Monday, August 30, 2010

Telling me things...

my eyes grow tired
mind still races
God sends messages of correction
and focus
directing my prayers to and fro
mostly about one
telling me more things than I want to know
but I pray

my mind grows tired
my shoulders ache
God tells me to pray more
things never look like they seem
especially about one
wanting to be ok with, thinking and even daydreaming
but I meditate

[to be continued]

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Friday, August 27, 2010

Beauty is where you find it...

I woke up this morning sick. Can't breathe. Chest hurts. 

But on my mind, streaming like a movie......"Beauty is where you find it!"

[scratches head]

I quickly realized that I had not channeled Madonna but God is telling me something but what?

First, what is Beauty?  I've always said that I would rather be perceived as "Beautiful" than "Pretty" any day.  Pretty is fixed. Its stationary. Its...well....boring.  Beauty can be packaged in so many ways. Its diverse.  Its magical. Its wondrous.

Looking through your own lens of life.....what do you see? Where do you find Beauty?

To Some, there's no difference in this thing called "Pretty" and "Beauty".  Its the same. Its all about the aesthetic. Its mostly visual and based on some deep brainwashing. Only a certain look, hair, skin tone, weight, and flair needs to apply.  Personality and spirit are secondary. 

For me, Beauty is deeper.  Beauty is how a person views the world.  Beauty is how she or he has overcome their obstacles and the smile they still exude. Beauty IS aesthetic but its how a scare somehow becomes a beauty mark or how a pimple looks like a tilaka, letting us see your third eye will represented.  Beauty is how my extra 30lbs becomes sexy and sensual when the world says it shouldn't.   Beauty is looking at people, things, and situations with YOUR lens.  Its seeing deeper and waiting to know more, more, and more.  

Beauty is knowing that some can never be put into a box of beauty, careers, and other expected ends. I've tried to be in the box. I tried to mold my brain, my body, my life to fit. It caused nothing but harm. My beauty is fly.  Smart, sarcastic, introverted, driven, caring, nutty, obsessive-compulsive,  My gap-toothed smile is beauty.  

I truly believe we are missing each other because we're afraid to move beyond Pretty and try Beauty out for a change. We pick relationships, platonic and romantic, based on some laid out formula of attractiveness, career, etc.

2 parts ass, 1 part brain, 4 parts dolla dolla bills

See life and love through a different lens so you won't miss out, so you won't pass over....beautiful, wonderful people. 

Where do you find Beauty?

Friday, August 20, 2010

thoughts and thangs

More dreams about waiting on God and allowing him to do all and be all.

But yo, wait....I'm a workaholic.  I'm a doer. Just let me....right?

This is the oddest revelation that's come to me this week. I've truly have rested. I've enjoyed every moment on some level. I've embraced the huge possiblity of moving and yet God needs to tell me to "let go 100%". 

100%?  This doesn't fit well with my control issues. They are feeling WEIRD and concerned.  Can God handle this on HIS own? I mean, I know me.   I am me, right? hmmmmm....ok. 

Back to Indy.  Letting God do HIS thing.....[crosses fingers]


Thursday, August 19, 2010

More than a Super Hero - A Woman

Just a quick little blog.  I'm in my most favorite place on Earth, NYC. I'm enjoying my friends and the City.

I've enjoyed meeting new friends, helping others with their dreams, and RESTING. 

A revelation from the trip: I need to let the Rhonda light shine more. I'm more than CWUW, Social Networker, HIV/AIDS activist, and even Mother.  I'm cool.  No really....I'm really a cool chick but I hide it. I hide it behind my work ethic.  I hide behind my focus.  Why? I'm waiting for Part Deux of this revelation to occur but I had a dream that made me think to.....slow down and enjoy all parts of ME and allow God to do HIS thing.

The Dream:

In my car and the brakes go out. I can't even switch it to drive. I can't turn the steering wheel....I had NO control.

Freaky but I understood the dream.  Let go Rhon. Be Free.  Enjoy who you are. I'm fly. :) 

You should know me.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Essence Magazine's White Girl

I'm listening to some of the best intellectuals we have in Black culture make their cases for why Essence magazine has done a bad thing.  I'm reading women and men screaming out about this injustice of our beloved magazine hiring a white woman as the Fashion Director.  Normally, you would see me ready to go to battle over any injustice, any issue where I can see that one group will be held down, held back from being able to actively participate equal at the table.

I'm not ready for battle. 

Black's only?

 Is the issue simply around her being white  or do we know more about her qualifications for being a fashion editor? I understand the disappointment and anger about this but I'm concerned that we've solely wrapped this commentary around her whiteness and not included any discussion about work history and qualifications. Admittedly, I haven't stayed up on this particular issue with Essence other than the immediate responses given once the word got out about the hire. So I researched and she's worked with Oprah, Us Weekly, and was an freelance writer for Essence prior to her hire. Mmmm'kay.

So what is really issue?

Michaela Angela Davis and others are concerned with the lack of professional opportunities for Blacks in the fashion industry and that Essence, an institution, should be a place to empower, promote, and encourage the professional development of those in the industry. 

Ok. I get it.

But I like these questions asked by Nathaniel Payne, news writer for JustMeans,

"Has Essence ignored its proud history by hiring a non African American fashion director? Is the magazine justified in its hiring decision? Finally, as a society and global community, should we be doing more to ensure that under-represented groups in all industries receive priority treatment during hiring competitions?"
This isn't an easy issue. From my point of view, Elliana Placas, the White woman in question, is qualified for the job. Can Essence responsibly provide priority treatment in hiring in this post-racial America? How does Essence speak and advocate for equality in employment for Black women without the discussion becoming mired in the issues  of affirmative action and racial quotas? 

To go even further, Essence has moved away from its original mission of being the magazine for Black women. I don't care what they still say.  Its changed to be a magazine that if a white woman picked it up, she would still feel a part of the storyline, commentary, and point of view.  Time Warner needs for Essence to make money and needs to mainstream its look and advertising.  We see that in the change of the cover and the types of ads inside the magazine.  Where was the outcry for these subtle changes? Advertising is the bloodline of a magazine.  Time Warner is a business and Essence is a product.  How do you sell a Black women's magazine to the masses?  Questions, questions, and more questions....

As an advocate for equality for women, I see this as a minor issue that needs some attention but not the ammunition thrown at it. Don't think we need some international outcry when there are major hurdles and battles to be fought by women and especially Black women.  This isn't to say that I don't understand the heartfelt statements given by Michaela and others but.....[shrug].  I'm saving my protest for another fight, another battle.  Essence decided to change years ago and its just continuing its journey to mainstream [success] and believes this hire is the best to take them down that rode.

As the world turns.......

Monday, August 2, 2010

Let Love Rule...

The one thing I'm not cynical about is LOVE.   I love Love. I love being in Love, I love showing Love, I love watching others in Love.  Its so beautiful and its the one thing that we're messing nowadays.  Pure love escapes so many of us.  To think that some have no idea what a mother's love feels like is so sad.  I've seen loveless marriages take place and why, because we're all truly searching for Love and yet have a hard time really identifying what love means, feels like, and is.

"You take the bitter with the sweet!" - Grandma

That was my grandmother's advice to her children when they would complain about their marriages. You don't see too many staying in for the bitterness. Love isn't always about being HAPPY and gitty.  Its acceptance of your partners imperfections and flaws and a willingness to persevere through trials. Somehow, we want perfection even when we're not perfect ourselves.

I desire and will have the Love of a partner.  I have the most beautiful Love relationship with my daughter.

Because I have such a great need to give Love, demonstrate Love to God's people, I'm sure it will be returned to me 100 fold.    Be loving and caring to one another. Love is the most beautiful gift God has given us and we can't even recognize it.  We seek it in the wrong places like greed and loneliness. 

I truly believe Love screams out to be loved again.