Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Big Pay Back

This week has been one spiritual journey. I've blogged until my brain emptied out completely on myspace. I needed to purge a number of things and issues this week, both good and bad. One thing that I'm amazed with is my faithfulness. I don't think you can pat yourself on the back about stuff like that but I am. Man, I'm not perfect. I have some issues like we all do. Somehow, I still know that God has my back even when I'm in the thick of my crazy. He loves me. So, no matter what I'm being neurotic about, I'm loved and I'm taken care of.

For a few years, I couldn't even understand the concept of Hope. I was faithful but not hopeful. Believe me, you can have faith and no hope. I didn't want to ask God for stuff. I just felt like he will give me what I needed and that's enough. It was a battle to actually be hopeful about things especially if I put my heart in it. God is awesome but I've learned that each of us have very specific lessons to be learned. God doesn't trip on giving me an assignment when I know the outcome. He knows I'm there. I'm in it to win it for the Kingdom. I'm damn Fredo walking the Ring to whereever it needs to go. Its when the outcome is vague or unknown, I'm not ready or willing to walk down the road. I'm learning but its HARD.

I'm thankful to be helpful to those who needed to find hope again. I've been there. This week God has been awesome. He is walking me through this last thing that is holding me back, the bod issues. So you'll see a lot of blogs about the process. I'm ready to let go. I'm so blessed by the generational blessings of Love. Charlotte loved. Charlotte loved everyone. I'm finding myself being JUST LIKE HER. Agape. Awesomeness. So I'm thankful to the Divine for believing in me once again by sending me members of his mock to offer encouragement and love. I'm thankful for being able to forgive when I feel hurt and harmed. I'm thankful for the best Kid on the planet. God gave me stewardship over the most beautiful spirit. I'm thankful for what is next. I know it will be nothing but the best.

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