Monday, January 31, 2011

The Day She Died

February 19, 2011 will be the anniversary of the death of my mother. I find myself always needing to revisit that long night and early morning right before she transcended.  Its the last moment when I touch her. 7 years have drifted past and yet time hasn't moved. I can cry as if the moment is being relived right in front of me. She left.  She moved on.  She knew we would be fine. She knew in her death I'd gain strength.  She knew I'd never fear anything again.  My mother died. I was there when the last breath came and went.


I am motherless.  Spiritually, I know my mother is ever present.  She responds to my call as all the ancestors do but her laughter was healing and is missed. She was loud.  She was passionate.  She was a giving soul and loved until it hurt. She was magic. I miss it all.  I miss her getting on my nerves with corny jokes. I miss her being mad at me because I didn't call her. I miss her loving me through all of my flaws and failures.  She made me believe I was the greatest.  I believed her.   But she needed for me to believe in ME.  I needed to be able to look in the mirror and love me without her working to convince me of something I should have known.  So she left so I can live. I understand Ma. I truly do.  I can't wait to hear you laugh and tell a corny joke. I can't wait to hug you again.


I think about the day she died constantly.  It was the day she gave birth to me.....again.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

dream a dream

Dream.

a text message from someone stating - "I love you." This someone is distant physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Dream.

a little boy sitting on a bench, legs swinging, looking at me, smiling.....he knows me and I know him. Its love.

Dream.

What do you do with dreams that make no sense? Do you analyze or figure the dinner has manifest itself into people, places and things?  These two dreams were quick but I woke up immediately because they were very confusing.

They will manifest, come alive, in some way or I need to watch what I eat for dinner.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Be Love...at all times

Its so very hard to stay positive with negativity flowing like Willy Wonka's chocolate river. Let's try.  Let's try to push past negative words, negative treatment, and negative attitudes by seeking positive solutions.  Hurt feelings can creep up.  For me recently, my feelings were hurt and I became confused by the dismissive treatment I've received by someone I really admired. I responded in a passive aggressive manner but quickly realized....this person's treatment of me says nothing about who I am.  I had to change my disposition and move forward and even more so continue to...love. 

I'm not speaking of romantic love but a pure, heart felt love for the human condition.

Life will always show up. People will always reveal their TRUTH in action. So Love.  Continue to aspire for greatest. Continue to be compassionate.  Continue to allow the power of the Holy Spirit flow through you and guide you to the next levels of greatest to honor the Creator.  In all things, be humble for we all have been created with purpose. We are all Stars. We are all worthy. Never mistreat another soul but if you do, return with apology asking for forgiveness.  If you've been harmed, forgive. Let go of the hurt and in turn release it back to God and move forward in Love.

We've been given such a powerful gift. Love is greater than all things.

 As my mom would say, love.....love....and then love some more.

Monday, January 24, 2011

idol

Admiration poured from my soul connecting to thought and puprose and driven by love of humanity

Agape.

my desire was not one to seduce. My wiles were contained in a jar for another time, another soul. 

words never met words with truth, never provided space for mutual regard

Anger.

why am I angered? Left feeling debased. why? did you think my wiles, my admiration should bow down? Power play. tug.


rejection.

death by ego.


ReThinking Oprah Magazine

I've passed Oprah's magazine many times on the newsstand. I've admired how sometimes O looks like my mom but then I quickly turn to Jet, Ebony, Village Voice and other mags that still grace us with their celebrity news, world events, and UFO reports.  I was at the airport looking for a couple of magazines to read on the plane and I decided to take a chance on Oprah.

I bought the mag plus Essence.  I thumbed through Essence first.  Essence is Essence. [shrug] I move to Oprah's mag with hopes that it wouldn't be filled with ads of blond white women, articles about Martha's Vineyard and more of Oprah's favorite things.  The first ad I see - Blond White Woman.  [deep sigh]  I didn't give up.  I flipped and flipped the pages before reading anything.  I wanted to see what O had to offer a 43 year old Black, single mother, living in the Midwest.

 Give me something O. 

I continue to flip and I see an article about the founders of the Rebecca Project, two awesome sistas serving women in the DC area.

Perk

I'm into it now.  Let me flip some more. There's a brief article on Carla Boutin-Foster, Director of the Comprehensive Center of Excellence in Disparities Research and Community Engagement, a fabulous organization serving people in NYC by providing healthcare services like medical van tours to barbershops offering free on-site diabetes and blood pressure screenings.  I'm beginning to love Oprah's mag. 

I read an article about Asian mothers and about Mary Williams, the "daughter" of Jane Fonda and her life living with Jane as a young black woman.  I had no idea.

The diversity of the magazine is to be appreciated.  Oprah does try to give you a slice of life from the perspective of women...period. Some may still pass on it but I'd say, try it on for size just once.

Just once.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Don't Believe the Hype

We are gifted.  We are talented. We are fabulous.

Confidence is what drives us to fulfill our dreams and fly beyond expectations.

In all of our successes, we can not get caught up in celebrity, in our own hype.

Don't believe the hype because it will come to fail you at some point. Believe that you are empowered to live a purposed driven existence.  Believe that you are a powerful child of God who is loved. And believe, we all are.  We are unique and yet we are not unique.

Arrogance and Ego are the culprits. They will trip you.  You shall fall, hard.  Allow the mirror to be as honest as it can be.  Check ya self.  Check your posture.  Check your attitude.  Check the way you treat others.

We are living in a time when celebrity is more important than honesty.  We are living in a time when reality is scripted and consumed as entertainment.

Examine hype when it comes.  Praise has its place.  It should be given only when deserved and should be rarely expected.

God will give you honor.