ClevaWords

CWUW is my love, my other kid that takes up most of my time outside of mommyhood. This weekend as I worked on some program stuff, I was really rejuvenated. We've had some changes in the board that sort of through me off for a second but change is good. We're working on a research project that I'm excited about. I just hate going throught the IRB process. Its so slow or its just IUPUI. I'm starting to see how God is working this out. As I go through my own journey in dealing with my health (bulimia), CWUW progresses. As I move to live a more centered life, CWUW grows. I'll never want to go through what I did with Woman to Woman. I was so connected to the program that I couldn't separate myself from the program. I WAS W2W and when stuff started to crumble, I couldn't separate me from what was occurring (blessings to a fabulous co-worker who helped me through). I'm so thankful for W2W though. I LOVED what we were able to accomplish in HIV and with ...

Principles of Spiritual Activism The following principles emerged from several years' work with social change leaders in Satyana's Leading with Spirit program. We offer these not as definitive truths, but rather as key learnings and guidelines that, taken together, comprise a useful framework for "spiritual activism." 1. Transformation of motivation from anger/fear/despair to compassion/love/purpose. This is a vital challenge for today's social change movement. This is not to deny the noble emotion of appropriate anger or outrage in the face of social injustice. Rather, this entails a crucial shift from fighting against evil to working for love, and the long-term results are very different, even if the outer activities appear virtually identical. Action follows Being, as the Sufi saying goes. Thus "a positive future cannot emerge from the mind of anger and despair" (Dalai Lama). 2. Non-attachment to outcome. This is difficult to put into practice, ye...

May 19, 2008 - Monday Lost in the rhythm of my heart Forest for the trees, i can't not see Blind daily by thoughts and misunderstandings Twists and turns and mistakes and misgivings The drumbeat of my heart continues to deafen the melodic sounds my ears should be hearing disillusioned in my passions I can recognize the rabbit hole Alice in her wonderment confused by pandora's box Fairy tales without the happy ending Close my eyes to see fantasies and rainbows and pleasure and love refusing to open refusing reality refusing me

December 5, 2007 Psychedelic waves bouncing through my head blues and reds form mystical visions of things unsaid feeling trippy feeling fine feeling good all the time peace my brotha everything i s swell tree huggin' fools secrets they do tell be go od to the animals Peta will not have a say ahhhhhhhhh the sunrise its time to play running through the fields rainbows and ribbons dance through my mind feelin' trippy feelin' good feelin' fine my mind is seeks not altering vibes weed, mushrooms take away my good time come join my journey be a part of my parade this good feelin' leads to an orgasmic tirade. feelin' trippy feelin fine hypnotic, psychedelic joy ride

March 15, 2008 - Saturday transparent seeing through my bullshit my rhetoric me trying to be slick me trying to hide what I feel about me about you about him ya let me know my words speak magnified but do you know when I speak when its about me about you about him confused you truly be working through my transparency my crush him my rock you and I am clear.

I've always surrounded myself with artsy people. I like their vibes but damn, ya'll some moody, temperamental creatures. I say that with love...lol. My very, very dear friend is an artist and DJ in New Jersey and he breaks the mold. He is so cool and focused. Kortez isn't full of angst and he's on his grind with his art and music and the struggle to make it happen. He is very peaceful. I LOVE talking with him. On a visit, I watched him paint and it was AMAZING. He painted three items for me. The collage (above) was painted in honor of my Mom. He used her birth certificate, pics and other items to make this collage. Its a great way to honor her. The other painting was inspired by some art he had already painted. Kortez' art is cool because he uses things like doors, frames, wood paneling, etc to create his beautiful work. When this finally came in the mail, I lost it. He actually painted while ago when I was there but it took a minute for him to get it to me. I...

Just repostin' some stuff from my Myspace blog over the past couple of years. I'm not THAT moved by stuff lately...(gigglin')..ok...yeah maybe. Thanks for the many messages ya'll. So many folks send me private notes and emails to my blogs. I'm blessed for the encouragement, the support and the sharing of your stories as well. Its a blessing to be able to share ME with the world without fear of criticism. Not bothered with another person's opinion of me, my life and journey. Its all about God and me. Through my past work in the community, I know that giving a little of yourself can be such a blessing. I wish I could share some of the touching messages I get. Awesome. My writings can be about a number of people and situations or very much my own personal experiences. Ya neva know. I'm happy to encourage others to Journal. You don't have to be as public as I am but journaling can be a powerful tool. I'm thankful to friends who have allowed me...

I am..... Charged with providing love to the disenfranchised hugs to the lonely Walking through the doors of the crack house to help a mother change her life I am evil Kisses to the person living with HIV who has forgotten the touch of another Let me sit with you so your pimp doesn't beat you again again again I am offensive Let me lose mother, job, home car, phone, and family and still praise the Most High for loving me Let family turn away and brother abuse is sister I am faithless My little sisters, black, white and Asian Come under my wings as I teach you my wisdom, my love for God's people. Sit with me daily and I will share and love you as I do my own I embrace all who you will become I am racist

I'm so affected by my friends and just my surroundings. Its the introvert in me. I listen. I analyze and over analyze too. The running theme this week was dissatisfaction with various aspects of life, from jobs, to friendships, relationships, politics, etc. I think I've talked with someone about each these things this week; most of the time just listening. Why do we get dissatisfied? To me, its no more than a push to move and do something. Piss or get off the pot. Do something. Move. Make a decision. But so many, including myself at times, do nothing. Nothing makes it worse, really. What REALLY happens is that we become fearful? We know we are dissatisfied but trying to make a decision to move to action is just overwhelming, scary so we just stay in dissatisfaction. So many are dissatisfied with our schools but do nothing. Some are dissatisfied with their jobs (mirror, mirror on the wall) and do nothing (doin' something though). I've dealt with dissatisfactio...

Oh my Oh my the thickness of my thighs imagining my lips dripping with well Oh my Oh my its not all physical you see strength, insight and drive becomes all of me Oh my Oh my confused you are this is nothing new I'm a door, a possibility for you to walk through Oh my Oh my perfect combination Love and Lust allowing your spirit to break free when its all said and done I'm just being me Oh my Oh my no responsibility do I take for what your mind whispers of me in your late night quake Oh my Oh my what do you do nothing is seems just do you and I'll be authentically me

God Bless the Freaks.....(ODE to Dex) Ring!! yes, this is me.....who you be You wanna what? yeah.....uh....yeah...ok...well....where do you wanna do that? yeah..i'm down....11pm...ok (hmmmm......that dress....nothing underneath....) Doorbell....... ringggggggggg Hey U...its me.....ahhhhhhhhhh.....got the music playing.....prince.....how cute C'mere....touch me....yeah.....there.....let me...lick you....mmmmm...there yes....condoms.......let me.....yeah.....i have some skills.....Look..no hands....hahaha..... Lustful desires, Locs interwined.......choke me.....pull my hair......wheeeww lawd...yes..........sweat from your brow...onto my chest.....ahhhhhhhhhh yes.... Well......thanks......uh....yeah....just call me in the morning.......ok...oh...I'll make it home aight......mwahhhh..... Ringgggggggggggg .....damn who is this Oh...yeah .....hey U....what am I doin'....well....uh....dr...

August 17, 2007 - Friday Simply in love with the essence of you I'm consumed with the possibilities of forever and the certainties of today Heated passions, common ground are shared without strife, moving us into another level, another vibe, another thing Nameless it remains as we find peace in this nameless connection Simply in love with the way it is, the way its done and the way .....the way....the way Touches unlock hidden secrets, confessions are made about pasts loves and hurts and leading us to lay down, lay down those things that hinder us from feeling this Simply in love a with friendship that defies reason, space and time just simply in love and its ok..... simply in love with you

nobody knows that which time must confess all of lifes trials born across your chest your strength is like freedom designed to set me free speakin words of wisdom speakin Rhonda Rhonda b b it baby maybe always that we preserve the memory these words the pearls of truth uttered so freely by decree you I can tell are beauty sideways sound barrier honey honesty you gave me shelter from the swelter the one n only Rhonda b b it never should I recover it wont matter no not to me cause I am now a better body better for knowin Rhondab Written for me by Shausler of the Org after we spoke following the death of his mother last year. Love ya Shausler!!

July 29, 2007 - Sunday How simple is it to love....ah no....ah yes..ha ha ha maybe How simple is it to express it.....ah yes..ah no...ha ha ha maybe My eyes tell you, my words move you, ah the simplicity of love when you know it, feel it and damn it, exist in it How simple is it to live in it ....ah maybe....ah no...ha ha ha yes hearts beating, hearts beating, hearts beating....in time....in motion....eyes fixed and bodies in harmony....are we one? My soul connects so deeply and yet I am me and you are you, and we are we... How simple is it to realize that you've found the one, thinks like you, vibes with you, supports all that you are and all that you desire to be....ah no.....ah yes......ha ha ha maybe Love me, love me love me....ah yes....ah...yes.....no more no....no more maybe. there you be. there you.....be....there.....you be. Come to me. How simple is it to realize that my eyes no longer need to wander? How simple is it to realize that I need not take anymore o...

August 20, 2007 - Monday Fire and passion blaze through into my veins, burning sensation rushes intensity, desire to love me, desire to need me longing for all that you've offered so freely to my spirit fear sets in to remind me of a past thing, a thing that had me confused had me lost, had me wandering, looking for the love promised to me Can a heart be too open, too willing to love as if a noose is slowly being draped so eloquently around my neck..... The provision of my heart can't be passed out so freely..... I must guard my heart to guard my peace...peace of mind and my soul The warmth of your soul keeps me drawn unto your flame....but impatient words burns at every touch. let me be. let you be. Let me desire something deeper than an online fantasy with twisted words. You shun friendship as if its the greater evil but its the greatest gift I can offer you.... I release you to find the frantic love you seek....as I look for deeper mean...

Wake up Wake up with all lucidity it is still possible to think as if insanity has set in Wake up Wake up No dumber than he or she is me it is all so transparent close my eyes blinded in my imagination reality once my friend my enemy it seems by my own selection Wake up Wake my journey continues with the brightness of midday sky pretending nothing anymore guided by the Power of Yeshua moved my the Spirit of Wisdom Wake Up Wake Up Awaken I've always been and now I rise returning no more to foolish ways My worth as precious as any costly stone recognizing only a few can pay such a fee to love, respect and be with me Awoke. June 28, 2008

Back in 1998 when I was the Program Director for a HIV prevention program called Woman to Woman, I needed another assistant. The program was growing so I began a search. A co-worker spoke with a friend about her daughter needing a gig. I told him to have her call me. Understand, nonprofits can be lazy in their hiring practices. It costs too much to advertise so, its about the hook up. So, she called. You could see her smile through the phone. She was hyped. She had no idea what was in store for her with W2W...lol. She shows up with braces, long ass hair, almost to her booty and this GRIN. This was Rashida, at 19. I was 29 at the time. Rashida was willing to do whatever we asked and she did it with a smile. She loved working in HIV (she'd probably say something differently now) and she LOVED our participants. I remember giving her two projects: 1) develop our outreach packets, 2) learn how to put a condom on with your mouth. LOL..... I think the latter was our bonding moment. I made...

Written September 30, 2007 - Sunday Confident in my looks, my charm, my thang...you know....that thang Seeking out more words to filll the void that says I need you to love me so I play games and send notes, tidbits to move you Charming muthafucka that I am, I touch your inner being caressing your soul, drawning you unto me Let me look at you, hold your hand Let me kiss your lips as if I'm lost inside of you Let me say these three words, "I Love you!" with meaning and deepth Let the secret be kept that its all bullshit You see, I need you to need me I need you to see me, desire me, long for me I will chase you until I know that you can see no other but me me only me Once you say, "I need you" in my twisted way, I pretend to be confused You need me? oh see, we are just...friends. We are just buddies. I don't want you. Give me your body. Give me your time. Give me. Give me. Give me. Let me take the essence of your spirit Let me manipulate and twist the se...

Uncle Mark; Check the "GREEN CUP", Mom's Coca Cola cup. It went EVERYWHERE she went. Dad and Uncle Mark back in the day...."Fa's" shirt was very Princely, huh? Uncle Mark with his son, Mark at Christmas This has been a week of a lot of reflection. It'll be a heavy bloggin' weekend probably but whatever. I was thinking about my uncle Mark this week. He was on my mind alot mainly because he's grandson is going to be a father. My cousin is 18 and has dropped out of high school. I'm sure my uncle isn't too happy with that situation. My uncle passed away in 2005, a year after mom. He was also my mother's best friend so his death was very hard for me as my mom's death was very hard for him. My uncle pulled me aside after mom's death and apologized to me for not calling me and talking with me very much. He said I reminded him of her too much. That was so hard for me. My uncle was the family member I could vent to about mo...

Deep thoughts of all that I can be and maybe even who I am Overtaken at times with moving at a steady pace being controlled by this demonic force pulling me into my own demise Wake up to a new day deep thoughts move to deep meditations tapping into the Divine and allowing my spirit to be lifted Mom, can u see? I'm well The kid is fine Yeah, I know, everything will be alright.

Got busy again....good thing I guess. Work is really WORK . I have no love for writing grants. Its 100% about developing a skill set. I've really had enough but I have to be strategic about my next move. Time for me to get back into executive status and run some shit. I miss being involved in the community, working with clients and seeing the outcome of my work. MISS IT!! I'm ready to go higher. Me and the kid have started to look for scholarships. YAY for her focus this summer because I was worried and getting pissy. She has a gig, her permit and is back playing basketball. She's getting the focus back. No slacking. If I'm grinding, then she has to as well. We have a college visit next month at Ball State and we need to schedule a couple more. Need to also get her into a SAT prep course. I need an assistant. The kid is ready for her next step. Exciting!! CWUW. I've had major changes in my board which is cool but frustrating. I have to spend thi...

(Trying to get in the mood to work.....) Today I was talking with someone about being yourself. I think that was easier for folks from my generation ( generation x'ers) because it was all about being different. Prince, Boy George, Madonna, etc all trying to establish their own thing. Nowadays, its about looking JUST like the next. But anyway. As a kid, I remember just wanting to be ME. I literally shopped in my parents closet, painted my 4 inch fingernails black, shaved my head or weaved it up....whatever I wanted. I struggled with people who thought I was shy as a teen. I wasn't shy. I was actually goofy but just not around family as much. Family has a way of putting you into a box and its just easier to be there at times. I was developing a self-confidence that sometimes you couldn't easily see. Nonetheless, I was Rhonda. I just did me whatever that meant for the moment. Then I met my ex boyfriend. He was going through some stuff so that meant the ...

I was watching the HBO documentary, "Hard Times at Douglass High" on Monday evening and it truly upset me on so many different levels. As someone who very community minded and believes we are to help one another to achieve our goals, I couldn't believe the lack of resources in the Baltimore school system. Children shouldn't have to share books or wonder if there will be a teacher present on any give day. The "No child left behind" policy doesn't more than leave children behind. Nothing wrong in having standards for schools especially for teachers but solely using quantitative data just doesn't work in the school setting. We have to pay more attention to our children. "Our" meaning the kids down the street, your cousin's kids, the kids in another school district with less resources, etc. Yep, let's be cliche.....Be the village...yanno. At the same time, I'm both an advocate of community involvement but also personal respons...

Tempted to make my passions manifest my imagination becomes my enemy thinking of how I can move my body closer to yours Spirits intertwined blossoming love let me hold back the physical lust that righteously belongs to me Growing in a deeper love that lips, thighs, tongues can't ever know I breathe you I love you inspired by a conversation with a friend today.

Yeah, another Prince discussion. This man has saved my soul through the years. A follow Prince fan always refers to Prince as the ultimate "pimp". He speaks of how smooooooth Prince is lyrically. I came across the video for "If I Was Your Girlfriend," taken from the Sign of the times film. I started gigglin'. Prince IS a pimp. So clever. Witty. Smooth. Just runnin' game but damn, I'd fall for it. The title alone would get me..... IF I WAS UR GIRLFRIEND - PRINCE

November 27, 2007 - Tuesday thirst I single you out of the need to quench that inner desire for more never have you seen such a sight or vision Creatively expressing deeper thoughts unsaid can't verbalize what is moving me to think of visions of perfected beauty dreamed of wished for beggin' for some attention let me leave this for you "my queen" "my love" "my light" One note two note three note four note pulsating blood rushing threw my vein The sunset can't compare....damn...uh... black princess no poetic words come to me desperation feenin" the physical condition resulting from need....... thirst

Let the Sonshine through my soul as the Son provides hope in the dark times when my mind wants only to see negativity Let the Son capture my heart again I smile only at the possibilities of things to come as my present is unclear there is hope Let me push through my confusion and Let the Son nourish my spirit fill me with passion, love and hope show me how to continue to love those who harm my soul and bruise my heart Shine on me Shine on me Shine on me Let the Sonshine 6/8/2008

One of my favorite Prince performances. Just wanted to share. NAACP Awards - Prince

I've been talking with a few friends about plans, mainly planning for the future. I know I'm in planning mode. I have a kid going off to college next year, I have an org I want to kick off, I want to move in a year, I want to get my money right, I want to look for a new gig, etc. etc. etc. Plans surround me. I'm just at a time in my life where spontaneity isn't so spontanteous. Its planned. There's nothing wrong with planning but we also have let God in on the plan as well. We sometimes forget that its really about Him and His plan FOR us. For me, I think God is trying to get me to unplan some things and let him handle it. The moment I started stressing about college and money, BAM, I found out Syd's tuition will be paid for. When I started to plan how and when I would get a car, BAM, here comes a car. CWUW sometimes stresses me out and he keeps reminding that the org isn't about me anyway. Just let it all unfold and happen. Faith without works is...

Let your eyes speak as your words shall not reach me Let your gaze touch the deepest corners of my being as your words hold no real meaning Let the lamp of your soul reveal the true love in your heart as your words are limited by the present circumstance Just look at me.