Saturday, November 28, 2009

lu[cid]ity

lucidity (n.)

1.free from obscurity and easy to understand; the comprehensibility of clear expression


lu·cid·i·ty (lo͞o-sĭdˈĭ-tē)

noun
Clarity, especially mental clarity.



lucidity
the quality, state, or art of clarity in thought and style. — lucidness, n. — lucid, adj.







Expectations and Disappointments - the seed of insecurity


My mirror is clear...buffed and shined
I see me
creating a situation with the seed of insecurity
watering it
be drawing to me anything that will cultivate
that piece of me that desires
love

human touch

planting nothing more than strife and heartache

weeding

weeds

giving time and attention to nothingness
but I'm still a Goddess

able to turn around and manifest Power
removing the weeds that do nothing
but choke
and take

giving nothing to my life because its incapable of adding anything
to your own

I've expected too much
I've received nothing
but disappointments which opened a wound
that was already cut and scarred

Peace...
QUEEN
Goddess
Black Woman

blah blah blah

Seeds of Insecurity pushing through the soiled soul
harvesting heartbreak

EYES wide Open
I'll return to the Earth
pull this weed

that weed

this weed

that weed

until I plant the seed of beauty in my soul

and Harvest

LOVE.....

Saturday, November 21, 2009

ocd

check email
check email


wait

check email

notes
notes

where's my cell
text
miss calls
voicemail

wait

socialnetworkinggnikrowtelaicos

blog

facespace
mybook

wait

CWUW

email email email


planner
meet who
meet you
meet when


do you have my card?















bulimia

emotional eating

control

anxiety











0cd

Wholeness....

I find it very interesting as you meet people how we sometimes make assumptions about their "wholeness" based on their job, their rhetoric, their passion, etc. We all are on a journey for completeness no matter the stage of knowledge, understanding, or wisdom. We can't assume a person has it all together just based on one or two things we're allowed to see.


I find that some think I have it all together and I really laugh. Far from it. I'm still working through many issues. I'm still trying to find wholeness for me. I try my best to be open about my flawed ways so that people understand that its always a journey. We should always look within and make self correction.

I'm more interested in the positive ways a person copes with hardships because I've been very unhealthy with coping and control. I'm looking to establish a new ritual to healing myself emotionally and calming my spirit. I'm seeking those things out from others who seem to have a healthy ritualistic way of coping and rejuvenating their minds and spirits. I believe in mentorship and I seek mentors out knowing in the process I maybe able to impart a piece of my understanding of life as well.

Get people off pedestals but also, get stop putting people into hell too. I watch how we lynch folks for not doing what we think they should be doing not knowing what is being done outside of the public eye. EVERYONE I've every met has a public face. I'm not talking about rappers who are suppose to be generating art which comes from the spirit. Nonetheless, make sure our criticism are based on something that's tangible. We can get off on the wrong issue.

I don't want to wear anyone's shoes. Mine are fine. I want to appreciate everyone's journey for what it is. We all need to seek our own personal wholeness FIRST. We need to stop being so quick to jump on a persons religious journey, political view, or family life when we don't even know the back story. Take a critical view but let it be based on something real and genuine.

Be well. Be WHOLE.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Nothing Profound this way comes....

My blog is just simply an outpouring of emotion. my moment to scream.cry.love.vent....and be.


At first, I wanted this to be a deep, profound journey through my thoughts. Its become just a peek inward.

I'm troubled. I'm calmed. I'm complex. I'm simple. I'm weird. I'm normal. I'm Rhonda.

what is seen...is just me.

I've walked a journey through ups and downs and i'm still here witnessing how I continue to move through this world at times eyes wide open and other days eyes wide shut.

I'd love to talk about race and sexism, love and hate......men and men. its all in my spirit. As the spirit moves, so shall I.

I'm seeking truth. I'm seeking to know me better. I'm seeking to be willing to let others take a piece of me.

Hold my hand.

Take my journey.

Some call me Rhonda, others call me Cleva....

hungerskin

skin

my skin needs touch. screaming for a gentle tough. a rough one too. a kiss on the cheek.

rub my back.

hunger

yearning for feeling emotion through finger tips. feels desperate. feels like an addiction.

skin hunger

an outpouring of love. expression of connection. satisfaction of the deepest desire.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Charlotte said knock you out.....




My MOTHER used to tell me and my brother to go hard with anything we do. Sometimes its the oddest songs that make you remember those messages.

I feel this.

Mama said Knock you out.....

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Spirit speaks

deep in the inner workings of the mind
I'm there
I'm watching for you to open up your spirit to me
I'm waiting for you to realize that I've always been there

wake up
wake up king
what up god and goddess
the universe is here at your beckon call
I am the almighty
I'm in your dna
I'm in your breath


wake up
I'm not a religion
I'm not a religion
I'm not a religion

I'm waiting
be masterfully in your creation
look in your soul and hear me cry out


wake up
wake up
I am is here
I am is all
I am that I am

wake up wake up


(I close my eyes and type what comes to me......)

invisibility

invisible

hiding behind wishes

devilish dreams

deferred

deferred

invisible

pressing my heart

against silence

lust

lust

invisible

tick tock

revelation comes

crying

crying

invisible

a confused longing

skin hunger

invisible

Star Quality...Supa dupa star?

When you need attention, applause, compliments...what do you do when that stops or doesn't come?

Do you act up and act out? Do you reduce others to make you feel bigger, taller, better?

Man in the Mirror.

Go look in it. Go face it.

If you're seeking stardom, you've failed. Celebrity is for suckers.

Walk through your life understanding that your talents, giftings are NOT for you but for others. It is through you God works. You manifest it or you shut it off but your foolishness, selfishness.

Baby I'm a Star.

Open up your soul and heart to the possibilities that your hood will only know you. What then? Maybe your legacy is that you created beauty...here. Leave the star bs alone.

Be more concerned with artistry and integrity. I don't care about your talents if you treat me unfairly and without concern; when you're all about is... who did not clap, scream, gave you the love when you thought you deserved it...., I can't be bothered.

Who cares about your talent when you're not a complete person?

Be whole.

Bet you think this blog is about it.

It is. Its for anyone who steps on another person. Its for anyone so self absorbed they can't see themselves or see how their actions are hurtful and frankly, UGLY. What's your rep? How do people view you? We live in a time when people claim those things don't matter but they should on some level. Back in the day....ok...wayyyyyy back in the day, you could give your NAME can you could get goods and services because your NAME meant something. Integrity was important. Those days are gone. Let's bring them back.

Ex-Factor

I have to separate myself, my journey from this mindset. Understand, I give time and opportunity for growth. I give chances but I can't be a fool either. Its a self-esteem issue. Its a need for love outside of yourself. Sometimes I understand it because you want to be appreciated for your efforts but a wise person can look at a situation and understand when and where that is appropriate. Moving on. Moving in the direction my soul says to go. Seeking humbility. Seeking wisdom. Seeking the God in me. Seeking the God that's bigger than a religion, concept, or mindset. Moving on.

Come Together

My heart is always open to a healed soul. I just know that we can't always walk the journey together. We'll come together or not but its ok. Its ok.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What is it that we need to reclaim ourselves and revive ourselves? Daily I'm working ridding myself of the conditioning that has my mind in turmoil. Even in my leadership and in my strength, I'm lost in who I am and who I need to be to move forward.

The journey has begun. Once you have been allowed to see that there was/is a choice between the blue and red pill, its very hard to return. You have different eyes. I'm open.

The Creator is with me. The Creator is pushing to see the lies the African people have been told and have accepted. I'm tired.