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This morning, I woke up thinking. I had mad thoughts racing through my mind about "Who is Rhonda?"  Its a question I continue to ask.  Fo r C ol or ed Gi rl s still fresh on my mind as I've examined my confusion of who I've become. I don't really know. I don't know who this person is that I carry around daily. I remember someone else, happier, more pleased with her smile, her style, her flow, her focus.  Today, I miss her. I wear an outer shell of this confusion, my body.  I can teach the world to eat, move, love and those steps are being lost on my own journey, my own poetry. This outer shell tells the story.  It tells the story of being kicked, smacked. It tells the story of being called dumb and told my dreams are foolish. It tells a story of longing for closeness from a father that doesn't know how to be close. It tells the story of repeated death and loss.  It tells the story of mistrust and dishonesty.   I'm wearing this outer shell of hurt an...

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." - Audre Lorde...  Thank you Ms. Lorde. I love this quote but it is easier said than done. It is difficult for people when you reject their interpretation of who you are and your intentions for the world.  I'm finding this more and more that perceptions of who I am, how I SHOULD be, and how I should function have been developed and decided without my input.  It probably happens to many people at different times of their lives.   This is my time.  Friends.  I can say, the friendships I've had for more than 20 years, are solid and loving. They understand me, even the things that have changed about me, they understand why those changes have occurred. I am loved by them and I appreciate them for it.  Newer acquaintances or distant family, different story.  I'm called an community activist. I'm called a community organizer....

(Trying to get in the mood to work.....) Today I was talking with someone about being yourself. I think that was easier for folks from my generation ( generation x'ers) because it was all about being different. Prince, Boy George, Madonna, etc all trying to establish their own thing. Nowadays, its about looking JUST like the next. But anyway. As a kid, I remember just wanting to be ME. I literally shopped in my parents closet, painted my 4 inch fingernails black, shaved my head or weaved it up....whatever I wanted. I struggled with people who thought I was shy as a teen. I wasn't shy. I was actually goofy but just not around family as much. Family has a way of putting you into a box and its just easier to be there at times. I was developing a self-confidence that sometimes you couldn't easily see. Nonetheless, I was Rhonda. I just did me whatever that meant for the moment. Then I met my ex boyfriend. He was going through some stuff so that meant the ...