I'm on my path to the land of freedom. I plan on living there until I transcend so today I truly begin my journey by releasing everything I feel about my body.
Even after gaining 72lbs while pregnant with my daughter 22 years ago, I had a flat stomach and began to get a tattoo of the sun. Being a work in progress, I didn't think about what the future would hold for myself and my body. Stretch marks meant nothing to me. I'm a mother. This is what happens to a woman's body. My belly never gave me pause. It wasn't an area that I concerned myself with on any level.
As my bulimia worsened so did my vision, the way I viewed my body. I saw every stretch mark. I saw every mole. And after my surgery to have fibroids removed, I developed a little pouch similar to what women have after a c-section. This was no longer my body. It was foreign to me. I disconnected with my body and to whatever it meant to be Rhonda. I had been so measured by my body that when it stopped looking the way I was use to looking, I let it go. The bulimia took over along with depression and anxiety and Rhonda was lost. Today, I'm striving to break free from this bondage of my body and being weighed and measured by what my ass or my belly may look like.
Imperfections abound. With the recent weight again in the last year, my belly, my ass, my tits all look different but I'm beautiful. I'm wonderful as is. My health hasn't been compromised by my weight gain and I'm seeing Rhonda again. This doesn't mean I don't want to lose weight but that my motives are different. I'm not concerning myself with how I'm viewed by others. God wants me free from all of that unnecessary strife. Its time to leave all of the depression good-bye. peace be still.
I'm doing the Chopra Center's 21-day meditation challenge and today was the first day.
The centering thought for the first day: "I am
ready to view my life
through the eyes of love."
What a liberating start! First, I need to love Rhonda. I need to love my eyes, my lips, my thighs, my ass, my feet, my laughter, my heart, and my way. I need to recognize that love is all around me daily. The scales of fear, hurt, anger, and sadness have prevented me from seeing this love. Everyone needs to filter through the love that surrounds me. The last thing that came to mind is that God is love and that He/She loves me wholeheartedly. I accept that love and all that it means.
I will continue to meditated on this all throughout the day.
Sometimes your soul needs a confirming hand. It needs to agree with the universe and feel as if it has reach the right vibration to produce, to love, and to experience life as it should be lived. Today, my soul was comforted by having multiple conversations with friends, co-workers, and even myself confirming many of the things I have been feeling.
I'm grateful to God for assisting me today with some struggles and ending the confusion for many issues. To receive any form of confirmation, you must be willing to have your spirit available to change and be ready to accept.
I need to prepare for more confirming moments. I'm ready.
I've truly gotten away from blogging and I truly need to get back to it. Its important for me to release all of the emotions, feelings, and changes going through my mind, body, and spirit. Its important that I keep up with my gratitude journal. I have to keep before me all the wonderful things before me from the simplest thing to the most wonderfully complex, I'm grateful.
With all of the changes before me this year, one of the biggest has been with CWUW. There has been some changes which at first threw me for a loop. It made me question if I'm suppose to be doing this. Of course, I was devastated. I love the concept of CWUW. I love that God had blessed me with this vision. I questioned if it was over. Through some prayer, I realized that God wants me to take this time to restructure and renew CWUW and more importantly, me.
I met with a consultant who was to help me with board development. In the midst of our conversation, the tables turned and the focus became me. What does Rhonda want? Where does Rhonda want to be? Who is Rhonda? What does it mean to Free? Those questions need to be answered before I can get to CWUW. I am not CWUW. I'm more. With this revelation and even confirmation, I'm grateful. I needed to hear from God. I needed some guidance. I needed to see I have time to create and be whatever I want. I'm not on a time crunch.
I'm grateful for the moving towards a greater knowledge of self, for change, and for acceptance.