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the dream

Passionately I strive to capture the vision in my heart
I toil over how and why and when
this labor is long
tiresome some days, I do feel
I seek the seed planted inside of me
I've come to terms that I will walk this path alone
I will find strength within myself
to persevere
hard days do come
but I know that I am strong enough
to carry the weight
I seek this out more than anything
Self motivation is all I have
but there are times when I need to rest
when I just want to lay my head down on
supportive shoulders
and just breathe
My dream will manifest
The plan will come forth
The birth is near

June 6, 2008 - written on my myspace blog.

Ever since I was a little girl, I also had some idea of what I wanted to do or be. It would change but I would be so focused. I wanted to be an optometrist for a few years. I was so intrigued by the workings of the eye. One day, I heard Colette Vaughn on WTLC 105.7 doing her jazz show at 10pm. Her show would start off with a plane taking off. I would listen under my sheets. Her voice was perfection. I wanted to be Colette Vaughn. I listened to the radio as if they were providing me daily lectures. It was heaven.

When I entered the 9th grade, I was able to start working at the high school radio station. Back then, Warren Central only had 10th thru 12th grade. So I started at the high school with a small class of freshmen who were attending the career center. Even though I had NO interest in becoming a writer, I also worked at the high school paper. The station was a working radio station much like WJEL at North Central, a rivial station with a much stronger signal. I had a daily show plus an afternoon show. I was also the traffic director (which has NOTHING to do with cars...for ya'll who are clueless). I was the only on-air personality that didn't have to do a newscast. My advisor thought I was a very strong on-air personality so I didn't have to do a newcast. I LOVED IT!!

My advisor started grooming me for the Indiana Association of School Broadcasters competition. I had to make an audition tape. I actually remember this like it was yesterday. I remember cutting and splicing it. I remember my advisor making me do stuff over and over. It was intense. I entered in the air personality category. I guess I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think I would even place in the prelimaries and yet I did. There were only two females that even made the top 13 (odd number I know but....). I was THIRD. My advisor was hyped. Most of the females were entered into the newcast competition so it was a big deal I made it that far.

You had the choice of running your board or having an engineer. I had the engineer. You had to do intros and outros to ever song and had to read at least one psa. It was a 30 min show. It was INTENSE. My advisor was in and out of that studio letting me know i was doing well but then he hands me a random PSA. I had to read it cold. I stumbled over some words and I was pissed. I had a perfect show but then..... I had to rock the show because I knew there was a biased against us chicks. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... long story short.....I kept my third place standing and I was pleased.

I continued with broadcasting in college. I was the music director for many years but as I was ending my college career, I felt like I've really had a career in broadcasting plus, I had the kid then and I didn't want to stay in Indy. I didn't like this market and still don't. When I moved into retail management, I felt lost because i wasn't driving for something. I remember talking with God about it. I needed more. I couldn't just drift. I'm not a worker bee (as much as I appreciate the worker bee). I really say that with all humility. Its not me. I need to reach and strive and make stuff happen even on a small level.....

I'm learning not to be judgmental with those who are finding their way or who really just want to chill in life. Not everyone wants to kick down the door. At least, though, understand the importance of kicking down the door....yanno. ha We all have our own path, I guess.

The seed in me is ready to be birthed soon. Its so important to have motivated people around me. There are some people you just don't want in the room with you when you're in labor. They need go. They can't watch it happen. Or some think they are being supportive but are just in the way, they just need to sit down and watch. Others can grab a leg and yell and push with you......they get to see it all happen, hold the baby and be a part of its growth.

I'm pushing, pushing and pushing

Find your dream, your voice.....make it happen!!


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