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Showing posts from July, 2011

hmmmm :/


Fucked up....complicated mindset
confusion of love and love and love

how blessed to be overly loved?  God gives you LOVE....dripping and pouring and falling out of every way.....and yet there is confusion?

walk away then and do no harm. the excess love needs to remain behind. can't go with you.

as soon as the words were said, the test was given and you failed me.   I looked for the simplest concern for me.  none was given. you deserve none in return. Give. Stop taking.

Fool of me [Part.....damn]

I just got hit with it.
I just saw it.
Bullshit flung my way.
Steady as she goes.
I saw it. I felt it. I hate it.
Save yourself.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
[calculator please]
Add another one
another selfish muthafucka
I walk now.  I walk far away now.
I saw it.  Just as a vision.
Bullshit me. You lack. You lie. You want. You need.
[plus sign, equal sign]
All things come to the light.
Who picks up the flashlight?
Just saw it.  Ignorance rests its head in bliss so it can’t see that its ignorant.
God heals. He will finish this.
[and scene]

Some corny ass shit but so what....

I imagine a partner in crime. I don't think in terms of power couple but a couple of power minds....melding.  I have my purpose.  You have yours. I take time to help you develop, process, your vision. You keep me balanced so I can complete mine.  Two visions, one legacy. My love takes care of all things me. He is proud to stay in the shadow as I cast a light.  His passion is the fuel to his talent. I'm the hype (wo)man, letting the world know, He is here, He is ready.

God has touched is heart with a road map to giving the us all love through.....everything he does. Super heroes. Unmatched in passion, purpose...and love.

Some corny ass shit but so what....

The Green Cup

All of my life my mom was a serious Coke drinker.  She could easily beat that stupid Pepsi challenge. If she came to your home, even for a short visit, she would have two things with her: a liter of Coke and her green cup.

This Green Cup was the holy grail to us kids.  For some reason,  didn't taste the same unless we took a sip out of it.  It was grimy.  Without shame, mom washed the cup probably only once per week.  She said it was her cup and that she had to let the Coke set in it.  And we didn't care.  From my generation to the next, we felt it was an honor when mom, Grandest, or Aunt Charlotte would say, "Go fill up my cup!"   All that meant was - WE DRINKING SOME COKE FROM THE CUP.  

Mom knew.  She would joke and say, "You didn't drink any did you?" Every kid would swear they didn't but we all new - we couldn't resist.  So where is the infamous Green Cup today?  It sits next to my mom's pic on my bookshelf.  It hasn't been washed se…

Welcome to my humanity

My heart. I have so many writings and blogs that start with just those words. Its the most guarded place of my soul. Its is my sensitive spot, my Achilles heel. My mother said its a curse and warned me that the Owens women loved hard and I'm truly cut from that cloth. I have both fear and a longing for love but I've been trapped in my mind, I think.  I've had some very hurtful and damaging relationships with infidelity being the main issue. Rejection fills my heart. [sucks]

I fear being hurt again.  I give so much of me in a relationship. I'm a partner. I'm present. I'm the buddy. I'm the lover. I get hurt.  Oddly enough, I've had apologies from every man that has hurt me. All have said that I was so present for them and they didn't know what to do.  Its not that I'm unforgiving what?  The apologies are for them.  I've had to forgive without having the apologies so they come bittersweet at times.  With each apology, I get the ques…

A silent scream

I had a good day. I had a bad day.  The bad part of the really shook my spirit and I couldn't really process it the way I wanted to and needed to do. I needed an ear of someone uninvolved, of someone who cares enough just to let off steam, and someone who can calm my spirit.

I'm really only going to say how I felt but not the situation.  I've never been so disrespected by someone I've done so much for. That disrespect even sadden some of my staff members.  I don't want to hurt anyone for any reason.  I try my best to really help any way I can but I know that comes with a price at times. I guess, I'm feeling unappreciated as well. I think many times I walk around silent because "strength" is the armor I'm suppose to wear 24/7. When I'm upset, I feel badly for feeling upset.  I'm not a robot.

Today, I could have physical hurt another person. I was that upset. I could have unleashed all of the 'secrets' I know and could have destroyed…

Alpha Female

I never really have bought into the "Alpha Female" stereotype too much but its something I've been called at lot and I have to admit to seeing the fight for the alpha position without me agreeing to the "competition".  I know I have an perceived confidence.  I don't back away from my opinion. I have a point of view of life and who I am.  I stand. I have an expectation or maybe an assumption that this is how everyone is inherently. I know that's a little naive to think but when I meet a person, I assume they have a point of view as I do and I expect them to express it and defend it as I do.  

Some do and many don't.

I find those who really fake at a point of view, who believe their opinion gives them a position over the next have the most issues with others -  who are ok with their take on things and who aren't shook by another persons POV.  They want to be the loudest.  They want their ideas to be embraced.  If we are thinking about the Alpha Fem…