Thursday, July 7, 2011

A silent scream

I had a good day. I had a bad day.  The bad part of the really shook my spirit and I couldn't really process it the way I wanted to and needed to do. I needed an ear of someone uninvolved, of someone who cares enough just to let off steam, and someone who can calm my spirit.

I'm really only going to say how I felt but not the situation.  I've never been so disrespected by someone I've done so much for. That disrespect even sadden some of my staff members.  I don't want to hurt anyone for any reason.  I try my best to really help any way I can but I know that comes with a price at times. I guess, I'm feeling unappreciated as well. I think many times I walk around silent because "strength" is the armor I'm suppose to wear 24/7. When I'm upset, I feel badly for feeling upset.  I'm not a robot.

Today, I could have physical hurt another person. I was that upset. I could have unleashed all of the 'secrets' I know and could have destroyed this person in one easy step.  Instead, I paced. I tried to stay busy and I worked my ass off.  I don't have the person to come home to and unleash all of my feelings. Many days....its bottled up.  I call my girlfriend and dump but I don't want to do that...yanno.


Tomorrow will be better. Fuck all the typos...whatever its 3:26am.

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