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Do as I say, not as I do...

In the past few months, I've had some really weird online tension with someone who I actually admire very much but we don't see to click online. I've had many online discussions, arguments even and never have I had someone misread what I've said and my intentions to this degree.  I don't want to diagnose the issue because I don't really understand it.  I think from the outside it would look very childish and as if two head strong fools are trying to out "brain" each other.  We've played all of the childhood games - unfollow, block, delete, blah, blah, blah....yeah, I've participated but I was pissed and this person made me mad....and....and (pouts).  Ok. I know....childish but still (giggles).


This past week I returned to working with the girls I had been doing a group with for the past year. I now have assistance so I can do another things.  My first day back, there was tension in the room.  Two of the girls were beefing.  We really couldn't get through the day because of the attitudes so I had to mention it.  I made them begin to talk about it.  They were not very pleased.  I guess this was the 5th attempt by some adult to squash this beef.   I knew these girls were friends and whatever was going on, should be over at this point.  So I played the role of all knowing adult forgetting I've thrown my FB and twitter tantrum with someone recently.  How soon we forget, right?  We got the girls to talking and at least expressing their feelings openly and honestly without the anger.  It was a good session of truth telling.   I can't say they will be friends but the fire has cooled down.

So what about me and this person.....should I extend the olive branch even though I'm clueless to why they got pissed off at me?  My pride says...whatever.  My pride says....they think they know it all anyway.  My PRIDE says....THEY are ego tripping.  [smh@me]  My pride talks too much.

I don't know if I'm going to follow my own lead.  I will give myself enough credit to admit that  can self check because I don't always do what I say.  I'm human.   I'll say a prayer for this friendship that could have been.  If it happens, then Hallelujah....if not....we will say...Hallelujah.  All is well. 


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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.