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Showing posts from January, 2009

My birthday giveaway

It was a wonderful day.

I'm not going to blog too deeply about it but it was awesome.

The women were wonderful and so thankful.

:)
Sugar
spice
and everything
so very nice
standing as the greatest mountain
beauty and strength
at your very hands
dare if you will to climb and discover
the wonderment
before you
fear sets in

you are not the one

Determination guides passion
Focused and fearless
wrapped in womanhood
divinely purposed
Sensual wiles ever present
sexuality, love, and desire
knows my name
you smile at the thought of the possibility
of the thang
you know, you had the chance
you chose to move on

you are not the one

You follow my world from a distance
you peek in and out just to keep up
regret at times creeps in
What if, What if
Noticing I have moved on
taking part in the next adventure
longing for the journey to fulfill all of the desires
in my heart
Can not live in regret
as you think of the maybes
I think of you with smiles
knowing I was THERE but I walk away

and knowing

you are not the one.
Wishing, hoping and dreaming
all things real
manifestation of all things first starts
with a thought
action but to words
deeds
movement
heaven to earth
one kingdom to another
breathe the essence
of love
unselfish, challenging, fulfilling
life IS what you make it
the world IS a stage

perform.

"44"

I am happy.

Not just because the President is a Black man but he embodies the mission we have all be charged with, giving.

I was raised by a woman that embodied this same mission. My mother gave to my friends, family, and strangers without question. She would say you give because its RIGHT. No other reason mattered. You do because you CAN.

Our President has charged America to give back and to do what we can to rebuild OUR country. I'm proud of my President. I'm finally proud of my country. We need to recognize that not all of America was celebrating on 1/20/09. There are people who will mistreat one another. There will still be murders and crimes. Drug dealers will still sell drugs. There will be people who will still think Black men are unintelligent and lazy and that all black women sit around and have babies. Evil will still put forth its charged to destroy. We need to pray daily for country and our President. Evil will come after our President. Lincoln - assassin…

The Dumbest thing said to me this week......

Talking with a dude and he says to me -

"You have your stuff together. You are a man's fantasy but not a reality"

What the hell does that crap mean? Yeah, I asked him.

He said, "A man wouldn't know what to do with a powerful woman like you who is also so cool and down to earth."

What the hell is this fool talkin' about. Yeah, I asked that too.

He said, "We may say we want a powerful woman but too many men need for a woman to play the background. "

I'm sure his wife is so proud. :/

Pride

Ut oh.

Another word I must learn. I must understand how to apply it to my world and be ok with it.

I'm not talking about the negative side of Pride but the joyous side.

I'm proud of the Kid. She is an awesome young chick. I think I give more credit to HER than to myself even though I'm her mother. No matter what you teach a kid, there's a point where they have to chose to do the right thing and follow the path you've set before them.

This week there was this article in Indy.com. It was very cool to talk with Neal about community involvement and my take on it. We talked ALOT so it was interesting to see what he pulled from the convo. I think for me, it was just about ME so what am I being proud of per se. It wasn't about CWUW, my other community involvements, or even W2W. Just me. :/

A friend said to me, "I'm so proud of you". My response, "why?" LOL. I guess in my twisted head I'm thinking, you know me and there's noth…

nite

Night falls
Tired mind and soul
I lay to rest
nothing more than a pillow
between me and my dreams
windchimes
late night moments of a teenager
mind racing with ideas, concerns, and future dealings
twist and turns
no one to quiet the wind to prevent the chimes from
singing their song
no one to quiet a restless teen chatting away on the celluar
no one to assist in soothing the concerns, to bounce ideas

i awake.

Flight 1549

If you don't think there is a God, then I don't know what to tell you.

God Bless The Pilots of Flight 1549 and the spirit of service.

For some reason, this has really blessed me.
Some will say the pilots were skilled. Yes.
It was God that put THAT pilot on THAT plane for THAT moment.

The Ferries, the tug boats, people helping people....

There's Hope ya'll!

Be real with me, Be real with you...

The things we do to be in a relationship and even to stay there can be really....saaaaddddd.

I remember trying to be EVERYTHING for my ex-boyfriend. It came naturally but I also compromised a peace of me as well.

Being single for sooooooooooooooooo long, (gigglin'), I've sat and watched the dynamics of various relationships around me. I can see where I made similar mistakes out of insecurity. You take leaps that you wouldn't ordinarily do. You start liking stuff because he/she likes them. You want to be the spark in their eyes. Been there and never going back. I'm all for making my partner happy but Rhon is about the real deal. I can't jump, leap or hop that high anymore and I wouldn't want a man who would expect it.

Be true to you.

This is what I've seen over and over. In the beginning of the relationship, everyone has their list.

I want him to be smart.

I want him to be ambitious.

I want him to be cultured

blah, blah, blah....

So, the potential partner h…

Intimidation - Wha?

1. to make timid; fill with fear.


2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.


3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear: to intimidate a voter into staying away from the polls.


Rhonda L is a nice person. I can be quiet. I observe before I jump in. I don't really believe in reverence unless you're God. When I mean reverence, I mean special treatment because of position. I know this pisses a lot of folks off but whatever. We all are special. Reverence all or none.

Ever since I was young, I've heard that I'm intimidating. Today, I've hit my wall with this. I remember when I was program director for Woman to Woman and my own volunteers would be "scared" to come into my office. I'm being all nice and saying, "Hey, come in, have a seat!" I'd get a quick, "Oh that's ok!". Wha? My assistant would tell me they were "intimidated" by me.…

Addiction

Sacrificing
knowing I could be there
but allowing the Divine
to move as He pleases
and his own time
and space
its the Knowing
that is the drug
its the Knowing
what I could do
that keeps the
the longing flowing
tasting the possibility
on my lips
feening
thirsty
addicted

Manifest Destiny

Generally the term is used in relation to some imperial take over deemed inevitable but I think there are times when it applies to life in general. The journey is set and we determine how hard the journey will be.

I'm trying very hard to take the simplest path to the end but I'm learning that the simplest its always the best and isn't the way God will take you.

My professional life is one track. I put energy into. I work at it DAILY. I believe in the vision. I believe in what God wants from this. I trust my professional destiny.

Personally, well, I'm confused. When it comes to what I should be doing personally, I'm out of it. Its hard for me to separate personal situations from professional. Every person I meet nowadays, I think in terms of what they do and how this meeting can benefit CWUW. Rarely do I think about how it could benefit me. YIKES!! At least, I recognized it so now I need to fix it. I think I've gone through this over the past year. I…

I'm not ready for my close up

Its official.

My eating disorder is still smacking me in the face. Anytime I see someone with a camera, I'm terrified. I don't want them to take my pic and if they do, I don't want to see it.

I'm TERRIFIED. Today, I had my pic taken by a photographer and all I could think about was, "Wow this is horrible timing." I've gained this 20lbs and feel HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe. My stomach started to hurt. I was shaking with a smile. :/

I know. No confidence right? Well, whatever. I'm being real and honest. My stomach was twisted every time he showed me a pic. I kept thinking, "I look awful." I smiled and said, ok...yeah, those are GREAT!

Yes, I'm in the middle of getting back on track with my weight and diet. My back is still an issue but I'm working through it and I know by this summer, I'll be finally at a healthy weight. I KNOW this.

This camera phobia is horrible. Bulimia is horrible.

I know there was a lesson in this. I know …

Mr. Right as defined by everyone

When you're single, the world is your pimp. I mean everyone has an opinion of who you should date or better yet that your singlehood is some sort of mistake and needs to be corrected immediately. Its like they think there's some cosmic force playing some cruel trick.

(sigh)

Now my daughter has joined the club. She now has given her "permission" for mom to get out there and go for it. Wha?

I think I've missed the memo. Its not that I'm NOT looking but I am conservative about SOME things. I'm not a big flirt (believe it or not). But I've been told my conservatism will keep me single. I need to prop up the boobs and hit the clubs. :/ NOPE.

So let's examine the list others have subscribed to Mr. Right:

He's a mover and shaker
Business man, conservatively dressed (are you serious?)
Stedman type (hella naw)
Machismo type (well....)

You see the pattern.

The ulimate man's man is what most suggest Rhonda needs.

Well...ok.

What would my list look…

Perfection....

Would it be so arrogant to say
that I am Perfection?
that's not to say that I am perfect
But I am as the Milky Way
the sun, the moon, the shooting star
I am the open sky
the steaming rain, the tornado and the chilled winters day
I am Perfection
beautified, flowing and real
smarts matched with seductive wiles
libidinal energies touching your soul
I know how to move you with simple words and
parted lips I make you want
me
I am Perfection
independently I stand for more than
going green and the new social trends
Motherhood singularly I stand
still fighting for and believing in Fatherhood
Fists and fros and nappy hair
dark skinned blackness
Revolution is in my soul
I am purposed
I am Perfection

what are you waiting for......

Hope, Patience, Faith, Wisdom.....

When I started really reading the bible, I would only really read scripture on wisdom. In my thinking, if you're wise, this will carry you through. I still do this. Proverbs being the main book of course.

I moved to Faith. I tried to really understand what it was going to take for me to have some Faith. I started reading the Gospels ALOT. The 12 stooges (the disciples) helped me to grow and absorb what Faith really meant.

Hope was my enemy for awhile. I didn't think you could really hope in anything. Faith and Hope are quite different in many respects and I battled with Hope. I think I've blogged about how I wrote down the defintion of hope and studied it, mediated on it and tried it absorb it into my spirit. It was HARD. I got it, finally.

And NOW, its all about Patience.

Waiting.

Now one thing I have learned thus far is that Patience doesn't mean sit around and do nothing. As you move, God moves. So I continue to move and I continue to pray for direction and edif…

it feels goooooddddd

Happy New Year!!

I'm feeling REALLY good.

I'm hoping you all have a great 2009. YOU have to make it happen.

You are responsible for what you sow. Remember what you sow, you will harvest so plant good seeds.


Bring on 2009....