I never really have bought into the "Alpha Female" stereotype too much but its something I've been called at lot and I have to admit to seeing the fight for the alpha position without me agreeing to the "competition". I know I have an perceived confidence. I don't back away from my opinion. I have a point of view of life and who I am. I stand. I have an expectation or maybe an assumption that this is how everyone is inherently. I know that's a little naive to think but when I meet a person, I assume they have a point of view as I do and I expect them to express it and defend it as I do.
Some do and many don't.
I find those who really fake at a point of view, who believe their opinion gives them a position over the next have the most issues with others - who are ok with their take on things and who aren't shook by another persons POV. They want to be the loudest. They want their ideas to be embraced. If we are thinking about the Alpha Female having similar characteristics of a powerful leader then so many have it wrong. Leadership is more about service and guidance. Its also being willing to take responsibility for failures. Its having many people NOT like you and finding some acceptance with it. Its being ok with successes and failures. Its being in the moment and a visionary. Its embracing everyone's talent and input. Its a sucky ass job but you're ok with it. At the same time, an Alpha-Female can be a great leader and many time...is.
Now, I've had my "moments" with others who have taken issue with "my way". These have been both women and men. No sexist stereotyping here. Some men don't care for the so-called Alpha Female. Some men confuse this position with those women who are boisterous, loud, and like to fight. That's a bitch. An Alpha-Female isn't a bitch but she can use that characteristic from time to time, if we must call it something. I've had men take issue with my work, my lead, my way. I've been told I needed to be more humble. I've been told that I'm too opinionated for any man to truly be able to deal with me. [giggle]. Most of the time, these statements come from men who have felt rejected when I was only interested in friendship and not anything romantic.
When women, its a little more interesting. Most of the time, I never see the "battle" coming. I love being around smart, engaging women. The majority of the women in my circle are also Alpha Females in their own right. I would really just call them leaders. They have an ease about them. They aren't vying for position or attention.
I remember starting a new job and I was getting to know a group of women. There was one woman who just snapped at anything I would say. [scratches head] I didn't get it. I can be very quiet in new situations. Its the introvert in me. I like to observe. I like to have conversations with individuals until I can get to know the vibe of the group. This woman wasn't having it. I let it alone. Then a co-worker made a comment. He says, "Oh Rhonda, its just the battle of the Alpha Females for position." I'm like...huh? I just started on the gig. She was the "leader of the pack". There's NO way I can even be looked at as an Alpha Female. He pointed out a few things. I was a grade above many of the women. I had more experience. I was just starting my nonprofit. He then said...."you just don't think its that deep and that's annoying." he said with a huge laugh. UGH!!! I'm being me. So, I had a one on one conversation with this young woman. It got better but never really 100%. All I can do is say, I tried.
I try.
I can't apologize for being me. I was raised by 7 women. These were the strongest women I know and taught me how to be confident in being a woman and more so, in being a smart woman. They would say you don't have to flash anything. Just be it. I learned it early. My daughter is the same way. There are many situations where I don't really join in. I listen. I enjoy learning from others. I don't need to tell anyone what I do. I STRUGGLE with this Alpha Female title which so many have called me. I now hear, "BAWSE" a lot. [giggle] I'm me. I'm just here. I'm not fighting anyone for my space on this rock because its rightfully mine to take.
I find those who really fake at a point of view, who believe their opinion gives them a position over the next have the most issues with others - who are ok with their take on things and who aren't shook by another persons POV. They want to be the loudest. They want their ideas to be embraced. If we are thinking about the Alpha Female having similar characteristics of a powerful leader then so many have it wrong. Leadership is more about service and guidance. Its also being willing to take responsibility for failures. Its having many people NOT like you and finding some acceptance with it. Its being ok with successes and failures. Its being in the moment and a visionary. Its embracing everyone's talent and input. Its a sucky ass job but you're ok with it. At the same time, an Alpha-Female can be a great leader and many time...is.
Now, I've had my "moments" with others who have taken issue with "my way". These have been both women and men. No sexist stereotyping here. Some men don't care for the so-called Alpha Female. Some men confuse this position with those women who are boisterous, loud, and like to fight. That's a bitch. An Alpha-Female isn't a bitch but she can use that characteristic from time to time, if we must call it something. I've had men take issue with my work, my lead, my way. I've been told I needed to be more humble. I've been told that I'm too opinionated for any man to truly be able to deal with me. [giggle]. Most of the time, these statements come from men who have felt rejected when I was only interested in friendship and not anything romantic.
When women, its a little more interesting. Most of the time, I never see the "battle" coming. I love being around smart, engaging women. The majority of the women in my circle are also Alpha Females in their own right. I would really just call them leaders. They have an ease about them. They aren't vying for position or attention.
I remember starting a new job and I was getting to know a group of women. There was one woman who just snapped at anything I would say. [scratches head] I didn't get it. I can be very quiet in new situations. Its the introvert in me. I like to observe. I like to have conversations with individuals until I can get to know the vibe of the group. This woman wasn't having it. I let it alone. Then a co-worker made a comment. He says, "Oh Rhonda, its just the battle of the Alpha Females for position." I'm like...huh? I just started on the gig. She was the "leader of the pack". There's NO way I can even be looked at as an Alpha Female. He pointed out a few things. I was a grade above many of the women. I had more experience. I was just starting my nonprofit. He then said...."you just don't think its that deep and that's annoying." he said with a huge laugh. UGH!!! I'm being me. So, I had a one on one conversation with this young woman. It got better but never really 100%. All I can do is say, I tried.
I try.
I can't apologize for being me. I was raised by 7 women. These were the strongest women I know and taught me how to be confident in being a woman and more so, in being a smart woman. They would say you don't have to flash anything. Just be it. I learned it early. My daughter is the same way. There are many situations where I don't really join in. I listen. I enjoy learning from others. I don't need to tell anyone what I do. I STRUGGLE with this Alpha Female title which so many have called me. I now hear, "BAWSE" a lot. [giggle] I'm me. I'm just here. I'm not fighting anyone for my space on this rock because its rightfully mine to take.
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