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Control: Addressing the Madness


This week a friend of mine threw himself into his work. Busy time for all of us actually. We talked daily here and there, about this and that for many, many months and I was very used to that pattern. Addiction.

This blog isn't about him but about Me.

Because of our personality types, there is a clash. I'm sure he's like, Huh? Which is probably an accurate response from his point of view but for me, I have issues. I think its because its how the 'break' occurred. I'm all for, "Hey, I'm really busy so I'll holler when stuff slows down." Or something. Basically, there was nuthin' initially . So my mind was racing with, "WTF" or "Damn, that's really messed up" or "How RUDE!", etc, etc, etc and being hypersensitive. Yeah, my feelings were REALLY hurt and THAT made me mad too. grrrrrrrrrrr.


I think my control issues have stepped in. I do have issues about how people deal with me or should I say "handle" me. If I can't control that, I lose it. Its my neurotic side coming out. I'm not saying that I'm 100% wrong in my feelings. I've learned that I have the right to feel what I feel but are the feelings misplaced or extreme? This, I don't know. All I know is, the friend didn't follow the pattern of behavior I needed him to have and I went nuts. How arrogant of me, right? I'm sure its some defensive thing I've developed. Why, I don't know. I know when I'm spinning and I'm spinning a bit. Remember, nothing really has been done to me. (needing the nutty emoticon from the Org)

Therapy needed.

Of course, I have worked to do myself. I have to write an extensive program narrative about CWUW. The Kid has a college visit and is getting her permit. Oh, I'm looking for a new gig. Yeah, I'm busy myself. The addict in me wasn't ready to detox.

My drug was "taken away" (not really) and now I'm going through withdrawals.


Soon, I'll be clean and sober again.

Sorry to my friend.

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.