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Showing posts from November, 2013

The Devil Inside: My Battle with Eating Disorders

The devil inside of me tries to survive.  Its passionate about its survival. I am a host.

Fears. Abuse. Delusion. Sadness.

The devil inside of me has no fear of me. I allow it to live. Its a familiar monster. I know its face. I know how it moves. I know what it wants. I want it dead.

My devil as a name. Bulimia was its name first. It has become emotional eating or Binge Eating Disorder. I can't lie about it. Its a battle as any addiction. I wake up and ask myself how will I battle this devil today and it runs thought through my mind functioning like a bullet in a barrel.

I've lived with this disorder for 20 years. I'm still not "cured".  This is work for me. This work has many battles to win before the war is over. Addressing past abuse, fears, and hurt is in progress.  Feelings and emotions swarm around me as if to temped each new coping skill.  That's that devil, Tricky Tricky devil. I fail at times. Sometimes I do win but this battle is tiresome. It relie…