Saturday, August 13, 2011

Bulimia trying to have its way

After a long week, full of ups and downs, I see my old friend....or fiend I should say, trying to have its way. Its always been a way of coping, of finding control.  It tries to be involved and to have a say.  It changes the way I see myself in the mirror.  It wants to take my attention away and focus on negativity. My old friend....oh I mean fiend Bulimia wants to come home.

Today....I looked in the mirror and saw every place where I see fat making a new home, more comfortable than ever.  I see no beauty. I see nothing of God.  Oh...wait...that's not me. That's my old friend....[clears throat] fiend Bulimia.  She knows I've been working on new friendships like security, trust, and hope.  She's jealous.  She's wants back in.  She knows I'm finding acceptance with the body I have today so that I can appreciate the body I'll have tomorrow.   Bulimia is a trickster but she is a quick fix....like a quick hit on a crack pipe.  I know I've gained weight.  I know I'm stressed about a multitude of things but today, I choose to cope differently. I choose not to harm myself.  I choose not to believe the twisted thoughts which tell me I'm unworthy, that I'm not beautiful.  I choose to celebrate me no matter what. I choose to love me regardless of who stays by my side or who walks away.

Bulimia - we broke up.  Our friendship is over.  You can't stay here anymore.  Go away. You Fiend.


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