Skip to main content

20lbs plus

At the beginning of fall, I was pumped and ready to take control, fully, of my body. For many years, I've battled having a eating disorder that had me so in its control that sometimes even looking in the mirror was a horrific experience.  I still have a phobia of having my picture taking. [may the truth set me free...].  During the summer, I had started a routine of working out that had me prepped for P90x.  My mind was ready.  I started my routine and went 13 days and BAM.....repeated sicknesses, mainly respiratory issues.  I couldn't breathe well from my right lung, I felt tired and worn out.


Sick.

Why was my immune system so compromised?  STRESS.  I was allowing LIFE to take over me, to control me.  I behaved as if I had to just obey whatever situation that popped up, I had to obey whatever work that was thrown my way.  I was killing myself. So, I was sick off and on for 3 months.  During these months, I gained 20lbs.  I was on my way to losing 30lbs extra prior to being sick.  Let's do the math.  30+20=50lbs.

So what does this do to a person with an eating disorder?  How do I make this right in my mind? How do I find the balance that I'm trying to teach others?

Rhonda vs Bulimia

The first thing I have to make peace with is that I'm still FLY.  I'm still smart, funny, quirky, loving, etc. The scale doesn't change anything. Then I have to not blame myself.  I've been sick. I've had trouble working out successful.  Finally, I have to realize that I'm in control and I can successful lose 50lbs in a healthy way.  There are no deadlines.  I'm only losing weight to be healthy - not for vanity, CWUW, or anything or anyone else.

50lbs. 

There are no scales in my home anymore. I used to weigh myself daily...yes, daily.  I will lose weight and shape my body into the image that I want.  [loving the selfishness of this blog]  Freedom starts in releasing our minds from self-imposed prisons.  Freedom is now.  Remember, I said this is the Year of Me and I still mean it.  God is doing a great work in me with this issue but its time to stop the on-going battle and just win the damn war.

Its time.

[No editing....leaving the typos and the mess ups - Therapy]

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Confessions of a Recovering Misogynist" by Kevin Powell

In the past few weeks, I've had the opportunity to have very brief conversations with Kevin Powell. Its very interesting to speak with someone with similar passions for community service. As someone who has been very transparent on her blog, I find this essay by Kevin refreshing. I just happen to see this on Facebook as someone posted it many months ago. Thanks KP. I AM A SEXIST MALE. I take no great pride in saying this, I am merely stating a fact. It is not that I was born this way-rather, I was born into this male-dominated society, and consequently, from the very moment I began forming thoughts, they formed in a decidedly male-centered way. My "education" at home with my mother, at school, on my neighborhood playgrounds, and at church, all placed males in the middle of the universe. My digestion of the 1970s American popular culture in the form of television, film, ads, and music only added to my training, so that by as early as age nine or ten I saw females, includ...
Post a Comment
Read more

For Colored Girls: Seeing Red

After being very vocal about being Tyler Perry a less than favorite choice to direct an adaption of Ntozake Shange's "For Colored Girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf" or better known now as "For Colored Girls", I watched the movie feeling empty. I've seen myself in the colors of orange and green . I've empathized with the browns in my life. I know yellow and I know blue. Then there is RED . I could spend time examining the issues I had with the movie. I could also celebrate the power of dynamic words used to express OUR stories of various hues, depths, and struggles. The color red, Janet Jackson's character, disturbed me. This development of this character reeks of Perry's own personal agenda. He wanted to talk about the down low situation. He wanted to bring in HIV and so he did.  In spite of Janet's less than wonderful acting abilities, I was interested in how her story would play itself out. I heard about her. Th...
Post a Comment
Read more