Monday, July 27, 2009


Interesting that you can have folks that complain that you don't open up to them or that you don't ask for help and when you do....they go silent.

You get an F.

Sista, my sista .....who is zooming who? (grammatically incorrect because I like it that way)

I've worked with women for the past 15 years on HIV/AIDS, relationships, and health issues. There have been times when I just watched us.


What is going on?

First things, first. Black women are beautiful. We are made with an inner strengthen that is amazing. We've pushed through all of the worlds nonsense and hatred for our beauty, bodies, and strength. I love how we've been created.

Now with all of that said, we are falling a part. We can no longer hold up and take anymore. We also have to start facing the mirror. What part of this destruction is our responsibility?

I've had conversations with black men who don't understand feminism and how it relates to black women and our relationships with them. Somehow feminism is the cause of the destruction of the black family (according to some of the men I've spoken with) and black women have listened to white women too long. (sigh)

I'm not about to do a history lesson in regards to the women's movement. We can look at the civil rights movement and you can see that women do not get the place in history as men. Nevertheless, black women should not apologize for wanting to be treated fairly and equitably. Unfortunately, some of my sisters have used their success in education and employment as a means to degrade some brothers who don't have as many zeros on their checks. They cry out, "there aren't any good men." Really?

They've only developed their professional lives and yet their personal lives are chaotic. These were the women most difficult to work with when I was doing HIV prevention work. They have wrapped their identity so tightly into their work and education that they didn't think they needed anything else. They couldn't understand why their were single, they didn't believe they were at risk for HIV even when I tried to point out their serial monogamy wasn't keeping them safe. Sista, wake up. They would point their fingers at the "Hoes". hmmmmm.....who is zooming who?

What I've also learned is that Sistas still want the fairy tale but will settle for the nightmare. I hear women talk about still wanting to be married and have children but are giving into the possibilities that this may not occur. We've decided that we should be in competition with one another (pushed also by the male agenda) for the attention and love of any man. Some women share men without issue in search for the fairy tale. Who is zooming who?

We are believing that birthing children will someone keep you tied to the man you love. We forget that children are not pawns. We forget that we must be responsible for healing the bitterness we feel from the man that left so we can concentrate on being the best parent we can be in the circumstance that WE are partially responsible for putting ourselves into. We don't have to have sex with these men. We don't have to have their children. If we decided this is what we want to do, woman-up and take responsibility for your part. If that man leaves you with a child, yes, he is worthless. Heal thyself. Now what? Do you spend your time fighting this man or even fighting that inner hurt that your children will see? who is zooming who?

Our hatred of one another has to end. Light-skinned, what. We can't feed into this any longer. We have to celebrate all of our beauty and be accepting of who we are. My light-skinned, sistas.....beautiful....dark-skinned sistas...beautiful. We have to recognized the game that is being played. Understand that its the men and the record labels that keep our darker skinned women out of videos. Its the advertisers that think only having lighter skinned women (and curly head little girls) is what all America wants to see. Let's not let these entities separate us. To hear my darker skinned sistas say "light skinned women think they are better" or hearing my lighter skinned sistas say "dark-skinned (nappy-headed) women are ugly" is hurtful and I've heard both. Who is zooming who?

I could go on and on. These aren't really even complete thoughts but just STUFF that have seen and heard over the years.

We have to look in the mirror. We have to understand how the system plays games with our families and our lives. We have to understand how WE contribute to our own issues. We have to do better. God made us the mother. Let's act as if we understand what that means.

Visionaries are insane....or didn't you see that?

I am a visionary. I can see the end from the beginning. I am a little insane, in a good way. Being a visionary doesn't make me special. I'm simply recognizing and accepting my piece of the plan, my responsibility in the big picture. We all have a role to play.

The insanity comes in when you have to be in the future and in the present. You have to keep your eye on both and understand how it all manifests. Its hard when you're surrounded by folks who may understand the vision in theory but can't feel it, taste it, or touch it like you do. Its very organic and real to me. I'm energized by fellow visionaries because we speak the same language. We have ideas on how to fix everything, save the planet, and just make it all better. Its hard to keep us focused. One vision at a time, can be hard from some. There are others that God has provided one vision and even in that, the drive to make it happen can be overwhelming from an outsiders perspective. It can look as if we only live for the vision but its the fire that keeps us lit. Passion and Vision are so closely related but not the same.

I have an expectation that we all have a passion from something but vision is about the desired outcome that's not singular in mission. Its about change on a large scale.

This is an interesting definition of a Visionary Leader:

Visionary leaders are the builders of a new dawn, working with imagination, insight, and boldness. They present a challenge that calls forth the best in people and brings them together around a shared sense of purpose. They work with the power of intentionality and alignment with a higher purpose. Their eyes are on the horizon, not just on the near at hand. They are social innovators and change agents, seeing the big picture and thinking strategically.

As I come to understand more about me and what makes me tick, I'm learning that being a visionary is just a part of me. I can be very odd, quirky, and very introspective when it comes time to make the vision manifest.

I've embraced the insanity that's rhythmic, purposed, and driven to birth nothing more than life and love.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Power of the Girdle

Ok Ladies!

Time for some tough love. If you have any thing wiggling and jiggling, if its lumpy and bumpy, its time to buy a girdle. Even when I was young, thin, and tight, I rocked a girdle to make sure its all nice and smooth. Daily, I see women that I really want to scream....GET A GIRDLE!!!

Girdles are different today. There's not the boning like it use to be although sometimes those still seem to be the best. Corsets are sexy and hold you in and suck you up. If you are on your way to a healthier you and its just not tight yet, invest in a girdle and a better bra too. A good bra actually makes you look thinner and helps your back if you're a bustier woman.

I know I shouldn't have to say this stuff but this isn't the generation of girdle wearers. My mother was an advocate and taught me all about the different types of girdles and I still wear them. I know some women lovvvvvveee their thickness and want to show it off but sometimes it doesn't look sexy but sloppy. Just smooth it out.

So go and buy one. Please.


When I blog, I blog generally off the top of the dome. I just type. I actually don't go back to reread it either and I post immediately, without edit, without spell check.

This makes for some interesting poems but I know that I must come back and review and edit other writings so if you're new to "clevawords", just know that I know that,..... that needed a comma, or the word is spelled wrong, or that didn't make any sense.

just flow with me.