Wednesday, December 30, 2009

#in2010

The biggest thing I must do in 2010 is think more of myself.


There are areas I still need to work on in regards to self-love and respect.


I'm more than....THIS.


2010....let it begin


(corny but whatever...ha)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Saturday, December 26, 2009

"They Don't Care About Us"





"They Don't Care About Us"

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kike me
Don't you black or white me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
You're rapin' me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
Set me free

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
black man, black male
Throw your brother in jail

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
They're throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can't believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don't wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin'
He wouldn't let this be, no, no

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Some things in life they just don't wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin'
He wouldn't let this be

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, segregation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Kick me, strike me
Don't you wrong or right me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Thursday, December 24, 2009

the heart of the matter




Today, I was asked if my heart had been broken recently.

hmmmmm....no.


My heart has been disappointed many, many times.

That saddens my soul.



I smile.


I move on. I do what I know I need to do to fulfill my purpose.

Its not enough.

It will do.


Has my heart been broken recently?


No.



















Living in Balance: The Masculine



"Gender is in everything; everything has its Masculine and Feminine Principles; Gender manifests on all planes."--The Kybalion.

In all of Nature, there is balance which includes the aspect of gender.
My insight doesn't actually speak directly to what the Kybalion means when it speaks of gender. I'm doing a little stretching.....

I've gone long enough without that balance. I can feel me pulling the other side of me closer and closer.

It is the HE. I know that HE is needed to balance my spirit and to move with me in this next phase.

I seek that balance. I seek it in wisdom.

I am Yin. He is Yang. I am the Moon. He is the Sun. We are One.






Sunday, December 20, 2009





I'm cutting all coat tail riders.

snip. snip.



America. The Great Experiment, you are clothed in perceived Blessing, yet arrogant and selfish. What murderous seeds you've sown and you blindly assume you shall never reap for the evil you sowed onto Natives, Africans, Irish, Japanese, the poor....God, Have CONTINUED mercy on this nation.



twittering in my thoughts....








Strong as an oak, rooted and brave and yet my leaves are vulnerable...exposed...


lifting up, pushing against the wind...trying to hang on...


Some would say, this is where my beauty resides....the changing of my colors, the blossoms of springs morning glow...


I remain the rooted oak....strong and lasting allowing my leaves to be as the be...


They will come again, more beautiful, being strengthen from the internal love of
rings of wisdom and divine creation...

I am whole...

twittering in my thoughts...

Ego Tripping








What is Ego?

Definition please:


e⋅go

[ee-goh, eg-oh]
1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
2. Psychoanalysis. the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.
3. egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.
4. self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego.
5. (often initial capital letter) Philosophy.
a. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.
b. Scholasticism. the complete person comprising both body and soul.



tripping


A [state of mind] brought on by experiencing a different state of consciousness- mostly through vast changes in perception, senses and thought patterns




Analysis

We all ego trip. I do it. You do it. We do it.

Ok.

What then brings about balance?
Humility

–noun, the quality or condition of being humble;
[modest opinion or estimate] of one's own importance, rank, etc.


Now, folks, we're not talking about false or fake humility when you KNOW you need to be humble and force yourself to feel humility cuz Ego wants to come out and play.

I can actually say that I don't see alot of Ego issues in the work that I do. I think because no matter what, in what we do, its not about us. We speak more about incompetence than anyone EGO tripping. Not to say it isn't there, it maybe just manifests differently.

Expanding outside the walls of social service and community based...well, anything....the battle of the ID is more prominent making me look at myself more and more about my attitude towards my purpose and giftings.

"Humility before Honor"

This was my signature before CWUW was truly birthed. My Valley days had me face ME daily. I learned true humility being stripped of family, friends, and finances and I have to do all I can never to forget those times and yet move forward.

I've had to question and think through what vibrations am I putting out into the universe. I always have had to do a self examination of how I'm perceived. I'm not quick to talk with people and I do ask questions. That puts off some but its my own way.....and its hard to balance being who you authentically are and not put off others.

The word intimidating is constantly thrown my way.

I'm learning also that my sarcasm is off putting at times even though I'm sitting here giggling.

So I'm learning to strike the balance. I'm still learning that sometimes people need something from you and you have to open yourself up to that need also long as it doesn't cross any boundary.

Ego Tripping

I've witnessed the EGO trip in others and I really don't ever want to go on that ride. I'm not as important as my purpose. I live for it and it doesn't live for me. My talents and purpose can be stripped and moved to someone else OR it will never be truly revealed if I don't become humble before it and the ONE who provides all things.

Even with CWUW, we are still babies. I tell folks everyday we are far from where we need to be. The PERCEPTION is that we are a well oiled machine. I always let folks know that we are still gathering parts but the parts we have are working and moving forward. We are doing the best we can with being "virtual" organization and trying to establish a new paradigm in health and wellness for Indianapolis. I try not to TRIP on our failings. We learn and grow and move on.....but

I'm protective of this purpose.

I can't and won't apologize for this. Its what I've been given stewardship over. Its in my care for a reason. I understand why people have been give visions. Its for YOU. You are to birth this baby and with your children, you protect it from harm. I do the same with CWUW without apology.

Nothing to do with EGO.

I would never harm another persons vision because of my own needs. I understand it. I support it. I expect the same. I'm not giving my child over to anyone that will do it harm. Would you? So I don't make apologizes for questioning ones intentions towards me or my work.
At the same time, I don't mind being questioned. I actually long for the challenge to my thoughts. I think this is where my inner circle comes in, my sisters. They will ask, challenge, and question me. I need that. I really really do.



At the end of the day....

Just apologize.

If your EGO decides to get the best of the trip and takes you on the ride. Open your mouth and just apologize. I think I get concerned that I either come off too mean or sensitive especially when neither is taking place. Its important to really think about what you've done to the other person, and sincerely apologize.

I'm sorry. Acknowledge your mess up. Acknowledge what you've done to THEM not how your mess up effects you. [EGO TRIPPING] I've seen this happen so many times. I'm like....whoa....

There were times this year I've had to say, "I'm sorry". I snapped at one of my CWUW Crew members at Life Jam. I came back and apologized immediately. My stress level was high, other things had occurred to upset me, and I took it out on her. I'm thankful that she knows I wasn't being mean spirited but I had to do it. I couldn't just take for granted that she would just forgive and forget without my apology.



The Ego:


It can be a self check. We can use it to check ourselves in how we approach others and even how we view ourselves. Nothing wrong with being confident and self-assured but those things don't case harm or hurt feelings.


Never let Ego take you way from Divinity.











































Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I need to shine like I used to

Music is so powerful.

My spirit connects with every lyric and verse, the way a vocalist passionately spills from their soul each word and phrase.

Today Cree Summer is the artist that is allowing me in, making me go deeper, and having me love more.

Deliciously Down lyrics


I need some sweet to soothe my inside
I need some soft to lay down my pride
I need some tears to rain down on me
To melt my memory

I need to slide deliciously down
To where I hurt the least

I need high prayers to breathe through
I need to shine like I used to and I
Know that I'm not supposed to be for nothing

I need a breeze to carry me safe
I need some peace to find my way
I need a song to hold in my palm
And feel the love that made me

I need to slide deliciously down
To where I hurt the least

I need high prayers to breathe through and I
Need to shine like I used to and I
Know that I'm not supposed to be for nothing

I need some love to open my heart
I need a space to fall apart
I need a star for every dream
Do you know what I mean

I need to slide deliciously down
To where I hurt the least








Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Beware: Fragile Cargo






My strength is real, very valid. I'm a rock.


Ok that's out of the way.


I'm still human. I seem to do a lot of writing and venting about this. Just me proving that I have feelings and that I can be hurt. Some throw insanity my way knowing I can handle some of it but there's a time when your spirit needs comforting, a kind word, a hug.


I think I'm now at the point of making a plea, raising my expectations.

I'm moving into 2010 focused on Rhonda. I first need to give myself the proper attention and love. I can't give anything to anyone at this point.

I'm not only fragile cargo...but precious.

On the Mend

Monday, December 14, 2009

[RE]jection





The hardest thing for a giver is to have their gift rejected because it feels as if you're being rejected.


Reality.

No you're not but we sometimes see our gifts are an extension of our feelings and emotions towards that person or a symbol of who we are. When that gift is rejected, we feel it reflects on us.

How did we learn about rejection? How did we learn to feel that when someone doesn't want to be in our lives that it someone how means we are less than.....

I don't know.

I have some rejection issues. Why? First, I'm human. Secondly, I'm black. Thirdly, I'm female.
I'm conditioned this way. I've learned this behavior. Daily, I strive to move beyond it.

[RE]jection

Its full of disease, sadness, and emptiness. It can lead to depression and anxiety even.

Learn to love you. Learn that what matters more is your opinion of yourself. Learn that its something that we all experience.

[IN]jection

Inject yourself with love...daily.