Skip to main content

Belly Belly

I'm on my path to the land of freedom. I plan on living there until I transcend so today I truly begin my journey by releasing everything I feel about my body.

Belly.

Even after gaining 72lbs while pregnant with my daughter 22 years ago, I had a flat stomach and began to get a tattoo of the sun. Being a work in progress, I didn't think about what the future would hold for myself and my body. Stretch marks meant nothing to me. I'm a mother. This is what happens to a woman's body. My belly never gave me pause.  It wasn't an area that I concerned myself with on any level.

As my bulimia worsened so did my vision, the way I viewed my body.  I saw every stretch mark. I saw every mole. And after my surgery to have fibroids removed, I developed a little pouch similar to what women have after  a c-section.   This was no longer my body.  It was foreign to me.  I disconnected with my body and to whatever it meant to be Rhonda.  I had been so measured by my body that when it stopped looking the way I was use to looking, I let it go.  The bulimia took over along with depression and anxiety and Rhonda was lost.  Today, I'm striving to break free from this bondage of my body and being weighed and measured by what my ass or my belly may look like. 

Imperfections abound. With the recent weight again in the last year, my belly, my ass, my tits all look different but I'm beautiful. I'm wonderful as is.  My health hasn't been compromised by my weight gain and I'm seeing Rhonda again.  This doesn't mean I don't want to lose weight but that my motives are different.  I'm not concerning myself with how I'm viewed by others. God wants me free from all of that unnecessary strife.  Its time to leave all of the depression good-bye. peace be still.

My belly is soft. My belly is lovable.

My belly is sexy. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Confessions of a Recovering Misogynist" by Kevin Powell

In the past few weeks, I've had the opportunity to have very brief conversations with Kevin Powell. Its very interesting to speak with someone with similar passions for community service. As someone who has been very transparent on her blog, I find this essay by Kevin refreshing. I just happen to see this on Facebook as someone posted it many months ago. Thanks KP. I AM A SEXIST MALE. I take no great pride in saying this, I am merely stating a fact. It is not that I was born this way-rather, I was born into this male-dominated society, and consequently, from the very moment I began forming thoughts, they formed in a decidedly male-centered way. My "education" at home with my mother, at school, on my neighborhood playgrounds, and at church, all placed males in the middle of the universe. My digestion of the 1970s American popular culture in the form of television, film, ads, and music only added to my training, so that by as early as age nine or ten I saw females, includ...
Post a Comment
Read more

For Colored Girls: Seeing Red

After being very vocal about being Tyler Perry a less than favorite choice to direct an adaption of Ntozake Shange's "For Colored Girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf" or better known now as "For Colored Girls", I watched the movie feeling empty. I've seen myself in the colors of orange and green . I've empathized with the browns in my life. I know yellow and I know blue. Then there is RED . I could spend time examining the issues I had with the movie. I could also celebrate the power of dynamic words used to express OUR stories of various hues, depths, and struggles. The color red, Janet Jackson's character, disturbed me. This development of this character reeks of Perry's own personal agenda. He wanted to talk about the down low situation. He wanted to bring in HIV and so he did.  In spite of Janet's less than wonderful acting abilities, I was interested in how her story would play itself out. I heard about her. Th...
Post a Comment
Read more