My road with the Spiritual has been very interesting. I believe wholeheartedly when I was little that negativity, evil, the demonic, or whatever you want or need to call it, what's too pleased about my existence. At 6 weeks old, my other woke smoldering smoke and a hole by my head. Instead of the fire spreading outwardly, in went downward, causing me no harm. Thank you, God. When I was 4, I was hit by an ice cream truck. No harm. Nothing was broken. Once again at my aunts, I was hit by a car. Only my leg was broken. [My aunt was a horrible babysitter.] Thank you, God. At 6 years old, I was eating a hot dog and I began to choke. I was choking in such a way that I made no sound so my mother who was there washing dishes couldn't immediately. She just happened to turn around and began to beat the crap out of my back. Thank you, God.
It then gets WEIRD. My spiritual "connections" became more direct. At about 10 years old, I was in my room asleep and I felt hands on my legs, on my stomach, and across my chest all in an attempt to hold me down. Now, I know what you're thinking. A 10 year olds imagination is pretty dramatic but I'll I can tell you, it was real. Of course, I immediately tried to scream but I had NO control of my mouth. It began to move uncontrollably. All I could feel was evil was there and it wanted to harm me. I was TERRFIFIED. In my spirit, I kept saying, "Help me Jesus!! Help me Jesus!!" ……and it stopped. I ran to my parent's room and asked my mom to sleep in my room with me. After that, I always slept with a bible opened next to my bed with a rosary. [we were very catholic]
[I'm not crazy]
My connection with God was truly established because I knew there was a Spiritual world. I knew there were things unseen good and evil. This is what I know. I realized that I had very strong spiritual discernment. I could feel and sometimes see things in people that I knew others couldn't see. In meetings, there would be people that I wouldn't sit next to or shake their hands. I still don't allow people into my home. I feel people leave a part of them with where ever they go and I don't want lingering spirits in my home.
[I'm really not crazy]
So how does this all work with being raised a "Christian"? Well, it worked better when I was Catholic because at least Catholics talked about possession and exorcism. There was constant conversation about a real connection between this world and the spiritual one but when I became a protestant, spirituality took on a different face. It was mostly about "the devil made me do it" OR being filled with the Holy Spirit. Neither seemed really tangible to me. When I would look at people and understanding how I needed to talk with them or even if I should, it was about a "knowing". It's hard to join together my experience with the Spiritual and the so-called traditional Christian church.
My connection is beyond the very surface religion that I see pushed. God is bigger than religion and we've been taught so differently. We have God in a box. He can only do things if we do things. God can do anything for us that is needed, when its needed. Prayer is important as well as meditation. Fasting and Giving are also basic things ways of connecting with the Spirit of God. It just opens us up spiritually. So where am I today? I've been distant. I've allowed the world to keep me in a tail spin and I've only spoken with God as needed [according to me] but God misses me and I miss having that very close spiritual connection when I know I was one with the universe for the good or bad. I miss "the knowing". I miss seeing God in the wag of a dog's tail or the sounds of the birds on my window sill. I miss it all.
So I journey back to being weirdly spiritual by talking with the unseen but feeling every moment. I take in the Power of God and the Wisdom of the Spirit. If this is the "Year of Me" then it also has to be the "Year of Me and God".
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