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Intimidation - Wha?

1. to make timid; fill with fear.

2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.

3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear: to intimidate a voter into staying away from the polls.

Rhonda L is a nice person. I can be quiet. I observe before I jump in. I don't really believe in reverence unless you're God. When I mean reverence, I mean special treatment because of position. I know this pisses a lot of folks off but whatever. We all are special. Reverence all or none.

Ever since I was young, I've heard that I'm intimidating. Today, I've hit my wall with this. I remember when I was program director for Woman to Woman and my own volunteers would be "scared" to come into my office. I'm being all nice and saying, "Hey, come in, have a seat!" I'd get a quick, "Oh that's ok!". Wha? My assistant would tell me they were "intimidated" by me. My "presence" is overwhelming. Wha? Some people would LOVE this but I think its NUTS and its getting on my nerves. I've found myself being EXTRA nice to make people comfortable with talking with me. I've even seen folks retreat from that even. Wha?

My girlfriend told me that I need to just face it and live with it. Why? I'm an open person. I support folks even when they don't really support me. I believe in people and their passions even when they don't believe in mine so I don't understand this "intimidation". I don't get it. I was told one time it was the way I walk into a room. Wha? I look like a owned it. I was told one time that I look like I'm above the BS. Wha? Let me give some background on my walk. I had 6 aunts, 7 of them Owens women including my mom. 2 of them were 6 ft tall. My mom was 5'9. Amazon babes. I grew fast. I was 5'8" at 10 years old and I walked with my head down. Those 7 women would snap on me any time they saw me walk. I had to go to charm school. I had to walk around the house with a book on my head. My confidence in my walk comes from those 7 women. It has nothing to do with anything else.

Now, we are finding similar things are happening with CWUW. We actually had conversation in our meeting about other folks from different orgs being "intimidated" by CWUW. Wha? I've experienced it and now my volunteers are experiencing it and WE DON'T GET IT!!!! We are so inclusive. We want to be very supportive of other orgs, coalitions, etc. Today, a dear friend and someone very close to CWUW said that she could see how even the most established org would be a little intimidated by CWUW. Wha? She said our web communications are super professional and because we are so inclusive, people don't know what to do that. OH BROTHER!

So what do I do? I'm me. God wants me to have a spirit of excellence about CWUW so I do. Am I suppose to modify who I am and my approach to the org because of others? I've done it alot with myself but I'm not doing it with CWUW. We are FAR from where we need to be. FAR!!!! I think if a person is intimidated by someone, they need to look in the mirror especially if that person is just being themselves. I don't TRY to intimidate anyone. I don't stare folks down because I hate to be stared at. I don't want people to be intimidated by me. I love God's people. Someone told me once that they were intimidated by Jesus, they loved him and hated him at the same time. Some people have that. Wha? This tires my soul. For real. I'm a tough chick but I'm sensitive at the same time. Weird but it is what it is.

Personally, intimidation means fear. I'm not going to be bothered with Fearing anything. I'm human so I have moments but I'm striving to put all of my trust in God and his faith in me to carry this torch. I don't want a living soul to feel intimidated by me or what God has for me because whatever he has for you is just as GREAT! What is for you is for YOU! No need to long for the next mans gold. You have your own.

I think this will continue so I need to learn to deal with it.

I'll come back to edit later....


SisterCousinRegina said…
...dear friends,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.
Cleva said…
Amen my dearest SisterCousin....!

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