I am motherless. Spiritually, I know my mother is ever present. She responds to my call as all the ancestors do but her laughter was healing and is missed. She was loud. She was passionate. She was a giving soul and loved until it hurt. She was magic. I miss it all. I miss her getting on my nerves with corny jokes. I miss her being mad at me because I didn't call her. I miss her loving me through all of my flaws and failures. She made me believe I was the greatest. I believed her. But she needed for me to believe in ME. I needed to be able to look in the mirror and love me without her working to convince me of something I should have known. So she left so I can live. I understand Ma. I truly do. I can't wait to hear you laugh and tell a corny joke. I can't wait to hug you again.
I think about the day she died constantly. It was the day she gave birth to me.....again.