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Vampire

you know the saying....let it go and if it comes back...blah, blah, blah

Don't you hate when you have to operate in cliches. Well here I am. Letting it go and believing that God's plan is better than mine. Believing that God will make it all work for good and that all things will be fine. So, I'm letting it go. Fly away. Have a good one. You are harmful to me in ways you don't even know because its all really about you. Sad but so true. Maybe while away, you'll learn some important lessons about not mistreating others. You can't protect yourself at the cost of others. That's lame. Its immature. Its selfish. Its sad. Its weak. Very weak. Its a punk move.

Happiness TRULY comes when we are honest with ourselves. When we can look in the mirror and be ok with who we are and not fake it, we will find peace. Unfortunately, there are some who are so selfish that they can't see their harm when it benefits them. Oh well. You will one day. You will reap your harvest. You can't beat God at his universal laws. So fly away. In your quiet moments, know that you caused harm, you were rude and unappreciative. In your quiet moments you must face that you can be extremely fake and so flawed that you think others can't see YOU. Or maybe you're scared, they do. And we do! I SAW you from the beginning even though I didn't say a word. I allowed some manipulation. I allowed you to say some bullshit because I knew you needed it. I wasn't gonna keep you away from your crack. You needed the hit.

Fly away. I've provided nothing but honesty and a geninue hand but your motives were twisted.....shhhhhhhhhhh secrets secrets secrets. All things in the dark come to the light but I'm not flippin' the switch. God will. He will make you FACE the real you. I thought I got that but I know I didn't. So sad. A powerful connection could have been had if all things were honest from the beginning. I made mistakes. You made mistakes. You are Lestat. Vampire. Smooth. Charming. Deadly to the soul. And here I am, Louis, trying to figure it all out but knowing to survive I must get away.....both guilty and innocent and torn. Louis was devoted to Lestat but was drained by his selfishness.

Fly away. Very far away. Sooooooooo far away that I want to think of you as a dream, a distant memory. If you return, it will be because God has allowed you to return to my world.

I will miss you. I really will.



No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of ther beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems.
Anne Rice, "Blood and Gold"

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.