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Take me out of the game

When you think you have a grasp of your faith?  When you think you've figured out what God is trying to show you? Just at that moment of Clarity, it seems like God moves you into the wilderness with the lions, small odd sounds, and darkness.   It's as if you passed one test and they hand you another that you've never studied.

When you're running like Alice trying to get out of wonderland.  I've been moved from faith to faith without a chance to look around and give honor to the moment and give thanks to God.  I want to stand on talk of the mountain and plant my flag.  I want to reach the end of the race and receive my medal and scream to the world, "Look, I did it".  But that isn't my life.  It never has been that simple  I've never lived with long breaks from God trying to teach me lessons of longer-suffering, perseverance, and gratitude.   There's always been a lesson around the corner.  I've developed this attitude like an athlete where I'm looking at the next challenge like "Bring it" but today, I'm tired.  I'm sure athletes take a break.  They go on vacation.  They rest.

I want to tell God I need to chill out.  I need a break from the lessons.  I need some mercy all up on me.  I'm so very tired.  So very tired.   I can't think or move or do anything and yet I keep moving and doing.  I'm still just surviving life and I don't know how to live it.  There's not a lesson in this blog but just me saying, time out.  Take me out of the game for a moment so I can regroup.


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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.