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Showing posts from June, 2013

I Cried.

Today, I went to the doctor's office and patiently waiting for him to come in with my results.  Testing for this mysterious illness began last year with getting my gall bladder tested.  I actually prayed for a result, an outcome, a diagnosis.  Who does that? Who prays for a diagnosis?

Rhonda does.  I'm tired of feeling poorly.  I'm ready for healing.

Doctor walks in and says - "We found nothing!"   I believe he thought I would say YAY!!  Instead, I cried.  My doctor is one of those to the point types.  He didn't get emotional with me which was for the best.  He said, "We'll figure this out."   I made him read everything.  Gluclose. Thyroid, and all the other tests - all normal, all GREAT, actually.  I'm really healthy. 

So what is wrong with me?  I asked him about stress.  I asked him to repeat what gastritis really means.  The doc reminded me that chronic stress can reap havoc on your body. But he was determined to get a diagnosis other t…

Lost my way.

Its been so long since I've blogged on this site. Once again, I've taken a break from my public blogging in exchange for my private journal.  The past two years have challenged me. My inner strength feels weaken.  I actually don't feel like myself but in truth, I haven't felt like myself in a long time. 

I won't say much about specific experiences during this past couple of years but let's just say I've never been so faced or challenged to address my own mental health.  I've always been keenly aware of my emotions due to my bulimia.  I thought I was operating in a balanced existence.  I thought I was honestly facing the internal battles that plagued my soul.  I wasn't.  My spirit has labored.  My mind drained.  My body damaged.  I was doing the opposite.  I've used my work as an escape for my sadness.  I didn't allow myself to FEEL during these past couple of years. I wanted to get to the solutions and move forward.  I wanted to move in dar…