Sunday, December 14, 2014

Make Sweet Love - Sexuality

My professional life has been focused on the prevention of HIV in primarily women.  In this work, I've had the opportunity to talk about sexuality from all angles.  As we want people to be sexually responsible, we should encourage that they are sexually satisfied.  Historically, mens sexual desire has been the point of attention.  What a man wants, he gets sexually through consent, oppression, or force.   Men have been allowed to explore their sexual fulfillment in extreme ways. This, of course, is a level of oppression and its a social norm for many. 

In my talks with women about their sexual fulfillment, I've spoken with women who have never experienced "the Big O".   Their sexual experiences were driven by whatever the man desired.  You'd think that everyone is experiencing sex in the same way - like the last porn movie with moans and repeated orgasms. We don't teach our girls they are sexual beings.  We teach them to be guarded, that their sexuality is a "gift" to be only given to someone special, and that they shouldn't be too sexually expressive.  If we remove religion from this conversation, how does this benefit our society to keep women's sexuality so controlled and policed?

Teaching sexual health and responsibility doesn't mean we should suppress sexual expression.  We need to teach that we are all sexual beings.  We have deep attractions and sexual connections with others.  We teach we must decided for ourselves what best keeps us emotionally and spiritually healthy as we decide to dive into our sexual selves. We have to stop teaching that sex is bad and stop using sexually transmitted infections as a scare tactic to keep youth from being sexually active. Being sexually healthy is being informed and being able to speak about sex in a wonderfully honest way.  Fear isn't they to create a healthy mindset to sex.

In our sexual relationships, we have to be able to talk about it.  Yes we need to talk about condoms and past partners but we also need to talk about kissing and touching and loving.  We need talk about where those kisses should land.  We need to talk about positions and fetish.  Do you like porn or not?   Talk about it.  Play with each other.  Allow yourselves to grow together not only emotionally and spiritually in your relationships but bonding sexually.  Believe me when I say that just because people are having sex, doesn't mean they are having good sex. 

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