Monday, July 27, 2009
Sista, my sista .....who is zooming who? (grammatically incorrect because I like it that way)
I've worked with women for the past 15 years on HIV/AIDS, relationships, and health issues. There have been times when I just watched us.
What is going on?
First things, first. Black women are beautiful. We are made with an inner strengthen that is amazing. We've pushed through all of the worlds nonsense and hatred for our beauty, bodies, and strength. I love how we've been created.
Now with all of that said, we are falling a part. We can no longer hold up and take anymore. We also have to start facing the mirror. What part of this destruction is our responsibility?
I've had conversations with black men who don't understand feminism and how it relates to black women and our relationships with them. Somehow feminism is the cause of the destruction of the black family (according to some of the men I've spoken with) and black women have listened to white women too long. (sigh)
I'm not about to do a history lesson in regards to the women's movement. We can look at the civil rights movement and you can see that women do not get the place in history as men. Nevertheless, black women should not apologize for wanting to be treated fairly and equitably. Unfortunately, some of my sisters have used their success in education and employment as a means to degrade some brothers who don't have as many zeros on their checks. They cry out, "there aren't any good men." Really?
They've only developed their professional lives and yet their personal lives are chaotic. These were the women most difficult to work with when I was doing HIV prevention work. They have wrapped their identity so tightly into their work and education that they didn't think they needed anything else. They couldn't understand why their were single, they didn't believe they were at risk for HIV even when I tried to point out their serial monogamy wasn't keeping them safe. Sista, wake up. They would point their fingers at the "Hoes". hmmmmm.....who is zooming who?
What I've also learned is that Sistas still want the fairy tale but will settle for the nightmare. I hear women talk about still wanting to be married and have children but are giving into the possibilities that this may not occur. We've decided that we should be in competition with one another (pushed also by the male agenda) for the attention and love of any man. Some women share men without issue in search for the fairy tale. Who is zooming who?
We are believing that birthing children will someone keep you tied to the man you love. We forget that children are not pawns. We forget that we must be responsible for healing the bitterness we feel from the man that left so we can concentrate on being the best parent we can be in the circumstance that WE are partially responsible for putting ourselves into. We don't have to have sex with these men. We don't have to have their children. If we decided this is what we want to do, woman-up and take responsibility for your part. If that man leaves you with a child, yes, he is worthless. Heal thyself. Now what? Do you spend your time fighting this man or even fighting that inner hurt that your children will see? who is zooming who?
Our hatred of one another has to end. Light-skinned, dark-skinned....so what. We can't feed into this any longer. We have to celebrate all of our beauty and be accepting of who we are. My light-skinned, sistas.....beautiful....dark-skinned sistas...beautiful. We have to recognized the game that is being played. Understand that its the men and the record labels that keep our darker skinned women out of videos. Its the advertisers that think only having lighter skinned women (and curly head little girls) is what all America wants to see. Let's not let these entities separate us. To hear my darker skinned sistas say "light skinned women think they are better" or hearing my lighter skinned sistas say "dark-skinned (nappy-headed) women are ugly" is hurtful and I've heard both. Who is zooming who?
I could go on and on. These aren't really even complete thoughts but just STUFF that have seen and heard over the years.
We have to look in the mirror. We have to understand how the system plays games with our families and our lives. We have to understand how WE contribute to our own issues. We have to do better. God made us the mother. Let's act as if we understand what that means.