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"Chieftess strong bitch shit"

 Is this a Chieftess Strong Bitch?


Mother's day week. I've seen my daughter go through the toughest situation she will ever have to go through, and I'm there.  I've had to help a young black woman and her family deal with her HIV positive result.  I've managed a problem child nonprofit called CWUW and got my footing  solidly back in the HIV/AIDS community after being away for 7 years.  This was my week.


I'm strong. I'm capable. I do.  Its just me. Its not a mantra that I carry around. Its how I was raised. Being a strong person is difficult and more difficult as a woman at times, when you are trying to have a voice.  




"Chieftess strong bitch shit" is what my opinion was called this week when someone made a statement that wasn't gender specific and I pointed it out.  There are times when we simply behave as humans with personal journeys and individual responses. My take was that the female in question was responding as a human, not as a woman, especially in the context of the thread. 

Without apology, I was told my "chieftess strong bitch shit"  was not needed.  I'm thinking...hmmm...and he wonders why this person responded to him in the manner she did?  



Understand, I wasn't on some female empowerment rant but the reaction to a female simply saying that defending ourselves from what we may see is a verbal attack is human, and not just an overly emotional response from a woman.



The thread grew silent after the statement was made. A series of text messages followed explaining how he felt no apology was needed.  I sat amazed, amazed that this person couldn't see the sexist, hurtful words he spewed and yet the irony is that this was the very thing he was complaining about. 


I recall saying something to someone on Twitter for being passive aggressive in their attacks on others including me.  And the wonderfully common and expected responses came, "You're too sensitive" and "this is the internet".  This person has had others, men and women,  state they are uncomfortable with his negativity but it seems I was one of the few to defend myself against his passive aggressive attacks. 


Are we being conditioned that verbal abusive language is to be tolerated at all cost? That the one spewing the language has every right to cause harm with his/her words? Are black women being shunned from identifying sexism and being vocal when we are the victims of it?


Shake the haters off...yeah yeah.


Of course, we should find ways to "shake the haters" but how about we not be haters?  How about going back to choosing our words wisely?  We should be able to have tough conversations with others without insulting which is lazy, cowardly, and weak. Words do hurt and can do serious damage to someone even if those words are spoken, once. 






In trying to make lemonade out of the lemons my "friend" decided to spew (I'm liking the word spew), I'm trying to look at his comment and try to see something positive.


There's nothing in the pattern of those words that can be deemed positive.


Strong, chieftess bitch shit?


Bitch shit strong chieftess?


Shit strong chieftess bitch?




hmmmm....i'm not feeling empowered.




I understand that we have a long road in the Black community in understanding how sexism works in our lives.  We see feminism or women's empowerment messages as negative forces that have destroyed our families and relationships.   


I'm asking for us to see sexism in our insults and assumptions.  I asking for us to see that sometimes, yes, there are female characteristics that maybe on display and so what?  There are other shared attributes between men and women and there is no need to make light of how a female responds to a situation when its about the human condition.  I'm asking for us to be kind and loving.










Rhonda is strong. I'm assertive with my words and opinions but I'm very human. My strength isn't entangled in the chaos of "strong, black woman" philosophy but from me having a life story where I've had to make decisions, struggle through situations, and to take on challenges that some may not be able to handle.  To find a man who understands and supports feminist thought, will be a blessing from the Lord above.


So my voice can't be silenced but I was stopped in my tracks by this. 


I have to admit it.

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.