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Showing posts from May, 2010

Revisit the Ten Point Program - The Plan

The Ten-Point Program
We Want Freedom. We Want Power To Determine
The Destiny Of Our Black Community.



We believe that Black people will not be free until we are able to determine our destiny. We Want Full Employment For Our People.


We believe that the federal government is responsible and obligated to give every man employment or a guaranteed income. We believe that if the White American businessmen will not give full employment, then the means of production should be taken from the businessmen and placed in the community so that the people of the community can organize and employ all of its people and give a high standard of living. We Want An End To The Robbery
By The Capitalists Of Our Black Community.



We believe that this racist government has robbed us, and now we are demanding the overdue debt of forty acres and two mules. Forty acres and two mules were promised 100 years ago as restitution for slave labor and mass murder of Black people. We will acce…

Sisterfriends....Superfriends.....Superheroes

It always hurts my heart to hear women say they don't have strong female friendships. I don't know what I'd do without mine.  They love me and my quirky, moody ways.  They listen and support every whim and dream.  They share a history with me.  I love them.  Ups and downs, ins and outs, they are my sisters. 

It could be I watched the Owens women and found an understanding of sisterly love.  My 7 Dimensions of Wellness, as I call them, loved each other, fought with each other, and supported each other.  I love my friends.  

Its encouraging and comforting to know that I have a base of love out there.  I gain so much from them.  There's no jealousy.  Just acceptance.  I love it. 
Thanks to my A-team for allowing me to be free, to be me, to make mistakes, and to fly high.

Dimes, Nickels, and Quarters

Watched a clip today of man criticizing Chilli from TLC and her reality show. Admittedly, I've never watched the show. We are cable-less and will remain that way but I'm familiar with the concept. She's looking for a man.  In the clip, the commentary first criticized Chilli's check list, the list of things she's needing and wanting in a man.  "Handsome, rich, and big........"  I'd agree with the clip, this is a little immature from a 39 year old woman but its a reality show. Why expect more......

The clip continues with the man telling his viewers that women need to know if they are hot or not.  We need to know and stay at our station. He let us know that men will down grade for sex so we shouldn't feel too good about ourselves (those who are not Dimes) because, as he mentioned in the clip, "look at Flava Flavs mother, someone had to get with that to get Flav".  Completely disrespectful.  But once again, we are to reminded: Not all of us…

conversations.....

Gay rappers

Student Athlete Compensation

BP Oil Spill

Dildos and Lube

Volunteers

Love and Relationships

Workplace culture

Bulimia

Safer Sex Kits

Hepatitis C

Urban gardening

Dating and the lack thereof

Sexiness

Family

Funding
Conversations throughout the day........
Dippin' into your fantasy
nasty as I wanna be
lick you there kiss you here
pull me close, pull me near
close your eyes
and you will see
the other side, naughty me
Pretend as you will
late at night
I'm your thrill
Cleverly I am to thee
your chocolate
sexy fantasy

(repost)

"relate to you that no longer exists..."

"Often people put you in a box, relate to a you that no longer exists, a you they may have met, seen, or heard about, rightly or wrongly, years back, a you that was trying to figure out who you are. But if those kinds of people insist on not seeing you now, smile, be polite, and keep it moving as far from them as you c...an. They are imprisoned by their own minds. Do not become an inmate in their prison."—KEVIN POWELL
I could easily attach this to the blog I wrote days ago.  Its as if Kevin was reading the blog or had a similar experience; nonetheless, these confirming words speak truth.  Its very important that we determine who we are, who we want to be. Others imposing their views on who I am is as a slow death for me.  I suffer.  I still have to learn how to eloquently move away without fuss or compliant and this is ok because I accept the me to be, the me in development, the me to come.  I also wonder if doing community work helps to build patience and understanding…

Expectations and Disappointments - the seed of insecurity

My mirror is clear...buffed and shined
I see me
creating a situation with the seed of insecurity
watering it
drawing to me anything that will cultivate
that piece of me that desires
love

human touch

planting nothing more than strife and heartache

weeding

weeds

giving time and attention to nothingness
but I'm still a Goddess

able to turn around and manifest Power
removing the weeds that do nothing
but choke
and take

giving nothing to my life because its incapable of adding anything
to your own

I've expected too much
I've received nothing
but disappointments which opened a wound
that was already cut and scarred

Peace...
QUEEN
Goddess
Black Woman

blah blah blah

Seeds of Insecurity pushing through the soiled soul
harvesting heartbreak

EYES wide Open
I'll return to the Earth
pull this weed

that weed

this weed

that weed

until I plant the seed of beauty in my soul

and Harvest

LOVE.....
(repost)

Community

I was at a meeting at the Indianapolis Urban League to discuss a community project focusing on girls and young women and HIV/AIDS. 

I find it refreshing to sit amongst ANYONE with ideas on how to make the world better.  Some at the table are more event driven, I tend to be more intervention focused.  It comes together.

I see people understanding the importance of community involvement again from neighborhood clean up activities, to health fairs, to mentoring being held here and there.  These things aren't being advertised.  Sometimes they are just a facebook event being sent out to anyone who will come to join the cause.

Involvement is so simple. Volunteer.  Find a cause that you care about and volunteer.  Help your neighbors.  Babysit. Cut grass. Sweep.  The simplest things are very important.

I love the community. I love people. Service is very important to me and its my purpose. I can't do anything but this.

One deed can lead to a multitude of change.  Just one.

Life changers

Charlotte- love, community, family, and love

Audre Lorde - endurance





Yolanda Askew - sisterhood and Godliness Rashida Walker - sisterhood

Anna Wintour - decisiveness





Angela Davis - power
Prince - independence


Karen Simms - community Professor Sally Hanley - insight


Kevin Powell -community and evolution

Sydney Bayless - love and honesty Mark Owens - endurance 

Bell Hooks - feminism






Erykah Badu - honesty

Marguerite Owens - family



Life Changers.....people I've never met, close friends, and family who have changed my life on some level. Some will never know, some won't understand why they are there but they've had some effect on my life, how I think, and how I live.

Defining myself for myself......

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would
be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."
- Audre Lorde... 


Thank you Ms. Lorde. I love this quote but it is easier said than done. It is difficult for people when you reject their interpretation of who you are and your intentions for the world.  I'm finding this more and more that perceptions of who I am, how I SHOULD be, and how I should function have been developed and decided without my input.  It probably happens to many people at different times of their lives.  

This is my time. 


Friends. 

I can say, the friendships I've had for more than 20 years, are solid and loving. They understand me, even the things that have changed about me, they understand why those changes have occurred. I am loved by them and I appreciate them for it. 


Newer acquaintances or distant family, different story.  I'm called an community activist. I'm called a community organizer.  I'm called focused…
because she didn't know any better
she stayed alive
among the tired and lonely
not waiting always wanting
needing a good night's rest

-- Nikki Giovanni, "Introspection"

Finding Lucidity

In the past few weeks, I've been under tremendous stress, some self imposed and some, well, God has a plan.   I tend to be the type who likes to get the solution and move past the problem very quickly. "Get to the solution!", I just reminded my daughter not but 20 minutes prior from me writing this.  This is where me and the Kid are different.  She will just be pissed off for a minute and get into her feelings and I try to move past the emotion and want to fix it.  I can't say that both are healthy but its just how we be.

use to smile.....
I don't mind writing and sharing that I'm going through a storm. Right now, life is kicking my ass.  I'm seeking solace in work which is clearly the wrong answer and I know this.  I teach others to learn to find balance and yet, I'm unable to use the same tools and resources.  Go Figure.  This is my wake up call (again).  I'm going to treat me better.  I'm sure I've blogged about this before and yes, I…
"Man In The Mirror"


I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Ho…

Understanding Michael Jackson

Doesn't mean I've learned how to moonwalk or that I can now sing but I'm learning the insanity of insomnia, something said to have led to MJ using various medications.

Sleep for me is a battle. Rest is a like a war.  I'm normally on the losing end of both. The lack of true rest is so unhealthy and I know this.  I've added this to the long list of "Rhonda get yo stuff right".


I can safely say that I won't be taking meds.  I'm not hallucinating.

 but

I am grumpy.  I am snappy. I look tired.  I am tired.


So, I do understand MJs struggle for rest. I'd rather moonwalk.

Trust you, Trust me.

There are no coincidences.

I don't believe in them. If something occurs, its for my enrichment, for my edification, or for my growth.  I will admit that its very hard to feel that way, consistently.  I strife to always see some negative situations as beneficial to my growth.

One thing, I can't move past is when I lose trust and we I question intent and motives. A major flaw that I admit wholeheartedly. I give until I bleed.  I'll give and give until I can't anymore. Maybe a flaw but well, I get it from my momma.


Nonetheless, in an exchange, there is trust. Trust is golden and precious.

Lose it with me.  I'm sincerely done.

I'm fine with admitting this. I'm fine with being flawed.  Its more important to come to the revelation of who I am and this is me.

Trust. I value it. I need it like a drug.  Once its gone, my withdrawal process is not a pretty sight.

Awake.

Dream.

I walk into my old bedroom in my mother's house. I'm walking in to wake ME up. I shake me saying LOUDLY, "Rhonda, wake up! Rhonda, its time to get up!"


I pull the blankets back, and its me......another form, another version of me. Evil me. Demonic me.

This version of me, Screams at me saying, "NO!!!".  I back up and immediately say, "God, take this way now!!"  More interesting.....I run to my mother's room seeking her comfort. She's not there.


I WAKE UP at 2am.....with a sigh


but now I wonder have I awaken.

Hard Candy

Something like a Fruit Sour Candy Ball.....
Takes a minute

but if you are skilled enough

you will reach the soft center
my soft center
me

Hope....what it is

Seeing your life as a spiritual journey with every meeting, every moment, every, memory as a part of God's plan to grow your character can be refreshing.  It can keep you in balance and I try to do this.


Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I lived by this scripture after mom died and during my two years of unemployment. Its saved me from clinical depression.  It saved me from thinking I was being punished and it provided some hope when I couldn't hope.

I'm there again, back struggling with the concept of HOPE.


Its a spiritual battle. Its a battle of the mind. My control issues, through my OCD, its trying to find a place to rest its head but I'm trying to keep it at bay.  I'm trying not to allow my old way of coping creep back in and tell me that its ridiculous to HOPE. I'm just trying to manage what is front of me. 

Its Mental Health Awareness month and I'm a…
Principles of Spiritual Activism  http://www.satyana.org/principles.html The following principles emerged from several years' work with social change leaders in Satyana's Leading with Spirit program. We offer these not as definitive truths, but rather as key learnings and guidelines that, taken together, comprise a useful framework for "spiritual activism."
1. Transformation of motivation from anger/fear/despair to compassion/love/purpose. This is a vital challenge for today's social change movement. This is not to deny the noble emotion of appropriate anger or outrage in the face of social injustice. Rather, this entails a crucial shift from fighting against evil to working for love, and the long-term results are very different, even if the outer activities appear virtually identical. Action follows Being, as the Sufi saying goes. Thus "a positive future cannot emerge from the mind of anger and despair" (Dalai Lama).
2. Non-attachment to outc…

Agree

After my last few posts.....The Four Agreements came to mind















   I think I'll work on "Don't take anything personally". 


Very hard to do but I understand this agreement fully.

Figure out Rhonda

girlfriend said to me after a conversation with me about trying to figure out everything around me, motherhood, leadership, job, dog.......




She said....."Figure out Rhonda..."

Sometimes the most simplest words mean so much.....

"Chieftess strong bitch shit"

 Is this a Chieftess Strong Bitch?

Mother's day week. I've seen my daughter go through the toughest situation she will ever have to go through, and I'm there.  I've had to help a young black woman and her family deal with her HIV positive result.  I've managed a problem child nonprofit called CWUW and got my footing  solidly back in the HIV/AIDS community after being away for 7 years.  This was my week.


I'm strong. I'm capable. I do.  Its just me. Its not a mantra that I carry around. Its how I was raised. Being a strong person is difficult and more difficult as a woman at times, when you are trying to have a voice.  




"Chieftess strong bitch shit" is what my opinion was called this week when someone made a statement that wasn't gender specific and I pointed it out.  There are times when we simply behave as humans with personal journeys and individual responses. My take was that the female in question was responding as a human, not as a woman, es…
I don't mind a love that's like a bad romantic comedy
developing storylines
saying no then yes to love

I don't mind a love that's like a hot summer day
sweat on your brow
the beauty of the sun overwhelms

I don't mind a love that's like a porn from 1982
with bad music
sexual tension, lust, and desire is all that matters

I don't mind a love that loves God more than me
praying morning, noon, and night
for direction, wisdom, and continue humility


I don't mind a love.....

Whatta Day, Whatta Day...

I truly can't complain about my work ethic. I work hard.  I give a lot to what I do. My return to the Damien Center has taken its toll on my a little bit. I'm rebuilding a prevention department with a current staff of five plus two at other locations. We have a major federal grant to manage and I'm looking to find more federal funding for additional programs.

I'm a little tired.  I've already blogged about CWUW and the work it takes for me to do that as well.

I can admit that somethings are slipping through the cracks, mostly with CWUW. I'm only human. With me giving my all to these two agencies, I'm still finding myself neglecting Rhonda. I sleep but don't rest. I'm always in problem solving mode even with there's no problem to solve.  I'm becoming more and more aware of ways and I need to stop it [slaps my own hand] because I know better.

Today wasn't hard but I did wake up thinking I needed to take something off my plate. I thought a…

Passion Fruit

Everyday, I take a sensuous bite into the fruit of my heart, CWUW.  Its my dream and my love. It drives me daily because I really want to provide an organization for women to learn, grow, and find the support they need to be healthy.  It is here. I work daily. I pray daily. I live daily for CWUW. 


But CWUW is like a troubled child....needing an extra hug but sometimes punishment. It is the hardest thing I've every done. It rides my emotions making me question my ability to do something like this but it is my passion and my love. I won't adandon CWUW.  I will go through the terrible 2's with my baby.

I'm thankful for friends to continue to push me and support me in this dream by offering information and advice.  I'm always looking for professional mentorship but its hard to find. Because I'm so focused and always working, people think that I have it all figured out but I don't.  I'm still learning and growing myself. I need direction at times to keep …

Tip Toe through the Tulips

Mnaging sanity. 
I find myself managing sanity, faith, and emotion as if I'm a beautiful adorned clown in the world wide circus of life, bring joy, accepting some tears, and being a part of the show.  I would guess that I'm able and capable to take on the changes, sweeping changes that seem to happen around me and to me since I've entered adulthood.

Still standing. 

I'm not feeling the need to provide any insight but to just reflect. I need to look back upon my existence and know my latter is greater than my former. Patience needs to find its way into my arsenal of tools to move forward, to just be.  Sometimes its not about being deep but living with what is.  No deeper meaning exists.


I'm here.

I love my life. I recall in the movie "Parenthood", the grandmother speaking of life being like a roller coaster. I am the Beast whipping and riding through this journey taking it all in and actively participating at every turn. When I stop, I'm confused and be…