Thursday, November 27, 2008

My own type of affirmation.

Yesterday - bought me a pencil skirt, fishnet hose.....

Last week - bought me another scale and I've only gotten on it once

Today - I plan to be fly...as usual.


All this to say, there is a return to the confidence had when I was in my twenties...

No, my body isn't as fly as I would like but as India isn't her hair, I'm not my body.

I'm still curvy. I still can pull it together.

I am one of God's greatest creations.

I's be fly.

The R.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

nasty me


Dippin' into your fantasy
nasty as I wanna be
lick you there kiss you here
pull me close, pull me near
close your eyes
and you will see
the other side, naughty me
Pretend as you will
late at night
I'm your thrill
Cleverly I am to thee
your chocolate
sexy fantasy

Monday, November 24, 2008

limited words

What more can be said but this
as I move, you are moved
as I speak, you are touched
as I breathe, you live
There are days when words are limited
too simple to manifest truth
What more can be said but this
I am the real thing
prayed for
hoped for
you make me sing songs
45s spin
I dance
even alone, you dance with me
No need to say no more than this
we never have to be
to exist

The Magic of Music....

I was in the mood tonight of really listening to some music. From the trippy music of Massive Attack and Enigma to some Stevie Wonder and the Isley Brothers. The music has carried me through a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. I'm moved. I'm driven.

You know that a person has you in their grasp just when they start the first lyric. Marsha from Floetry, Howard Hewett, Maxwell....Stevie again. Wow. Tamia's "Stranger in My House" still can bring me to tears as if that song was written for me.

Then move to The Ramones even... there's the little punk girl in me dying to get out and just RELEASE...Rhonda is a Punk Rocker. :)

I'm so drawn to expressive people. I'm allowed to escape or to discover me in a verse, a hook, or in the simplicity of a piano with just a voice flowing along.

Its so magical to listen to a lyric that expresses that moment....its spiritual. Its meant to be.

I'm truly rediscovering my love for music again after a decade of having to let it go so I take care of others. I missed it. I can't get enough.

So let the music play and let it satisfy your soul, touch your heart, and take you into your dreams.

I closed my eyes and listened to "Footsteps in the Dark".....lawd. I was taken away. I embraced every image that came to mind.

Looking down dark corridors and wonders what might have been, something's up ahead, should I keep this same direction, or go back instead.....

goodness!

see...I listen to more than Prince. :)



Black Orchid lyrics - Stevie Wonder

A flake of snow within a storm
A new way waiting to be born
In a world with need of change
A touch of love in fear of hate
A rushing wind that's asked to wait
For the promises of rain
A pearl of wisdom entrapped by poverty

She gives love with purity
Filling minds with hopeful schemes
To build worlds enhanced by peace
Draped in sparkling morning dew
She expresses life anew
From the earth beneath her feet
She is a flower that grows
In love ability
She's femininity

Black Orchid, Black Orchid
Why did they make you begin
When they know in time you'll find your truth
before your cycle ends
Black Orchid, Black Orchid
Why are you crying their fears
When the true reflection of you that they see
Is love besieged by years

She has touched the farthest star
Her beauty speaks of what we are
And her freedom makes us free
Her now is in eternity
Infinite to all that see
And her dreams have been achieved
Now there is a sound of laughter
Nature signs out her name
For the world to know her fame

Black Orchid, Black Orchid
Why did they criticize
When they knew your love could cast its spell and
consecrate their eyes
Black Orchid, Black Orchid
Why do you linger in space
When you know in every heart that beats
You hold a special place
When you know in every heart that beats
You hold a special place

Sunday, November 23, 2008

N.W.A

What happen to storytelling in Hip Hop?



some bootleg video but the song paints the picture

My love/hate issues with the return of Britney Spears




Ok. I know some folks are gonna say - who cares right? Well, I do actually. Britney Spears was played in my household when my daughter was a tween and I did pay attention to the demise of Britney. My concern started when she was pregnant with the second child and was conducting an interview with Matt Laurer. I remember having a long convo on prince.org about this interview. The Org was as cruel as usual. They sliced her up from her hair to her clothes to her chipped fingernail polished. Britney looked a hot mess but I kept trying to point out the look in her eyes. Something was wrong. This was more than Britney making bad life decisions. This child was lost.

Britney has the baby and then we see her lose her mind. She starts hanging with Paris, she stops wearing underwear, she stays high, she strips, she cuts her hair, etc. etc. etc. She forgets she's a mother.

What happen? (shrug) I don't know the girl but there was a part of me that understood. I understood her having to lose it. Her life was orchestrated since she was five. Where was her teenage angst? I didn't have my "teenage angst" until I was like 26. I was the good girl no longer wanting to be held to that standard. When I saw the maddness of Britney, I sorta understood it but I knew she needed to stop the maddness as I did. She was a mother and you have to get your shit together for them. Young mothers don't get to be foolish. We are handle to the same standards as if you are older and seemingly more mature. Brit needed to stop it.

So it seems she got help. Her dad stepped in and now we have Britney back. Do we want her back performing? I wanted her back to be a good mother to the babies NOT to make appearances on MTV, to be given undue awards and make a docu -bull -mentary about her life. Huh? Didn't her downfall make her stop and say, "I still need time away to get with my kids."

Guess not. MTV has the red carpet out for her and others like Paris. If my daughter makes a mistake, I do want her to know she can get back on her feet but it needs to be in all humility. She needs to acknowledge the crap she was in and be changed. America rewards bad behavior way too much. I'm tired of America loving these idiot starlets. It needs to stop. These young women do not need to be celebrated nor admired. Our children believe that their behaviors, no matter good or bad, needs to be admired. I've witnessed kids doing the worse behavior still expecting to be patted on their backs for doing nothing.

Britney doesn't deserve the spot she's been given recently. She needs to be forced to fight her way back. And even though she is completely naked in her new video, (rollin' eyes), I do hope she's learned something.

Friday, November 21, 2008

erasure

My days go by without a thought
of u and I
as I push u out of my mind
daily
I move to reality, letting fantasy
have its way with fairy tales, moonbeams, and unicorns
away from me
but when my tried body finds rest
U appear
Unable to turn away, to dream a different dream
I face YOU
facing the fact that you have captured
a space in my mind
every time I close my eyes
you appear
holding me, making me laugh
and being
you
a new day dawns
and I open my eyes and return
to moving away from fantasy
erasure

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

ABFAB

This is a show I even got my mom hooked on.

I love Eddie and Patsy!

Monday, November 17, 2008

convo at starbucks

Convo at Starbucks.....
Met a friend at Starbucks for a chat about developing a program. He's interested in "doing something with youth". I have no idea when I became the expert at program development but I think I need to start a consulting firm but anyway. The convo was interesting. There was a frustration coming from him about complacency in community involvement, frustration in religion and also with dating. Too funny. I feel him. Starting with dating. I was sitting at Life Jam and a new friend says, "I just don't understand why you're single." grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I just smiled and said, "Yeah, me either." Singlehood isn't a curse but you would think I had coodies. Why am I single? Don't know. I'm tired of the question so much so that I would date just so I don't have to hear it again. ha! I've really tried not to be one of those chicks that think men are intimidated by me. I think that's a lame ascertion but I have seen it occur. (sigh) So this conversation was interesting to hear a man's point of view. Very similar frustations.

Religion. I am a Christian that thinks today's practice of Christianity sucks. I think you have followers that can't read the bible for themselves, who don't challenge their leaders and who have a slave mentality. They use God as a slot machine. They are lazy. They have NO real concept of who Jesus was and what he really taught. Jesus' actions alone could teach anyone how to live. I really believe the foreclosure situation has a direct correlation with the proserity teachings of the church. We forget that Jesus washed the feet of his disciples and yet, were are the servants in our community. We think there's going to be some super Anti-Christ that going to swoop in and try to destroy the Church. Well, he is alive and well in some of the doctrine being taught in some churches. We're building mega-churches with no soup kitchens or shelters. We have churches that will only help their own members or require the needy to accept Christ first before they will feed them. Wha?

Community Involvement - Folks are energized because of Obama's win but it seems folks are wandering around trying to figure out what to do. How about just making sure your child goes to school and receives the education he/she needs to make it. How about working with the teachers instead of against them? How about going back to the basic concept of RIGHT AND WRONG? Too many parents defend their children when their children was in the wrong. How about just being friendly to your neighbors? No one has to start some major org. If we all just start talking responsibility for our own - the community gets better. I enjoyed my convo at Starbucks.

Coolness.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Freedom

Today I am free. Well, maybe I was just reminded that I'm free. I'm free to believe and hope and simply know. The country is full of hope and it feels good. I'm proud of my country but this was Barack's presidency to be won. When his grandmother died, I knew, this was is destiny. So I am free to believe and know that my destiny is fulfilled even though the journey is not over....this is called HOPE. So with Hope, I truly wish we embrace our freedom. I mean the freedom to be ourselves and be proud who we are individually and collectively.

God has made me strong (as much as I complain about it...it is what it is), insightful and discerning. This is me. I'm free to be me. This is the liberty I have in Christ, in being aware, and in being honest.

Let Hope live in each one if us. Let us be Free.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My vote - November 4th, 2008


I took a pic of my vote to record this moment in history.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

love serve forgive

Love God and serve your brothers and sisters!


Don't harm.

Love.


love

love

love


Be forgiving

Ask for forgiveness

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Get your exorcism on!!

I was watching the show "The Real Exorcist" and it was a little like...yeah whatever but sometimes it was a little damn creepy. What I found interesting was how seemingly powerless these demons where (ok...yeah...i know....just keep reading) when approached by the "exorcist" but how bound up the possessed person was.

The interesting this is a really do believe in some of this stuff so I watched. Watching some of the people almost hold onto the demon is what I really found interesting. Do we hold onto our pain because we think we have nothing to fill in? I think so. I know some of my clients LOVED drama. It was like the sought after it but it was all they've known. They really didn't want to let go. There are so many things I want to kick out the door. Peace is a beautiful thing. Operating in crazy is just that - CRAZY!

If you notice in the bible when it speaks of peace and faith, its almost like you have to go to war to protect it. "Fight the good fight" - Those "demons" are ready to take it away at any give turn. I do believe in guarding my peace and I'm EXTREME with it. I'm all about removing people and things and situations from my world that causes me any pain or discomfort. Its a tad dramatic (as someone called me once - too funny) BUT it keeps me peaceful so whatever. I don't function in the gray too well. Either you're a peaceful, loving spirit in my world or you're not. Its really that simple. Maybe some therapy is needed - maybe. I think its a very sane approach to guarding my peace and being happy. I'm happy with removing my demons. Peace out!!! I feel God will bring people and situations back around if need be.

So get rid of your demons -get rid of those things that haunt you and keep you bound up.

Guard your peace.

and yeah....i'll be back to edit later.....:)

Vampire

you know the saying....let it go and if it comes back...blah, blah, blah

Don't you hate when you have to operate in cliches. Well here I am. Letting it go and believing that God's plan is better than mine. Believing that God will make it all work for good and that all things will be fine. So, I'm letting it go. Fly away. Have a good one. You are harmful to me in ways you don't even know because its all really about you. Sad but so true. Maybe while away, you'll learn some important lessons about not mistreating others. You can't protect yourself at the cost of others. That's lame. Its immature. Its selfish. Its sad. Its weak. Very weak. Its a punk move.

Happiness TRULY comes when we are honest with ourselves. When we can look in the mirror and be ok with who we are and not fake it, we will find peace. Unfortunately, there are some who are so selfish that they can't see their harm when it benefits them. Oh well. You will one day. You will reap your harvest. You can't beat God at his universal laws. So fly away. In your quiet moments, know that you caused harm, you were rude and unappreciative. In your quiet moments you must face that you can be extremely fake and so flawed that you think others can't see YOU. Or maybe you're scared, they do. And we do! I SAW you from the beginning even though I didn't say a word. I allowed some manipulation. I allowed you to say some bullshit because I knew you needed it. I wasn't gonna keep you away from your crack. You needed the hit.

Fly away. I've provided nothing but honesty and a geninue hand but your motives were twisted.....shhhhhhhhhhh secrets secrets secrets. All things in the dark come to the light but I'm not flippin' the switch. God will. He will make you FACE the real you. I thought I got that but I know I didn't. So sad. A powerful connection could have been had if all things were honest from the beginning. I made mistakes. You made mistakes. You are Lestat. Vampire. Smooth. Charming. Deadly to the soul. And here I am, Louis, trying to figure it all out but knowing to survive I must get away.....both guilty and innocent and torn. Louis was devoted to Lestat but was drained by his selfishness.

Fly away. Very far away. Sooooooooo far away that I want to think of you as a dream, a distant memory. If you return, it will be because God has allowed you to return to my world.

I will miss you. I really will.



No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of ther beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems.
Anne Rice, "Blood and Gold"