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Showing posts from December, 2008

Integrity

in⋅teg⋅ri⋅ty
–noun 1.adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.2.the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire. 3.a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.



This is something I'll never comprise again.NEVER.

Flashback....2008

This has been an interesting year.

The beginning of 2008 was all about the "Next Phase". I turned 40 and I'm emotionally sound and I've never been better in terms of my faith. So what did the Next Phase bring?

CWUW blossoming. In 2008, busted my ass to get the organizational structure of CWUW sound. I'm still not where I want to be but we are good. I've been able to recruit some awesome women to be a part of the org. I think I'm most proud of me completely the 501c3 application. The application itself use to be more simple. They have changed ALOT. It made me think strategically about CWUW and our programs. That was hardwork. I thought about folks hiring attorneys to complete that app and paying hundreds of dollars. I did good!.

Of course Life Jam was a wonderful success for CWUW. It was a learning experience. I'm no concert promoter and I don't want to be BUT we were able to put together a show with a cool vibe and get the word out …

No more cake please....

One of the major things about being an adult is knowing when to say yes and no. We think because we're adults its suppose to be so very easy to just push things aside that we want. Its difficult. I'm pushing away from the table today. All my favs are there but I can't partake any longer. I love the desserts especially. I do have a sweet tooth but I've learned to say.....no more....but thanks.

Desire is a strong thing. I think it can lead to love, pleasure, joy, and happiness. It can also lead to pain if its misguided. A desire is a longing for, a wish, or even strong intention. Its a STRONG emotion. Why would anyone want to overcome this thing called "Desire"? I DON'T but as I stated before, sometimes it needs to be put on the back burner for more important things. That sucks, huh? Its real.

I really like any ice cream with toffee ESPECIALLY coffee. If I see some toffee ice cream, its very hard for me to walk pass but I've learned…

God....Again

What a week!

I complete the application for the org. I was feeling my oats (as my mom would say). I was smiling and crying and proud. Then its like the weirdest stuff started happening.

We had the darkness over us but not in a negative way...if that makes any sense. Me, Syd and some family members felt really heavy this season. It was hard. I was pissed that I couldn't just enjoy the season. We were all cryin' and stuff. I'm watching the Wiz and there goes Diana singing Home and there I go....CRYING. My car...you know the Caddy, was doing some funky stuff too. I'm like....Wha?

We get through the Christmas day and then the Kid had a horrible evening with someone stealing her purse. I wasn't shook but I was tired. It was all annoying. I'm like...ugh...but the day was filled with God speaking to me.

I received a long message from a woman on myspace who read my entire blog and was inspired. I was like...Whoa. It was a wonderful message and a blessing.…

Spiritual Encounters

I believe God is closer than we make him. So many think he's in another place or only peeks in at various times. He is ever present. He knows and sees everything we do. He knows our motives. He knows our hearts.

That's a little spooky, huh? We think we are just here and we will deal with God and his judgment later but have every expectation that his love is in the NOW. Now God's damnation is later. As we live, we have the opportunity to grow and learn and ask for forgiveness but we do reap what we sow. God's laws are universal and work all the time. Plant your seeds wisely. Your deeds are your seeds.

But what is so wonderful about God is his mercy for us. His measure of mercy does vary from person to person because our journeys are different. This does cause some folks strife. They want to know why one person can get off for murder and someone else gets life. God finds a way for us to still fulfill his plan even when we mess up. We're also given a m…

Merry Christmas

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

This holiday is still a struggle but we are making the best.


I truly hope we remember that this maybe a rough Christmas for so many families out of work during this season. Pray for them and remember them on this day.

Peace and Love!

Mind Me

You notice me and don't look my way.
You play coy
You play games
I walk pass
moving the pawn
as I continue the round about
stirring you
moving you
quietly
never need to say
another word

I'm still in.


(this is sorta weak...I'll fix it)

Following Clevawords

This blog is a way of expressing my inner workings. I've blogged for about 3-4 years now. I've been blessed for the notes and messages I've received that my journey has helped others deal. If you're reading my blog to be nosy, you're in the wrong spirit.

I'm not going to make any revelations about anyone specific EVER that would cause harm! I do love the guessing. :/

As life changes so drastically next year, I'm sure my blogs both here and on myspace will reflect this journey.

I'm glad God has helped me to understand the importance of being transparent without being inappropriate.

bloggin' bloggin' bloggin'

Acomplishment

For the past 6 months, I put off writing the application for CWUWs 501c3. I tried to hire someone and that always failed. I knew it was meant for me to write it.

Today, when I started writing the check, I actually started crying and my hands started shaking. I sat there and just said, "It is done." It's taken me literally 8 years just to get to this point. I've had to go through ALOT to get here. Believe me, there were many distractions but made it. I pushed through my own self doubt and just believed that this is about God and not me (as I've always believed).

It was a moment of knowing I've been wholeheartedly working on the journey and willing taking the hits. Unfortunately, I've had to learn this year that I have to guard my spirit. This aches me but I know what needs to be done. As CWUW grows, more vampires, parasites, manipulators, etc will be ready to pounce and destroy either me or CWUW. When my cousin told me that I wasn't healed from …

Daughter Daughter

the sweet smile
on your face
is like the dawn
the breath
and life of a new day
you are love
you are the wings of a eagle
you are the Heart of God
your eternal light is powerful
making any demon
flee his perch
you are my greatest creation
my finest work
I give you to the world
beautiful
whole
and loved
I now watch you move from
girl
to
Woman
and I know
you will be fine

The beat down

First let me say that I LOVE my cousin. She really is my sister. We have the same vibe and we are each others love as we move through life both being motherless children.

I've been able to really reconnect with her in the past few months. She's been living in NYC for 20 years and doesn't make it back home too often. She is my voice and my mirror. I can depend on her to say just want I NEED to hear with no fluff (cuz i hate that).

I got the beat down. This goes along with the Baby I'm a star blog. She keeps reminding me that I'm still healing from the crap of the past and stop thinking I'm so incredibly there just yet. I still have work to do and at the same time, letting me know that I'm FLY.

I say that all the time but like anyone....some days I don't feel it. The 20lbs weight this year is reeking havoc on my mental thing. HAVOC......and because of it, I've made some dumb decsions and I've allowed some to think they have some sorta control…

Headache

I woke up with a bad headache.

Didn't get much sleep.

Cell phone died. The insurance folks didn't have a comparable phone so I had to get a new one.

Bills, Bills, Bills....

I'm singing that tune a lot lately.

Taking time to manage the household, Syd and our future.

I woke up with a bad headache

My back is better. I've done the right things to heal myself

but I've gained 20lbs.

Need to adjust my thinking about it again.

Finding it very hard to take the positivity being given to me
this week.

Had a person tell me, "You're going to be so successful"

okayyyyy :/

I'll adjust.

I woke up with a bad headache.

Making some hard decisions and trusting God in the decision.

Foolishly I stayed too long. Foolishly I allowed but be made a fool of.....

Lesson learned.

Peace.

I woke up with a bad headache.

2009 is going to be challenging.

Day job

CWUW

College for the kid

I'm tired before the year has even begun

but I'm up of it all.

I know I can do it.


time for rest.

The Proverbial Open Door

Have you heard the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"?

Really?

Or do we hope that what happens?

What if the door has been opened and you've closed it yourself or you keep walking by it as if to say you don't need that door, so you'll take the next one.

Does another one really open?

I've said it myself and I 've used it to keep myself from thinking an opportunity has gotten away but I wonder if we need to learn a lesson, why would God open another door? hmmmm.....

God presents an opportunity....you look at it and ignore it OR you don't think you need it....or should respond to it.

You leave it alone.

God presents the same opportunity again......same thing....

at what point does God say...ok...door is closed?

Its like the guy drowning and God sends the plane, the boat, etc.

Does God keep sending the planes and boats?

Baby I'mma Star??

I think this is deja vu. I think I didn't a blog by the same title which only means I didn't mean it the first go around. Today, my cousin smacked me in the face. She basically let me have it but with love. I think it clicked when she called me a Star and not just any Star a BIG Star. I sorta laughed but I knew what she was saying. It wasn't just some sisterly hype but she was telling me that I need to think bigger. She was saying that I need to kill some of the humility and know that God has Big things for me. She was reminding that others can see it and want it and will suck me dry if I allowed them. (hmmmm...did a blog about vampires)

I guess I needed it. I guess I think of myself as regular ole Rhonda and I'm not that, I guess. I know a friend was telling about "the dude". I swear everyone on the planet feels I need to be with someone. (shrug) The friend had this very specific type of dude, confidient, driven, mover/shaker type. mmmm'ok.…

Blog.

I went back and I've read my blogs (here and on myspace) and what a journey. I'm still complaining about stuff. I'm still a little too judgmental about a few things but I can see my growth. I don't think through what I write, its all from the gut. Its all from the moment. I appreciate all the comments I do receive (mostly in private) and I make no apology for anything I've written. Its all about me. Its about my journey and where I am at the moment. I could be full of it. I could be on some bogus rhetoric. I could be hurt. I could be misguided. With all of that said, its all me and its all honest.

Its clear that I'm on some lunacy some days. I look back and laugh. I find it even more humorous that some still think certain blogs are about them. (Arrognance..ha). This has been a joyous adventure. I don't mind being transparent on certain topics. Its all good. This has been the best therapy and I'll continue forward.

__________________

I re…

Rhonda has some shit to say......ramble on!

I'm not going through and editing anything.....I'm writing tired and sleepy but its all from the heart. I'm going to let all the typos, misspellings, verb tense issues...let it all be. This the vibe. Deal.


I'm here thinking about me. I'm thinking about work, the day gig. I can see why I'm there as far as career and how it will help with CWUW. They are very technology based. They take advantage of all new uses for communicating with others across the country. They will help me to also step up my training game, making sure I'm thorough and effective. As much as I'm ready to quit any day gig, I know I need this gig.

But there are times of my "focus" keeps me isolated and makes me appear stand-offish. My day gig is secondary to CWUW. If I have stuff to do with CWUW, it gets done first without apology. Is that wrong? Probably. Its my attitude on the job. I'm nice to folks. I chat with folks but I'm also not bothered with stuff …

Faith

Faith and Obedience

Sometimes its not even Fear but YOU that hinders progression. God sits back and watches us get in the way of our own blessings all the time. We blame others, situations and we even blame Fear. All are great scapegoats. Its simple. Its us.

I know for me, the moment I stop listening to God, all hell breaks loose in my life. Sometimes God wants to guide me in the simplest tasks and I want to get in the way. "I got this God! Move!" God will say, ok, go for it. Failure comes quickly afterwards. I've delayed so many things in life from disobedience. I stayed in relationships and on jobs too long because I thought I knew better. I remember telling God how much I lovveeeedddeed my ex and God saying, "so". He kept saying, he's not the one even though he looked like it. God was simply whispering to me to move on because he had something bigger and better for me and my future. I paid dearly. I had to admit it was me. Humility will…

Ugh......networking

As I'm developing CWUW, I'm learning that its been mostly men that have been helpful in my journey. Most of the females who have helped were my friends. This is surprising and disappointing. I'm trying not to question the motivation of some of the men to help but its apparent.

Basically, I just want to do my thing, help others do their thing when I can and receive the appropriate help. This side bar thing is really nuts. As much as I hate networking, I understand it as a skill. Folks like to stay within their sphere of friends and call that 'networking'. I think you also have folks who don't take advantage of opportunities when presented but I'm sure complain that opportunities are limited. Now, I'm not perfect. Sometimes my introverted personality will have me stay home when I should go out and support others projects and network. All of that is very draining for me. Thanksgiving alone had me in the house for a day just to unplug. I ha…

God

My daily drive is to serve you
you are mighty
you are my first Love
Everyday I see your presence
and I long to see your Face,
to be touched by your hand and
to sing your praises

I'm sadden by those who are too
embarrassed admit you exist
They are missing a powerful
love no man or woman can provide
Your vision is my vision
Your plan is my plan
I'm here to love you
and to serve my brothers and sisters
with all of my might

There are days I may fail
There are days I retreat to my inner being
not wanting anyone to come in
and you comfort me
Thank you for choosing me

Gratitude

So I'm driving home and the roads were icy. I pass over the bridge heading not far from my home and my car begins to spin.

I'm thankful no cars were coming from the opposite direction. I gain control of the car and get back into the lane and BAM, I'm hit hard from behind.

I'm shook.

I get out and look at the car. Some paint off the bumper and no other visible damage. The other chick was fine as well.

Called the insurance company and took care of all of that but still had to wait 2 hours for the police. They were cool but a little irritated they were called because no one was hurt and there was no huge damage.

There was a moment of me not wanting to take care of this. I'm like....DAMN. I just didn't want to be an adult.

But this morning, I woke up still shaken a bit by this accident. I couldn't understand why but God does provide some revelation. Me and Syd still have this anxiety about something happening to the other. She just told me that she …