Sunday, August 28, 2011

Nice has limits....

I've helped out a few folks who have taken advantage of the helping hand.

I've experienced straight out disrespect and manipulation. The amazing thing there's the expectation that you will continue to be nice and to give and engage them.  That's what you'd call foolish behavior.  At some point you'd have to say no more, not every again, move on. The interesting thing is how I become the bad guy. :/   Saying no is my right especially if you've caused harm to me and mine in some way. 

Others maybe able to deal with it. I can't.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Bulimia trying to have its way

After a long week, full of ups and downs, I see my old friend....or fiend I should say, trying to have its way. Its always been a way of coping, of finding control.  It tries to be involved and to have a say.  It changes the way I see myself in the mirror.  It wants to take my attention away and focus on negativity. My old friend....oh I mean fiend Bulimia wants to come home.

Today....I looked in the mirror and saw every place where I see fat making a new home, more comfortable than ever.  I see no beauty. I see nothing of God.  Oh...wait...that's not me. That's my old friend....[clears throat] fiend Bulimia.  She knows I've been working on new friendships like security, trust, and hope.  She's jealous.  She's wants back in.  She knows I'm finding acceptance with the body I have today so that I can appreciate the body I'll have tomorrow.   Bulimia is a trickster but she is a quick fix....like a quick hit on a crack pipe.  I know I've gained weight.  I know I'm stressed about a multitude of things but today, I choose to cope differently. I choose not to harm myself.  I choose not to believe the twisted thoughts which tell me I'm unworthy, that I'm not beautiful.  I choose to celebrate me no matter what. I choose to love me regardless of who stays by my side or who walks away.

Bulimia - we broke up.  Our friendship is over.  You can't stay here anymore.  Go away. You Fiend.