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Take me out of the game

When you think you have a grasp of your faith?  When you think you've figured out what God is trying to show you? Just at that moment of Clarity, it seems like God moves you into the wilderness with the lions, small odd sounds, and darkness.   It's as if you passed one test and they hand you another that you've never studied.

When you're running like Alice trying to get out of wonderland.  I've been moved from faith to faith without a chance to look around and give honor to the moment and give thanks to God.  I want to stand on talk of the mountain and plant my flag.  I want to reach the end of the race and receive my medal and scream to the world, "Look, I did it".  But that isn't my life.  It never has been that simple  I've never lived with long breaks from God trying to teach me lessons of longer-suffering, perseverance, and gratitude.   There's always been a lesson around the corner.  I've developed this attitude like an athlete wher…

Call me Dorothy: Self Care in the Tornado

I've had the intent of self-care.  I've planned. 

In the midst of crisis, its very hard to begin anything.  Its like trying to clean your house in the middle of a tornado.  It feels impossible.  I'm still a mother and a grandmother in the middle of this self care journey.  I'm still the leader of my org and a part of community orgs in the middle of this self care journey.  My spirit wants all of that to stop for a month or even a year.  I mean  I don't want anyone asks me to do anything.  Even more importantly, I don't want to feel obligated to do it.  I just don't want to do it right now. 

I know I need time for me and not in bits and pieces.  I want to be selfish without guilt.  Its the battle of many women in trying to figure this thing out.  How can I be whole in this whirlwind of life's struggles.  I'm committed to making sure that I stop and check in with me.  I committed to allowing myself my tears and screams.  I'm trying to be vulnerab…

Make Sweet Love - Sexuality

My professional life has been focused on the prevention of HIV in primarily women.  In this work, I've had the opportunity to talk about sexuality from all angles.  As we want people to be sexually responsible, we should encourage that they are sexually satisfied.  Historically, mens sexual desire has been the point of attention.  What a man wants, he gets sexually through consent, oppression, or force.   Men have been allowed to explore their sexual fulfillment in extreme ways. This, of course, is a level of oppression and its a social norm for many. 

In my talks with women about their sexual fulfillment, I've spoken with women who have never experienced "the Big O".   Their sexual experiences were driven by whatever the man desired.  You'd think that everyone is experiencing sex in the same way - like the last porn movie with moans and repeated orgasms. We don't teach our girls they are sexual beings.  We teach them to be guarded, that their sexuality is a…

My love letter to Black people

I see the black community different than some.  I see a group who survives in the best way it possibly can under decades (centuries) of mental, physical, and spiritual abuse and terrorism.  I see a people who constantly figures out how  to seek out happiness and joy under scrutiny  and judgment from the majority group and from its own. I see creative and inventive people who can make something from nothing over and over and over  Some of us make it.  Some don't.  Some develop self hate.  Our children are deemed less innocent and treated as such and then we are surprised when they grow up have a lack of respect for themselves or others. We don't receive empathy in regards to how centuries of terrorism - mental, physical, and spiritual-  impacts our health and well being. We somehow are supposed to get over it while the whip is still swinging. 

 I see people overcoming.  I see people trying.  I see people succumbing to constant and persistent messaging and imagery of inferiorit…

Social Media: Keeping it Real

Social Media is an interesting creature. ONLINE: We're all so brilliant. We're all so healthy. We all are so religious. We love our mothers. We are perfect parents. Well, I'm here to tell ya, not me. I'm flawed. I'm quirky. I don't like to go to places where there's a lot of people. Quiet is cool. Me and God fight. Me and my daughter just had a horrible two years but we're back being where we should be. I've been physically unhealthy for the past two years and it was causing some depression. I couldn't figure it out. I don't like to be  deep, every damn day. I know what I know and there's a whole lotta stuff I'm clueless about. I'm a patient friend but I can shut you out without reason. I'm working on me.

 I think Social Media is missing a dose of realness and regular. I'm down for folks working to obtain their goals and doing it out loud. I get it. I know that it can help others. I'm just con…

I deserve

We many times have to give ourselves permission to live life on our own terms .  Its a difficult transition to move from living for the world and then remembering that you're a part of that world and deserve care, love, fairness, and honesty just as everyone else.

In August 2014, I became ill. I had pains in my legs that were hard to articulate mixed with the flu and a shot of lupron to reduce my hormones.  I was miserable.  It was very unexpected.  August was the month to prep for a scheduled surgery in September.  I had to make sure that my home was ready, that my daughter was ready, and my organization was ready.  Nothing was ready.  I found myself struggling to enjoy my trip to New York.  I recall walking from Afropunk to the subway and wondering if I would make it.  My legs were filled with pain.  Hot flashes came and went with no summer breeze to help remedy my own private summer.  Miserable.  Something was happening.  This something had been happening for a couple of years…