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believe me.....u really don't know everything.


that's for those coming here to be nosy.  seek and u will find....are u sure u want to find it?



lastly, go away.

Return of the scale

When I started working at the Damien Center, I wanted to lose about 25lbs and now that number has risen to about 50lbs.  The return of the scale has revealed that I've gain about 30lbs in the past year. I stopped working out and just worked, helped my daughter, and oh, did I say worked.  Each year I've promised myself time for me and I've yet to do it.  God has made a way. I have FREE training 3 times per week. I have an accountability partner in my daughter.  I want it more than ever.  I've been wearing these layers. We're taking them off finally with the biggest weight loss challenge I've every had to face since after having my daughter.  I was focused and this will take focus.  I have to come before work and even others.

Its so early in this process.  Lost 2lbs. More to go.  I'm ready. again.
God protects fools and babies.....you know that saying. I'm convinced its so very true.

I have to believe in Divine justice though.  God takes care of all situations in time.  I do have to remember that all things in the dark do come to the light especially if the truth has not been fully revealed.  I'm seeing that some things are still in the dark.  Light will come.  God has to protect the heart of the fool and of the foolish perpetrator.  Yeah....today...I don't have much of a forgiving, loving heart.  AT all.

sexob

I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.

This is far from a Dre cd.......the detox

Detoxing is actually letting go of something you love but causes harm in some way. We can detox from so many things including people.  Its just like getting off any drug where you have to take it one day at a time.  I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.

Never been a 12 stepper.  I need more than sobriety. I need healing. I miss it....them....and I really do.


ramble bamble

If you are insecure, look inward.

There are no scapegoats for the way you feel about yourself.

Grass is never greener. Don't compare grass.

Mow your lawn and tend to your field.

Intuition is different than paranoia.  Know the difference.

Pray without ceasing. You can only know what you see and experience but there's more going on and in the works.  All things, good and bad, work to strengthen you and make you better. Bad things are good. Change is good. 

If you need love, look no further than to the One that dwell inside of you.

Look up and inward and heal.

Look in the mirror. Decide. Where are you in your life? Who are you? Where are you? Why are you making the decisions you're making? Learn from your journey.

I am a spiritual being. Not many are nowadays but I believe in a God and I believe I have a direct connection to that Spiritual Being who provides me with wisdom. I believe though we must seek this wisdom. We must know that there is something greater than our circumstances. Change will come but there is a way to handle change with grace.  God knows the end. We are to seek a way to that end and live our purpose.  What is today may not be tomorrow. I've learned this through breakups, deaths, and losses but I survived. I'm here.  I keep moving forward through all adversity and I'm learning more and more.....and more...I must pray.  I must seek the spiritual to understand and move through the physical. I still walk primarily a Christian path but I know that there is more to Spirituality than what has been taught via t…

Those hard lessons of life....learn them..so you can live.

Learned a great lesson in friendship today.

Love them through it.  Leave them to learn it.  Watch them become it.

Its about the journey.  God will provide a way, protection, and truth. We have to be open to accept responsibility, to accept truth, and to learn. We have to always pray, pray without ceasing.

We are each made for our own personal journeys through life. We can't follow the map for someone else but learn our own map for life and walk through it. Friendships develop out of honesty, love, and trust. Anytime anyone of those falters, the connection has changed.  The need for that connection has changed. Even the desire for that connection has changed.  Restoration comes from first understanding there has been a change, there was a need for it, and that a new connection has to be established to return again.  This is with all levels of relationships -family, friendships, and love.  To be restored, you have to be renewed. New eyes - scales removed to see the new day. We lea…

Its not here what you seek.

What is the truth? Where do you find it? Where do you look?

What are you really looking for? Honesty. Truth. What?

What is driving you to seek? Intuition? Hunger? Loss? Fear?

The biggest part of this.....is to start in the right place. 

Start with Prayer.

Psalm 34

1I WILL bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.    2My life makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble and afflicted hear and be glad.
3O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.
4I sought (inquired of) the Lord and required Him [of necessity and on the authority of His Word], and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
5They looked to Him and were radiant; their faces shall never blush for shame or be confused.
6This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.
7[a]The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him [who revere and worship Him with awe] and each of them He delivers.
8O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him.
9O fear the Lord, you His saints [revere and worship Him]! For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear.
10The young lions lack food…

Hello....what brings you...here?

disappear....

Biological....wha?

The concept of "family" has changed for me.  Family isn't only the people who are a part of a bloodline but whothose love you unconditionally, who are in your corner, and who want the best for you. Can this be your so-called blood? Of course it can.  I have great family members but I also know that "family" can destroy your soul.   I've learned to talk in terms of supportive systems, love circles, and family that reaches outside of blood and obligation. I love my Family which is made of sister friends who love me wholeheartedly and embrace me entirely.  I can't say that for some who are called family by blood.

We all need FAMILY and some of us have family by design and not by birth.  Celebrate those who God has brought into your life to love on you and let them.

confused.

I have to really think about how I've allowed myself to be used so badly by someone for YEARS.  I know I was being used...NOW. I didn't before.  I thought I was cool with this person who really didn't celebrate our friendship but kept it in a box and secretive because of their own messes.  I allowed it.  I loved this person wholeheartedly.  I thought we'd have a great, long lasting friendship.  I pleaded with this person to stop treating our friendship as some hidden thing. We shouldn't have been that. We were just really cool.  There was some attraction but I really LONGED for the cool friendship.   Never happened.  I stayed in a box and now I know, I was never really the friend but just a....hell, I don't know.  The love I was feeling now....turning into resentment and hatred really.  I've really been treated unfairly in some way and I played myself out badly.  I allowed it.  I'm sad about it. 

Now, I have to deal with my negative energy.  There are …

Nice has limits....

I've helped out a few folks who have taken advantage of the helping hand.

I've experienced straight out disrespect and manipulation. The amazing thing there's the expectation that you will continue to be nice and to give and engage them.  That's what you'd call foolish behavior.  At some point you'd have to say no more, not every again, move on. The interesting thing is how I become the bad guy. :/   Saying no is my right especially if you've caused harm to me and mine in some way. 

Others maybe able to deal with it. I can't.

Bulimia trying to have its way

After a long week, full of ups and downs, I see my old friend....or fiend I should say, trying to have its way. Its always been a way of coping, of finding control.  It tries to be involved and to have a say.  It changes the way I see myself in the mirror.  It wants to take my attention away and focus on negativity. My old friend....oh I mean fiend Bulimia wants to come home.

Today....I looked in the mirror and saw every place where I see fat making a new home, more comfortable than ever.  I see no beauty. I see nothing of God.  Oh...wait...that's not me. That's my old friend....[clears throat] fiend Bulimia.  She knows I've been working on new friendships like security, trust, and hope.  She's jealous.  She's wants back in.  She knows I'm finding acceptance with the body I have today so that I can appreciate the body I'll have tomorrow.   Bulimia is a trickster but she is a quick fix....like a quick hit on a crack pipe.  I know I've gained weight.  I kn…

hmmmm :/

Sub-blogging.

Fucked up....complicated mindset
confusion of love and love and love

how blessed to be overly loved?  God gives you LOVE....dripping and pouring and falling out of every way.....and yet there is confusion?

walk away then and do no harm. the excess love needs to remain behind. can't go with you.

as soon as the words were said, the test was given and you failed me.   I looked for the simplest concern for me.  none was given. you deserve none in return. Give. Stop taking.

Fool of me [Part.....damn]

I just got hit with it.
I just saw it.
Bullshit flung my way.
Steady as she goes.
I saw it. I felt it. I hate it.
SELFISH.
Save yourself.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
[calculator please]
Add another one
another selfish muthafucka
[smirk]
I walk now.  I walk far away now.
I saw it.  Just as a vision.
Bullshit me. You lack. You lie. You want. You need.
[plus sign, equal sign]
All things come to the light.
Who picks up the flashlight?
Just saw it.  Ignorance rests its head in bliss so it can’t see that its ignorant.
God heals. He will finish this.
pihsdneirf
[and scene]

Some corny ass shit but so what....

I imagine a partner in crime. I don't think in terms of power couple but a couple of power minds....melding.  I have my purpose.  You have yours. I take time to help you develop, process, your vision. You keep me balanced so I can complete mine.  Two visions, one legacy. My love takes care of all things me. He is proud to stay in the shadow as I cast a light.  His passion is the fuel to his talent. I'm the hype (wo)man, letting the world know, He is here, He is ready.

God has touched is heart with a road map to giving the us all love through.....everything he does. Super heroes. Unmatched in passion, purpose...and love.


Some corny ass shit but so what....

The Green Cup

All of my life my mom was a serious Coke drinker.  She could easily beat that stupid Pepsi challenge. If she came to your home, even for a short visit, she would have two things with her: a liter of Coke and her green cup.

This Green Cup was the holy grail to us kids.  For some reason,  didn't taste the same unless we took a sip out of it.  It was grimy.  Without shame, mom washed the cup probably only once per week.  She said it was her cup and that she had to let the Coke set in it.  And we didn't care.  From my generation to the next, we felt it was an honor when mom, Grandest, or Aunt Charlotte would say, "Go fill up my cup!"   All that meant was - WE DRINKING SOME COKE FROM THE CUP.  

Mom knew.  She would joke and say, "You didn't drink any did you?" Every kid would swear they didn't but we all new - we couldn't resist.  So where is the infamous Green Cup today?  It sits next to my mom's pic on my bookshelf.  It hasn't been washed se…

Welcome to my humanity

My heart. I have so many writings and blogs that start with just those words. Its the most guarded place of my soul. Its is my sensitive spot, my Achilles heel. My mother said its a curse and warned me that the Owens women loved hard and I'm truly cut from that cloth. I have both fear and a longing for love but I've been trapped in my mind, I think.  I've had some very hurtful and damaging relationships with infidelity being the main issue. Rejection fills my heart. [sucks]

I fear being hurt again.  I give so much of me in a relationship. I'm a partner. I'm present. I'm the buddy. I'm the lover. I get hurt.  Oddly enough, I've had apologies from every man that has hurt me. All have said that I was so present for them and they didn't know what to do.  Its not that I'm unforgiving but....so what?  The apologies are for them.  I've had to forgive without having the apologies so they come bittersweet at times.  With each apology, I get the ques…

A silent scream

I had a good day. I had a bad day.  The bad part of the really shook my spirit and I couldn't really process it the way I wanted to and needed to do. I needed an ear of someone uninvolved, of someone who cares enough just to let off steam, and someone who can calm my spirit.

I'm really only going to say how I felt but not the situation.  I've never been so disrespected by someone I've done so much for. That disrespect even sadden some of my staff members.  I don't want to hurt anyone for any reason.  I try my best to really help any way I can but I know that comes with a price at times. I guess, I'm feeling unappreciated as well. I think many times I walk around silent because "strength" is the armor I'm suppose to wear 24/7. When I'm upset, I feel badly for feeling upset.  I'm not a robot.

Today, I could have physical hurt another person. I was that upset. I could have unleashed all of the 'secrets' I know and could have destroyed…

Alpha Female

I never really have bought into the "Alpha Female" stereotype too much but its something I've been called at lot and I have to admit to seeing the fight for the alpha position without me agreeing to the "competition".  I know I have an perceived confidence.  I don't back away from my opinion. I have a point of view of life and who I am.  I stand. I have an expectation or maybe an assumption that this is how everyone is inherently. I know that's a little naive to think but when I meet a person, I assume they have a point of view as I do and I expect them to express it and defend it as I do.  


Some do and many don't.

I find those who really fake at a point of view, who believe their opinion gives them a position over the next have the most issues with others -  who are ok with their take on things and who aren't shook by another persons POV.  They want to be the loudest.  They want their ideas to be embraced.  If we are thinking about the Alpha Fem…

Art of Seduction

I believe in seduction.

I believe there's an art to it and I believe that art is lost. Seduction doesn't involve nakedness. It doesn't involve explicit word play [well sometimes]. 

Its simpler. 

Its the way I look at you.  The way I smile at you. The way I purposely move in front of you.

and you know its all for you.

Sex isn't the primary goal.  Its the mind [fuck] that is.  I want you to remember, hope, and dream about me.

Sex is easy. Too easy nowadays. Using my feminine wiles to just remain on the mind of someone who has crossed my path, and in my scope. 

Seducing me doesn't mean sexing me. 

Clothed. Eye contact. A smile. A simple word play. Seduction.

[art of]



Me-ness

Finding me-ness that's not connected to you-ness is difficult for me to do. Its one of those revelation moments in the year of me.  Still looking to figure out how to function without feeling the need to serve someone else and their needs. Still trying not to fix everything.  Still trying to have regular ole fun.
 This year....me-ness is still the focus.


Where to go.....

its just all a mystery
my thoughts twirling around
seeing the world move, trying not
to let my mind go
but there is you.

The eye of my self-imposed hurricane
whipping up insecurities I buried in the abyss
finding their way to the surface, exposed again
but there is you.

how do you walk away from a loving friendship
with its own codes and secrets
knowing I can be your savior and your curse
power I would freely give away just to be openly
the blessed gift bestowed,
but there is you.

Revenge is not in my vocabulary....yet

People hurt each other. I've been hurt recently. Not a debilitating hurt but just my feelings were shook. My brain was uneasy. My heart hurt a little bit. Let me say though that in my hurt I feel empowered knowing how and what I could do to seek my revenge.

Funky huh?

It would be simple but you can't do that to people no matter what they've to you directly or indirectly through their deeds or words.


Be thankful I'm not that chick.

[Sex Therapy]

The running joke with two of my co-workers is how "cute" they are. They talk about being in the "cute club" and how the world just knows they are cute and they just live accordingly. I always just laugh, knowing they are very serious about their cuteness.  They told me that I couldn't be a part of the their club because I'm not cute.  They told me not to be sad. I just needed to find the "sexy" club. They then told me how they were not sexy and how they are ok with it. I was told I needed to own my "sexiness" as they have own their cuteness. 
Sounds really goofy to even say. I'm sexy. [shutters]
There is no exaggeration in that story.  This is my life with my co-workers and I love them for their "cute club".  I was a little jealous of their freedom. They aren't conceited people but they are confident in their cuteness whereas this sexy label seemed more like a haunting from some ghost that wants to me learn some lesson. …

Connecting with God…again

My road with the Spiritual has been very interesting. I believe wholeheartedly when I was little that negativity, evil, the demonic, or whatever you want or need to call it, what's too pleased about my existence. At 6 weeks old, my other woke smoldering smoke and a hole by my head. Instead of the fire spreading outwardly, in went downward, causing me no harm. Thank you, God. When I was 4, I was hit by an ice cream truck. No harm. Nothing was broken. Once again at my aunts, I was hit by a car. Only my leg was broken. [My aunt was a horrible babysitter.] Thank you, God. At 6 years old, I was eating a hot dog and I began to choke. I was choking in such a way that I made no sound so my mother who was there washing dishes couldn't immediately. She just happened to turn around and began to beat the crap out of my back. Thank you, God.

It then gets WEIRD. My spiritual "connections" became more direct. At about 10 years old, I was in my room asleep and I felt han…

Get my Vagina Out of your Mouth!

I live in Indiana. The defunding of Planned Parenthood directly effects me and my community and yet, the people are silent and most importantly, women are silent.  Stop just "liking" statuses or retweeting a 140 character protest rant.  Get involved to save your communities.  We need to be rallying around Planned Parenthood and other women serving orgs who allow women to make healthy decisions about their reproductive health.

Indiana isn't the only state seeking to defund Planned Parenthood.  Its coming to a state near you.  Its men making decisions about the health and well-being of women and our right to choose and I'm not talking about abortion but where we want to receive our healthcare services.  Many women see their primary care physicians at a Planned Parenthood clinic.  The law signed by Mitch Daniels is illegal.  We, the people, need to make our voices heard.  Women, fight for your rights.  This is about you.  Its not about abortion.  The majority of Planned …

Simply in Love [repost]

August 17, 2007 - Friday
Simply in love with the essence of you
I'm consumed with the possibilities of forever and the certainties of today
Heated passions, common ground are shared without strife, moving us into another level, another vibe, another thing
Nameless it remains as we find peace in this nameless connection
Simply in love with the way it is, the way its done and the way .....the way....the way
Touches unlock hidden secrets, confessions are made about pasts loves and hurts and leading us to lay down, lay down those things that hinder us from feeling this
Simply in love a with friendship that defies reason, space and time
just simply in love and its ok.....
simply in love with you

a tweet...on Mother's Day

"Bitches hella bitter they got those abortions today because, all the other hoes bitches gettin' mothers day attention..." 





 I read this today on twitter. It really bothered me.  It bothered me because it was tweeted and then retweeted.  When questioned about the RT, the person said, "Ive seen this with my own eyes".

My reply...so what?  When do we take responsibility for what we co-sign for.  We now think our "truth" out weighs decency and respect.  I don't care about how Hip Hop uses the terms bitch and hoe. We need to stop with the accuses for our bullshit.

 Not only is the woman who had the abortion  a bitch and a hoe but the woman who is being honored.  We all are just Bitches and Hoes and this is truth. I guess....

Happy Mother's Day! 



Power of Transparency

I've always been very transparent with where I am in life whether it be good or bad. At times, this transparency brings about comments that have some level of pity or some who what to save me from me. I'm free. This blog is freedom.  I share to connect with others going through similar feelings and who are too afraid to open up.   There's freedom behind every word even if my words scream of despair, fear, or confusion. I'm able to speak those fears openly because I'm seeking truth for myself.  I'm seeking the answer.  I'm seeking healing. I know those things won't ever come with silence.  My 20lbs blog wasn't about sadness but reflection of a moment and a how I need to address me and my NOW.  Clevawords....is my truth, my honesty, my freedom.

the journey continues.....

20lbs plus

At the beginning of fall, I was pumped and ready to take control, fully, of my body. For many years, I've battled having a eating disorder that had me so in its control that sometimes even looking in the mirror was a horrific experience.  I still have a phobia of having my picture taking. [may the truth set me free...].  During the summer, I had started a routine of working out that had me prepped for P90x.  My mind was ready.  I started my routine and went 13 days and BAM.....repeated sicknesses, mainly respiratory issues.  I couldn't breathe well from my right lung, I felt tired and worn out.


Sick.
Why was my immune system so compromised?  STRESS.  I was allowing LIFE to take over me, to control me.  I behaved as if I had to just obey whatever situation that popped up, I had to obey whatever work that was thrown my way.  I was killing myself. So, I was sick off and on for 3 months.  During these months, I gained 20lbs.  I was on my way to losing 30lbs extra prior to being si…

Do as I say, not as I do...

In the past few months, I've had some really weird online tension with someone who I actually admire very much but we don't see to click online. I've had many online discussions, arguments even and never have I had someone misread what I've said and my intentions to this degree.  I don't want to diagnose the issue because I don't really understand it.  I think from the outside it would look very childish and as if two head strong fools are trying to out "brain" each other.  We've played all of the childhood games - unfollow, block, delete, blah, blah, blah....yeah, I've participated but I was pissed and this person made me mad....and....and (pouts).  Ok. I know....childish but still (giggles).


This past week I returned to working with the girls I had been doing a group with for the past year. I now have assistance so I can do another things.  My first day back, there was tension in the room.  Two of the girls were beefing.  We really couldn'…

Take our lives back: National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

In 1995, it was the first time I volunteered at an AIDS service organization (ASO) and in 2011, I'm still working at an ASO.  Most of those years, I was directing my efforts towards working with women to reduce OUR risk of HIV.  I love working with women but the health disparities facing black women made the work even harder.  Our attitudes towards our bodies, our lives was and is our barrier to living healthy.

We have to first agree to take responsibility for our choices. Forget the so called down low brother. Forget blaming others for our own actions.  I've come across many women who stayed in relationships when they knew their partner was cheating. I've come across many women who don't talk about condom use with their partner. I've come across many women who won't get tested for HIV and other STIs.  At some point, we have to look into the mirror and agree that our bodies, our lives are valuable and we need to take care of ourselves.

It should be said that ge…

God knows best

Have you ever examined why a situation doesn't occur the way you've planned or even prayed for it to happen?   Your friends and family will quote every scripture or religious text they know.  You believe it. God will give me the desires of my heart.  Stand on that Word....screams .....Hallelujah!

God?  What do you think?

crickets

I remember praying hard for someone who desired something with all of his heart.  I believed that it would happen but it didn't.   I felt for him but turned to God to show me why didn't it happen.

A few months later, a situation occurred where I experienced some behavior that made me realize why God said "No!" to this person.  I'm like.....oh THAT's why you didn't get that blessing.  Good move O.G.  

In my Christian yet very metaphysical mind, I do believe that we can create our existence through our actions.  Faith without works is dead.  We must move towards the blessing but we also need to understand that we must not o…

That box doesn't fit me

The most frustrating time you will have with a person is trying to make the peg fit into the circle instead of getting out of self and enjoying the peg and forget about any circle. When we're seeking something, when we're in need of some sort of assurance, we don't allow people to be themselves but who we want them to be for our benefit. That causes nothing but frustration.

You miss out. You lose.





one time.

there are moments when my mind loses its way. there are moments when a slow hand, warm heart, and divine love are the rhythm of my soul. there are moments when your lips become salvation. I say amen. I say ashe.

What is your Revolution?

WHAT IS YOUR REVOLUTION?
What is your plan to make your family, community, nation, and world a better place?  No more couch revolutionaries needed. No more talk. Its time to reclaim our place and our future. 
WHAT IS YOUR REVOLUTION? No need to join any organization. Start with yourself.
Start with being HEALTHY.
Start with your family. Start by understanding YOUR purpose.  Let the REVOLUTION begin in YOU.

We need a new breed...Leaders, Stand Up, Organize

Stand up everybody, this is your life
Let me take u to another world, let me take u tonight
U don't need no money, u don't need no clothes
The Second Coming, anything goes
Sexuality is all u'll ever need
Sexuality -- let your body be free

C'mon everybody, yeah, this is your life
I'm talking about a revolution we gotta organize
We don't need no segregation, we don't need no race
New age revelation, I think we got a case

I'm OK as long as u are here with me
Sexuality is all we ever need

Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize
Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize
Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize
Everybody...
Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize
One time say...
Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize
Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize

We live in a world overrun by tourists
Tourists -- 89 flowers on their back...inventors of the…

Don't look any further: Leadership

So what is the issue with new leadership? Why do we continue to complain about leadership so much?

We're looking for an old school way of community leadership to emerge. We're looking for Malcolm and Martin when we should be looking at everyday women and men who are working hard in our communities daily. I'm trying, myself, to determine what my place is in new leadership and how I can further process the issues that concern me. Leadership is needed all around me. I do wonder if I should fill the gap. 

At the same time, I see the potential of so many who could be great leaders and who want to serve but somehow we've lost basic advocacy skills in our communities.  We are fearful of making assertive movements towards change mainly because of push back and negativity.  We must become fearless. We must be more concerned with improving the lives of present and future generations than being talked about. Leaders aren't perfect and will never be. I will always be flawed an…

The Day She Died

February 19, 2011 will be the anniversary of the death of my mother. I find myself always needing to revisit that long night and early morning right before she transcended.  Its the last moment when I touch her. 7 years have drifted past and yet time hasn't moved. I can cry as if the moment is being relived right in front of me. She left.  She moved on.  She knew we would be fine. She knew in her death I'd gain strength.  She knew I'd never fear anything again.  My mother died. I was there when the last breath came and went.


I am motherless.  Spiritually, I know my mother is ever present.  She responds to my call as all the ancestors do but her laughter was healing and is missed. She was loud.  She was passionate.  She was a giving soul and loved until it hurt. She was magic. I miss it all.  I miss her getting on my nerves with corny jokes. I miss her being mad at me because I didn't call her. I miss her loving me through all of my flaws and failures.  She made me beli…

dream a dream

Dream.

a text message from someone stating - "I love you." This someone is distant physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Dream.

a little boy sitting on a bench, legs swinging, looking at me, smiling.....he knows me and I know him. Its love.

Dream.

What do you do with dreams that make no sense? Do you analyze or figure the dinner has manifest itself into people, places and things?  These two dreams were quick but I woke up immediately because they were very confusing.

They will manifest, come alive, in some way or I need to watch what I eat for dinner.

Be Love...at all times

Its so very hard to stay positive with negativity flowing like Willy Wonka's chocolate river. Let's try.  Let's try to push past negative words, negative treatment, and negative attitudes by seeking positive solutions.  Hurt feelings can creep up.  For me recently, my feelings were hurt and I became confused by the dismissive treatment I've received by someone I really admired. I responded in a passive aggressive manner but quickly realized....this person's treatment of me says nothing about who I am.  I had to change my disposition and move forward and even more so continue to...love. 

I'm not speaking of romantic love but a pure, heart felt love for the human condition.

Life will always show up. People will always reveal their TRUTH in action. So Love.  Continue to aspire for greatest. Continue to be compassionate.  Continue to allow the power of the Holy Spirit flow through you and guide you to the next levels of greatest to honor the Creator.  In all thin…

idol

Admiration poured from my soul connecting to thought and puprose and driven by love of humanity
Agape.
my desire was not one to seduce. My wiles were contained in a jar for another time, another soul. 
words never met words with truth, never provided space for mutual regard
Anger.

why am I angered? Left feeling debased. why? did you think my wiles, my admiration should bow down? Power play. tug.


rejection.

death by ego.


ReThinking Oprah Magazine

I've passed Oprah's magazine many times on the newsstand. I've admired how sometimes O looks like my mom but then I quickly turn to Jet, Ebony, Village Voice and other mags that still grace us with their celebrity news, world events, and UFO reports.  I was at the airport looking for a couple of magazines to read on the plane and I decided to take a chance on Oprah.

I bought the mag plus Essence.  I thumbed through Essence first.  Essence is Essence. [shrug] I move to Oprah's mag with hopes that it wouldn't be filled with ads of blond white women, articles about Martha's Vineyard and more of Oprah's favorite things.  The first ad I see - Blond White Woman.  [deep sigh]  I didn't give up.  I flipped and flipped the pages before reading anything.  I wanted to see what O had to offer a 43 year old Black, single mother, living in the Midwest.

Give me something O.

I continue to flip and I see an article about the founders of the Rebecca Project, two awesome …

Don't Believe the Hype

We are gifted.  We aretalented. We are fabulous.

Confidence is what drives us to fulfill our dreams and fly beyond expectations.

In all of our successes, we can not get caught up in celebrity, in our own hype.

Don't believe the hype because it will come to fail you at some point. Believe that you are empowered to live a purposed driven existence.  Believe that you are a powerful child of God who is loved. And believe, we all are.  We are unique and yet we are not unique.

Arrogance and Ego are the culprits. They will trip you.  You shall fall, hard.  Allow the mirror to be as honest as it can be.  Check ya self.  Check your posture.  Check your attitude.  Check the way you treat others.

We are living in a time when celebrity is more important than honesty.  We are living in a time when reality is scripted and consumed as entertainment.

Examine hype when it comes.  Praise has its place.  It should be given only when deserved and should be rarely expected.

God will give you ho…