just walk in and chill.

We came home and just bugged out.

She made me smile.

I love that Kid.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wilderness

Silence
can loudly express
all that I feel
walking through
the wilderness
no longer in the Valley
but still struggle to find
a clearance
a path
Warrior insight
keeps me moving
up
up
up
knowing I will find my way
guided by
my Spirit
but at times feeling blinded
On today
I see the world
through different
glasses
shades of blues
and yet I rise
Born to lead
born to withstand
life's pressures
regal in every moment
I am
provides my great rewards
Man is cursed for crossing me
and Blessed for loving me
I know my greatness
even through
the darkest
wilderness
always seeing the
forest for the trees
I rise

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Twisted mind
only speaking to my spirit
the little girl inside who cries
alone
looking to the heavens for comfort
knowing that I maybe be allowed to
sit in my madness to learn
some lesson
a torturous teachable moment
I feel the battle of my soul
happening as I speak
pushing and pulling
as I'm a wondrous prize
who will win?
can my mind fight off the confused
state that only comes from evil
or will I allow the light that believes in me, win
seeking out the answer in my spirit
searching for the light in the darkness
longing for the love I miss in the loving arms of family gone
positioned as mother, friend, leader
today
wanting to just be me and to be nothing, to no one
tired in my bones

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Public Health-Social Service-Community Involvement

Personally, I believe we all have a purpose. Some of people are not called to work with the public and especially with people in need. Its hard for me to switch gears and stop being an advocate even when I'm being treated at the doctors office.

Burn-out is normal for people working in public health and social work. I can tell you from personal experience in working with HIV, its a lot to deal with. Early on, we had to face death daily. You hear horrible stories of abuse, addiction, etc. It does become quite tiresome. When you've become tired, use your vacation. Take a break. Do something. Why would anyone who is already ill want to deal with someone evil in front of them? You're adding to their stresses.

I do understand being tired. There were days would I would allow my staff to close the door and chill. We'd just play music and talk. We needed to take advantage of the downtime and heal ourselves. So I can relate.

I don't care for cynicism. If you've become cynical, then its time for you to leave your field. I know I have gotten very cynical of the HIV arena in Indiana and I had to remove myself from it. It was hard for me to advocate for the women I served because I trust any of the instituations in place who were suppose to care for people who were HIV positive. I'm still fighing through that cynicism. I still care about HIV/AIDS as a vital issue but its very easy for me to become upset with the "industry". I involve myself in ways where my cynicism won't find its way back.

If you're in the business of care, remember that we are charged to be client-centered and CARING. I realize that some folks can get on ya nervous. I know that people taking advantage of the system is troublesome. I know that people will talk to you crazy. I've been called colorful names (ha!) but as the provider (expert), we must learn to adjust and handle all types. Being mean spirited to everyone who walks into your clinic, agency, hospital, etc. only adds to the stresses the client may already have to do with. We just need to check ourselves. We need our own mental health check ups and breaks.

Care for yourself first.


______________________


Lupus - Killer of Black Women

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who is battling Lupus. She is so beautiful. When I saw her, I lit up! We spoke about her battle. We spoke of how hard her journey has been. She so gratiously told me I looked great and God bless her for that cuz this sista has gained 15lbs this year. Believe me, I smiled. She told me her story and I was blessed for it. I'm so blessed for her re-entering my world.

It got me thinking that there isn't enough information about Lupus being disseminated. This is another killer of black women. I know....(sigh) but here's some information. I'm going to also post some stuff on the CWUW blog. This month is about breast cancer awareness and early detection is so very important for black women but there are so many issues that effect our community that its hard to just concentrate on one or two. I think Lupus needs to be put on our radar. Our women are LIVING with this illness and they need our support.

Here's some info about Lupus:
http://www.lupus.org/newsite/index.html

Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can affect various parts of the body, including the skin, joints, heart, lungs, blood, kidneys and brain. Normally the body's immune system makes proteins called antibodies, to protect the body against viruses, bacteria, and other foreign materials. These foreign materials are called antigens.

In an autoimmune disorder like lupus, the immune system cannot tell the difference between foreign substances and its own cells and tissues. The immune system then makes antibodies directed against itself. These antibodies -- called "auto-antibodies" (auto means 'self') -- cause inflammation, pain and damage in various parts of the body.

Inflammation is considered the primary feature of lupus. Inflammation, which in Latin means "set on fire," is characterized by pain, heat, redness, swelling and loss of function, either on the inside or on the outside of the body (or both).

For most people, lupus is a mild disease affecting only a few organs. For others, it may cause serious and even life-threatening problems. Although epidemiological data on lupus is limited, studies suggest that more than 16,000 Americans develop lupus each year.

The Lupus Foundation of America (LFA) estimates between 1.5 - 2 million Americans have a form of lupus, but the actual number may be higher. More than 90 percent of people with lupus are women. Symptoms and diagnosis occur most often when women are in their child-bearing years, between the ages of 15 and 45.

In the United States, lupus is more common in African Americans, Latinos, Asians, and Native Americans than in Caucasians.


Types
There are four types of lupus: discoid, systemic, drug-induced and neonatal lupus.
Discoid (cutaneous) lupus is always limited to the skin. It is identified by a rash that may appear on the face, neck, and scalp. Discoid lupus is diagnosed by examining a biopsy of the rash. In discoid lupus the biopsy will show abnormalities that are not found in skin without the rash. Discoid lupus does not generally involve the body's internal organs. Therefore, the ANA test may be negative in patients with discoid lupus. However, in a large number of patients with discoid lupus, the ANA test is positive, but at a low level or "titer."

In approximately 10 percent of patients, discoid lupus can evolve into the systemic form of the disease, which can affect almost any organ or system of the body. This cannot be predicted or prevented. Treatment of discoid lupus will not prevent its progression to the systemic form. Individuals who progress to the systemic form probably had systemic lupus at the outset, with the discoid rash as their main symptom.

Systemic lupus is usually more severe than discoid lupus, and can affect almost any organ or organ system of the body. For some people, only the skin and joints will be involved. In others, the joints, lungs, kidneys, blood, or other organs and/or tissues may be affected. Generally, no two people with systemic lupus will have identical symptoms. Systemic lupus may include periods in which few, if any, symptoms are evident ("remission") and other times when the disease becomes more active ("flare"). Most often when people mention "lupus," they are referring to the systemic form of the disease.

Drug-induced lupus occurs after the use of certain prescribed drugs. The symptoms of drug-induced lupus are similar to those of systemic lupus. The drugs most commonly connected with drug-induced lupus are hydralazine (used to treat high blood pressure or hypertension) and procainamide (used to treat irregular heart rhythms). Drug induced lupus is more common in men who are given these drugs more often. However, not everyone who takes these drugs will develop drug-induced lupus. Only about 4 percent of the people who take these drugs will develop the antibodies suggestive of lupus. Of those 4 percent, only an extremely small number will develop overt drug-induced lupus. The symptoms usually fade when the medications are discontinued.

Neonatal lupus is a rare condition acquired from the passage of maternal autoantibodies, specifically anti-Ro/SSA or anti-La/SSB, which can affect the skin, heart and blood of the fetus and newborn. It is associated with a rash that appears within the first several weeks of life and may persist for about six months before disappearing. Congenital heart block is much less common than the skin rash. Neonatal lupus is not systemic lupus.

Demographic Information on Lupus
Cases of Lupus

The Lupus Foundation of America estimates that approximate 1.5-million Americans have a form of lupus.

Although lupus can strike men and women of all ages, 90% of individuals diagnosed with the disease are women, and 80% of those afflicted with systemic lupus develop it between the ages of 15 and 45.

Approximately 70% of lupus cases are systemic. In about 50% of these cases, a major organ will be affected.

Discoid lupus (affecting only the skin) accounts for approximately 10% of all cases.
In approximately 10% of all lupus cases, individuals will have symptoms and signs of more than one connective tissue disease, including lupus. A physician may use the term "overlap syndrome" or "mixed connective tissue disease" to describe the illness.

20% of people with lupus will have a parent or sibling who already has lupus or may develop lupus.

Only about 5% of the children born to individuals with lupus will develop the illness.
Lupus is two to three times more prevalent among people of color, including African Americans, Hispanics/Latinos, Asians, and Native Americans.

It is difficult to determine the annual number of new lupus cases, or the number of individuals who die from health complications of the disease. However, due to improved diagnosis and disease management, most people with the disease will go on to live a normal life span.

Pissin' around your partner

Ok, I heard this dude say this the other day tell his girl, "Stop pissin' around me!" She said, "Oh shut up!" Man, I cracked up. Me and my ex use to yell at each other all the time those exact words.

What does that really mean? You're in a relationship. You dig the person. Why is it a negative thing to show some PDAs all of a sudden?

Cause its all of a sudden AND it reeksssssssssss of marking your territory. I would always laugh it off when the ex would say that to me. He would do the same thing when some brother was staring too hard or whatever. It was was never deep but annoying. I would yell, "Stop touching me!!" and he would laugh cuz he knew I was calling him out on "pissin' around me".

Of course, there are times when you are proud of the person you're with but its all about motives. You know when you're just trying to make a point - 'BACK THE F**K UP!!" LOL

Stop pissin'


Just a little funny observation. Good to know me and the ex weren't the only weirdos that would do that with each other. ha!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Wake up Call....

Tuesday October 14, 2008

Reminder:

Rhonda, your strength is your discernment, judging motive and intent, judging good and evil.

Use it. Don't be guided by those blinded in their own misgivings.

You are strong. You are smart. Don't reduce yourself to make others feel comfortable in their skin. Make them rise.

You are REAL. Your realness is admired.

Be Rhonda.

at rest

I've laid by your side and kissed your lips
I've embraced her once again, feeling her love as if she never transcended
I've moved through time to see another side of me
I've heard secrets revealed
I've seen the future
I've spoken with the Divine, I've heard his voice so clearly
as birds in the dawn
I've envisioned fanciful tales of knights and ladies
I've rebuked evil in its purest form
I've seen my child grow
I've touched the heavens and the oceans at the same time
I've smiled again, again, and again

I've dreamed.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Revenge

If I gotta learn this learn - ya'll do too! :)


READ!

How to Take Revenge

http://www.kencollins.com/disc-29.htm


Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
—Romans 12:17-21, NIV

If you have ever been horribly wronged, you have felt an overwhelming desire for revenge.

Once, when some kids in my old neighborhood slashed the tires on my car, I found myself consumed with a desire to secretly slash the tires of their cars. Once a young drug addict broke into my house after midnight and terrorized me for three hours by holding a pair of scissors to my neck while he robbed me. I felt helpless and angry, and at first I wanted to do the same thing to him. I imagined all sorts of things I would do to him to repay him for frightening me.

Another time when I was walking through my neighborhood, a dog began to attack me. The best way to avoid an attacking dog is to stand still and not move, which is what I did, so I was not harmed. But I was angry! I fantasized about taking a club or a spray can of Mace along the next time, and as I finished my walk I regretted not noting the address on the house so I could take my revenge on the dog’s owners by calling the Fairfax County Animal Control Office.

Revenge is a normal, natural fleshly emotion that we all feel from time to time, when we’ve been overwhelmed, or wronged, or overpowered, and were unable to resist or prevail.

But what shall we do in situations like that?

I wrote a story about an anthropologist from outer space named Bobo, who was mugged while walking through Washington, DC. He was outnumbered, so he made no attempt to fight back because he knew he would lose anyway, and at least this way he might cause his attackers to pull their punches. Later, when he was recuperating in the hospital, a psychologist paid him a visit. She recommended that he learn a martial art or carry a weapon so that he could defend himself.

Bobo asked the psychologist for a clarification: “If someone hits me, does this mean I can hit him back? And she said yes. Then Bobo said, “So if he hits me, I can hit him, but if I can hit him, he can hit me again, and so on without ending. That doesn’t seem to be very practical.” But the psychologist insisted that he should ‘defend’ himself. Bobo replied, “But if evil is returned for evil, then evil is propagated and therefore wins!” The psychologist, now very frustrated, protested that it was a nice attitude, but he could be killed. Bobo replied, “I would rather be known for the quality of my life than the length of my days.” The psychologist was speechless and left the room. (loved this story!!)

What is more important to you, to survive a mugging by adopting the value system of the muggers and becoming as one of them, or to die in a mugging as a Christian martyr? I didn’t say this would be an easy question, but what is more important, your limited physical life, or your eternal spiritual life? This is not an academic question. I’ve faced it head on myself. When things get tough, do you trust God, or do you take matters into your own hands? As one who has done both, I recommend trusting God. The outcome is better.

Jesus taught us that our treatment of other people is a function of our own personality and should not be based on what we think they deserve. Paul reflects that teaching here. In other words, if I am a nice person, I will be nice to everyone, not just to people who are nice to me. If I am nice only to people who are nice to me, then I possess no particular virtue, because even nasty people repay niceness with temporary niceness. Gangsters reciprocate kindness, but they reputedly kill the people who offend them. So if you pay back good with good and evil with evil, then you have the same moral code as a gangster. What sort of person are you? How should you comport yourself?

But what about our desires for revenge? Paul has part of the answer, the rest is in the Psalms. Vengeance belongs to God. If you act out of a sense of outrage, you probably won’t think things out before you act. Since you are a human being, you probably won’t know all the pertinent facts, and even if you do, you won’t be in a position to take them soberly into account. Therefore, refer these emotions to God and let God take the revenge. Contract it out to God! Of course, this is only a satisfactory solution if you trust God, so when you contemplate this you’ll find your faith and your sense of spiritual identity coming into consideration. This is not an easy topic to ponder.

If you take revenge, you might feel guilty in the morning when you’ve had a night to sleep on it. If you don’t take revenge, you might burn forever in suppressed anger. But if you defer the matter to God, trusting God to do the right thing, you can retain your dignity and get just revenge at the same time.

The Psalms teach you how to do this. Read Psalm 69, for example, and ponder that it is in the Bible. Some people think that Psalms like this, generically called ‘imprecatory Psalms,’ represent a lower morality where God is invoked as a hit man, but I don’t agree. The imprecatory Psalms validate your anger and permit you to get your lust for revenge out of your system. At the same time, they acknowledge the inadequacy of humans to take just revenge, and defer to God’s judgment.

Adam wore a fig leaf to conceal his nakedness from God. We laugh, because God made him and knew what he looked like. Nevertheless when we pray, we keep things polite and dainty, as if not to offend God. How Adam would laugh at our fig leaf! God made us and knows our emotional dynamics! He knows our lusts and fears and rages, so why do we conceal these things from God in our prayers? Our prayer etiquette is a hypocritical sham, and a major obstacle to our spiritual maturity.

If you feel a need for revenge, tell God about it. Tell Him what you’d like to see done to that person, then defer the whole matter to Him, to do what He sees is fit.

It sounds like foolishness, but it works.

sigh....

You know when you get that "thing" in your stomach that tells you something just ain't right. I have that "thing" going on about couple of situations. One, I'm a smart chick. I see even when I don't say. I've blogged before how some people think because you don't say anything OR you give them opportunities (chances) that somehow you can't see the game. That's foolish and its foolish of me because I guess in not saying anything, I'm suggesting that its ok.

Pffst. Whatever.

I watch folks. Their words and deeds need to be in alignment with what they say. We all are hypocrites so I'm not saying that perfection is what I"m looking for but some sort of integrity. You know in customer service they tell you if you give good customer service the customer service, the customer may tell one or two people but if you give bad service they will tell 10 or more. YIKES. That goes along with other forms of relationships. People talk. Whisper. Who wants that mess? Be real.

Why not be honest with yourself and others? Why play like folks can't see YOU? Folks know when we lie, know when we are full of it, know when we aren't going to keep our word.

I know with doing my org, Integrity is important. Sometimes its hard to maintain but its something we all should strive for everyday. God demands it from us. Stop thinking people can't see YOU. Treat people as you want to be treated.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Power of saying thank you

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." -- William Arthur Ward, author and teacher



Say thank you.

So simple.

Not having gratitude is dangerous. Burns bridges. Turns people away.

If your business is built on formulating the right types of relationships, its very unwise not to value each contact as if its the road to your success.

Say thank you.

Silence

Over the past few days, in my spirit, all I can hear is "Silence". There is something I want to say and do and God tells me, "Silence".

(sigh, pout, sigh)

Its so arrogant of me to think I can handle it (and everything). Remembering that God can see the outcome, is important but I feel like I need to speak up, say something, defend me, etc, etc.

God says......

Silence....

(sigh)

This is a lesson to be learned. I believe that if we're capable of doing something, let us do it. I'm not a lazy believer BUT I need to be an obedient one. I believe the proverbial crap is about to hit the fan for someone and I guess I wanted to be the one throwing the crap. Yeah, awful but whatever. I do admit my flaws and I swear God's timing is off. (gigglin') He moves so slowwwwwwwwwly. :)

Anyway....if its silence he wants, its silence he gets.

shhhhhhhhh

Friday, October 10, 2008

You Jerk!




Arrogance diminishes wisdom

-an Arabian proverb


Arrogance -
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.

Wisdom - knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Confidence - full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing



Ok, now that I have all the definitions out there, let me get started.

I believe whole-heartedly that people are given talents or "gifts". Everyone. EVERYONE.
Do I need to say it again.....all of us mofos hold within us gifts that serve our purpose here on the planet.

So why are people arrogant? There's a difference in being confident and being arrogant and its funny to watch folks scramble around with the two when you call them out on being an arrogant prick.

"Nah, I'm just confident and people can't handle it."

No, you're an ass.

I think what is even worse is false humility coupled with the bs. To me, it all screams, "low self-esteem".

Now, there's nothing wrong with having a LITTLE cockiness, swagger about yourself but true humility comes from knowing that ALL THINGS come from above. You are NOTHING without the Most High. NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGG. So why be arrogant? Why act as if you're better than anyone....everyone's poop stinks. And interesting enough, you're crystal clear. Sometimes we think because folks tolerate our BS that they can't see it. No, we see it but we have some grace for you. We figure you'll figure it out at some point AND we all reap what we sow. If you're putting that sort of vibe out into the world, its coming back to you. You will get smacked in the face.

We can't think that people don't see who we REALLY are.....how arrogant to think people are that dumb or uninsightful. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I do like confident people but I can't stand arrogant ones especially with that fake humility stuff. Its not that deep. As I said, we're all given gifts and talents. Its about HIS plan anyway. Once we give up on trying everything OUR way (arrogance), God opens the right doors and moves in on your behalf (confidence/wisdom). Sometimes we stay stuck because of the person in the mirror. Its not your family, friends, community, Indy, world.....its just YOU. You've misunderstood the plan. You misunderstood how you're to use your talents whatever they maybe. Most importantly, you've forgotten who really is in charge.

Man, Michael Jackson's crazy behind made a good point; start with the man in the mirror.

Arrogance is just simply UGLY.

Arrogance opens the door to being mean-spirited, inconsiderate, and rude. Arrogance TRULY diminishes wisdom. You can't hear from God, you can't see the next step....why...because YOU are in the way. And you looks stupid...

Bottomline....Check yourself. Do you really love yourself? Are you allowing your insecurities to take up too much space? Do you think its ok to be rude and inconsiderate because your time, talent and treasure is more valuable to you? See, be careful. You could be missing so many blessings simply because you're so focused on you. You even become a user. I've seen God strip people of their talents and positions. I've seen him simply just keep blocking blessings because that person was too caught up in what they can do. Too funny.

Be loving. Be honest. Treat people well. You are loved but so am I and the next person and the next.

kill the noise.
It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.
Thomas Paine

Thursday, October 9, 2008

SERVE

How do you honor God?

How do you demonstrate your beliefs and your stance?

After the Valley, I actually stopped going to "church" in the traditional sense. I found it full of BS. Please don't misunderstand. I'm as faithful as I've ever been. I remain a follower of Yeshua's teachings but I have distance myself from the "church".

What does the Christian life look like?

Is it full of "Blessed and highly favored" cliche' comments or is it what you DO? I look around and see mega churches and not mega food pantries, shelters and soup kitchens. I look around and see the "church" serving its own members and not reaching out into the community and loving those left out in the cold by their families, friends and yes, the church. I remember teaming with a women's ministry on providing some outreach. The pastor said to her congregation, "We're going to help Rhonda in reaching the unsaved and unchurched." I was like HUH? I stopped her immediately. I had to let her know that the women I served LOVED God and many are saved but didn't like the church. I let her know that there's so much judgment in the church that it seems the "world" loved them more than the church. She admitted to misspeaking on the topic but it really proved my point. Oddly enough, this particular pastor is excellent in her service but still had a judgment of some of God's children.

Who is today's Christian?

We have one of the biggest health epidemics to ever hit the black community and where is the church? In judgment. When it comes to HIV, the education you'll hear from the pulpit is that we need to save the homosexuals from themselves and from "us". Oh and they may let folks come in to do some testing. (good grief) What about good ol'fashion fornication? If over 70% of black children are born to unwedded parents, I think the problem has less to do with homosexuality, but heterosexuality. The question of the "DL" brother is for another blog BECAUSE in the context talking about the church, christianity - if black women are the least married, why are we having sex? Right? Even though teenage pregnancy is down, black girls still are having more babies. Why? When will the church address the problems with heterosexuality? On any given Sunday, there are MORE heterosexuals sitting in the pews of your church and yet you can bet the pastor is gonna mention and maybe even have an alter call for "them homosexuals". (sigh) Black women are dying and I refuse to victimize us by just laying blame on bisexual brothers. Black women are making some dangerous choices in their sexual relationships. Its time for some tough love and the Church should be on the forefront of this epidemic.


This past week, I was inspired and reminded about what a Christian is suppose to look like and be like. I met Pastor Jim from the Dream Center. The Dream Center works with our homeless neighbors and Pastor Jim is the REAL DEAL. He came in with some jeans and a t-shirt. His boots were worn and all I could see was the Love of Christ represented fully. This man LOVED God. This man truly understood God's charge to us in serving the community. I connected with Pastor Jim. Pastor Jim didn't convert every neighbor he encountered. They were not required to know scripture before he gave them food. They didn't have to tell him what church they belonged to before he gave them a blanket. They didn't have to be saved before he offered them shelter care. All he did was SHOW them Christ through his work. Show and Prove - Right?

How do you SERVE Christ? Going to church 8 times per week was never the charge Christ gave unto his people. He told us to go OUT amongst the people. He told us to SERVE - not just other so-called Christians but anyone in need. The mistake that so many have is that they think a "ministry" only sits underneath a church....WRONG. Woman to Woman was a ministry. CWUW is a ministry. At W2W, we prayed with women that asked for prayer. We had a spiritually based program at Daysprings (a shelter). We gave away bibles. The difference is that GOD lead us in our ministry. I NEVER did anything without the direction of the Holy Spirit. There were times when God would just tell me to hug the person in my presence. He would say, "Tell her I love her and that's it". God knows how to minister to his people. How foolish to think God is only showing up at something deemed a "church". The Church is in you. I take the church with me. Its time for us to wake up and stop playing church. The church needs to stop with the mega buildings that don't serve the communities they're in. Its so annoying to me. To hear bragging from the pulpit about how big the pastor's house is or car.....ugh. What happen to testimonies about a changed spirit, attitude? Pray for ya stuff. Get the money. Get ya bills paid. Get ya car. blah, blah, blah. hmmmmm......God will provide right? I didn't pray for my new car. I was rewarded it with it. That's what I believe. I believe God will provide my needs and my wants if I'm obedient to the purpose and plan for my life. I can make known by desires through prayer but goodness, the stuff folks pray for is really ridiculous. Could explain our mortgage crisis. God didn't really bless ya with that big ole house huh? ;) I'm being a little cynical there but I think ya get the point. What is really important?

I'm a child of God. I'm a follower of Yeshua - Jesus Christ, I proudly say and I'm truly obedient to the charge given to us as believers. We must serve...without braggin' and boastin'. Just do it. I've been given stewardship over CWUW. Its God's and it can be taken from me at anytime. I need to be mindful of everything I do with it.

My charge to my follow Christians -

LOVE all of God's children - black, white, red, straight, gay, transgendered, homeless, rich or poor. All you have to do is LOVE and spread the Word in a manner God would have you to do so. This is the lovely advantage of the Holy Spirit. Use him. He works. This is why I can sit on a board of an agency for gay black men without issue. LOVE and God's guidance in this situation.

Serve - Get involved in your community. Get involved in your ministry. Do something.

Check ya self - Calling yourself a Christian is meaningless if you act like Devil. folks watch you. God himself said don't be lukewarm. Pick a team and roll with it. We forget that God can see our hearts and our motives. You can act all pious, act all humble and talk all the churchy talk you want but GOD KNOWS YOU!!! Check your self.


Question stuff - You can read the Bible and find your own interpretation of it. Get enlightened.



Lastly - God is bigger than Religion. Don' t be legalistic.

This is a late night rambling session but believe so many of the world's situations can be changed if we were truly following Christ and not man.

Nighty Night. First, Blessings to God, the Most high and blessings to you!


waiting for a prince mix from redenbacher

Friendship deferred

Whose loss is it when you reach out to a friend
and the friend pulls their hand away
they turn as if you
provide nothing needed
but
inside their spirits stir
a feeling of loss, confusion
presents itself with every mention
of your name

What do you do when you know the
reason for the friendship
and you walk in purpose
and the other party is
in darkness
blindly, do you continue
feeling the hurt of a friendship deferred

The revelation of this is purposed
just as much as the reason you're there
Never turning from the purpose or plan
but very disappointed in the outcome
Lost in the notion of what could have been
for a sisterhood gone
And yet knowing my obedience
will be rewarded.

I guess the lesson is that you never
take any relationship for granted, big or small
Seeing them through the eyes of the Most High
who provides guidance in all things
Move towards enlightenment and just
allow God to judge
complete the plan.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

confused

love is the possibility of you and me
one gentle kiss on a cheek
caress your lips
with my lips
smile at your smile
longing for you secretly
only letting you know
smallest of emotions
but you are my dream
confused in my reality that seems perfect
my dreams are my desire
God hear my cry for sanity
remove this passion
what is wrong with me
new experiences
cloud my judgment
right from wrong use to be easy
now wrong feels right
and right seems more like
something i'm suppose to do
unreal

clear my mind
and I see
touched you in the midnight hour
day dreams never cease
because you are a part of my soul
too scared to let you go
too scared to move in this reality
visions of you are like
rain drops
so many

love can never be said
but is felt
when I think of you
in the darkness of the night


(wrote with my eyes closed, put down whatever came to mind)

Monday, October 6, 2008

Rhonda's Ramblings.....

Ok, its official, I now know our Life Jam event will be successful because Satan is trying to throw some bumps in the rode. LAST MINUTE stuff.

The person handling sponsorships just got news she may not be able to be at the event because of a conference in Chicago and then I was notified that there's a conference in TN that I need attend for the new gig.

Its weird the stuff I'll stress over and the stuff I'll let go. I'm not worried at all. I'll be at Life Jam and it'll be fun!

Its all a good sign that we're on the right track. We Satan feels the need to get involved, you're doing the right thing.

Yeah!! :)

next......

A friend lost his dad. :( I feel for him and I guess we are all getting to the age this is possibility. Death sucks.

and......

I'm always loving on my kid and braggin'. That's what a momma is suppose to do right but this weekend the kid proved she's a warrior. She was loaded with activities this weekend from work, school and even just fun stuff and she worked it out. She was tired and cranky but she proved that she's ready for adulthood. :) YAY for her.

something else....

Me VS my apt

Its a fight. Clothes, more of moms stuff, our stuff...stuff and stuff and more stuff.....I feel like its growing and yet I want to do something about it and yet I don't. I've blogged before about not wanting to have any control at home. I don't wanna make sure this coat is in the right closet or that shoe is in the right box and yet its making me nuts.

hmmm....it is Depression Screening Month. I need to check my mental health. :)

lata....