ClevaWords

New Day, Better Day. Yesterday was way too surreal for me to even hold onto. I mean I had to deal with racism, a marriage proposal, angry friends, be the boss, be the employee, deal with money stuff...blah blah blah. It was one of those days when I didn't know if my brain could process everything coming at me. Superwoman - NOT! I mean, I was positive. I was moving forward but I recognized the negativity trying to come at me from ALL sides. Spooky Electric (gigglin') was busy yesterday. I was physically tired from the weekend. I wasn't really mentally ready for the day. It was a perfect time to try to take a punch at me. He may have gotten in a body shot but that's it. He's a loser. The victory is already mine. He such a dummy. Anyway. Be positive. Recognize negativity when it comes your way and deflect it. Have you had your plus sign today!! Positivity - Prince

(sigh) Darkness sometimes just simply provides insight that you're on the right path. It demonstrates its ignorance and even arrogance in trying to ruin something positive, something full of love. Today, Darkness TRIED to creep in. It tried to stop us. It tried to keep us stuck. Darkness is dumb. I'm perfectly fine with closed doors. Its no more than a sign to go in another direction. We move forward. We stay positive. We allow the Light to have its place. We praise the Almighty. We keep it movin'. CWUW.....grindin'.

I spent the weekend with women and you with a group of chicks, the topic of men would come up. No male bashing took place . It was just conversations about our wants and needs and the vicious cycle we all find ourselves in sometimes. "In love with him, not in love with her, I like her but think I love him....." I know the battle of loving someone deeply but knowing you're really not IN love with them. I know what's like to be IN love and not having the same thing reciprocated. I know about feeling lustful desires from someone but holding back. It can all be so frustrating. We all settle on some level. "This is good enough for now." Ugh...... Love in its definition should be easy but it seems so complicated. Yes some of the women were a little bitter and upset with the dating scene. We did talk about body image, color complex issues and interracial dating. It was interesting to listen. All of Us trying to figure out this Love thing. Just thinking ...

Man, I'm tired. The two nights I was in Chicago, we didn't walk in until 4am and probably didn't get to sleep until 5am. My thighs hurt. My feet continue to remind me that they need support. And I had hella fun!! Going to see George Clinton was last minute and I'm sooooooo glad I was there. I walked in cute and left sweaty and FUNKY!! We were literally standing right in front of the stage. Its was madness. My little crew danced and sweated all night. Cool ass night. Sunday night was "Prince Night at Berlin". Berlin is a cool little spot in Chicago that's been hosting these Prince nights for over 12 years. I think every Prince fan I know has been to a Prince night at this club. It was a cool experience that is coming to an end. Nonetheless, to watch never seen videos and hear music you didn't even know existed was PRICELESS. At one point, I just sat in a corner and closed my eyes and listened. I bounced around and did my thing. The crow...

I've been off for the past two days. GREAT!! I needed to get away from the gig but I wasn't resting. I was working on CWU W stuff. We needed to bang out a flyer for our upcoming focus group and I had to get it done. I had a chat with a dude who wants to do a tune for our website, just revamped, a little. Then I get an email from my girl Rashida asking me WTH was I doing. She reminded me the world wasn't gonna end if I just STOPPED and relaxed. Even planning for my weekend in Chicago, my brain is on overdrive. Actually, I'm thinking about school starts for the kid in two weeks...man. That sucks. Yo, wait. I'm relaxing, right. Ok. I'm going to Chi and the kid will hold it down here. Hopefully she'll remember Zeus would like to go for a walk or at least go run at the dog park here in the complex. Sorry Zeus. Mom has to leave ya with ya sis. You'll be fine. Uploaded some tunes on the ipod (thanks Dj Rusty , go get some tunes ya'll). Got my ge...

What is love? Its words unsaid but a glance and a smile What is love? Its the bird on my windowsill assured I will cause him no harm letting natures beauty take center stage What is love? Its when daydreams, rainbows,and fairy tales come alive with just the whisper of your name What is love? Its when your smile is all I need to know everything will be alright What is love? Its when desire meets passion for the first time and kisses lust tenderly What is love? Its the moment you've realized your soul no longer needs to look for its mate What is love? Its you and me becoming one July 25, 2008 Inspired by Love and how great it feels when you're REALLY in love and its mutual.

Anticipating your arrival .. ready to partake, ready to release, and ready to take in all of you playing games of control passion fire sweat lust profanity giving it and taking it Oh…wait…the neighbors Let them enjoy sounds…. animalistic and driven pulling choking licking moving thriving Expressing my sexual power and you being energized by my every movement Challenging me to release HER – which I've tucked away Scared she may gain control; she may become too much apart of me, of how I see myself to be From the couch to the floor kissing feeling moaning screaming Each movement builds Each movement in harmony Our bodies playing this song, a song I haven't heard in a long time You aren't mine and I'm not yours Unattached in Love Connected in lust June 27, 2007

We are reflections of our desires we pull in move toward the very thing we want we need feel no pain feel no guilt for wanting what you want We are reflections of our hearts love passions flow without thought desires appear without effort but souls long to connect with like souls We are reflections of each other timing is perfect even though outcomes seem contrary to the longing Reflections, mirrors, love and longing allowing life to maneuver, twist and turn so that it manifests in its proper form I am your reflection February 23, 2008

loving the moment you first said hello memories abound in precious thoughts possibilities of worldly connection loving the moment you first looked in my eyes and smiled my heart loudly roars, letting me know that you touch me deeply loving the moment you said I touch your heart and you think about me I'm loving the moment I knew I loved you. February 23, 2008

Passionately I strive to capture the vision in my heart I toil over how and why and when this labor is long tiresome some days, I do feel I seek the seed planted inside of me I've come to terms that I will walk this path alone I will find strength within myself to persevere hard days do come but I know that I am strong enough to carry the weight I seek this out more than anything Self motivation is all I have but there are times when I need to rest when I just want to lay my head down on supportive shoulders and just breathe My dream will manifest The plan will come forth The birth is near June 6, 2008 - written on my myspace blog. Ever since I was a little girl, I also had some idea of what I wanted to do or be. It would change but I would be so focused. I wanted to be an optometrist for a few years. I was so intrigued by the workings of the eye. One day, I heard Colette Vaughn on WTLC 105.7 doing her jazz show at 10pm. Her show would start off with a plane taking off. I woul...

Generally, I'm good. I'm happy. I do have my frustrating moments (as written here in this blog) and yes, I need to make more money but I'm good. Everyday, I face what comes at me and fight for peace and positivity but people get confused with that attitude. We all talk about wanting to be happy but when some can feel that another person is genuinely happy, they are dumbfounded. In the past week I've had folks say, "Wow, you are really happy" or "I can tell you're happy". At they say it with confusion. I learned the secret awhile ago. There's nothing wrong with being displeased about a situation but the goal is to move past the negative feelings into some solution. How do I make this better? I also realize that so many situations have been learning experiences. I understand God's hand in it all. So I look to the heavens to figure it out. You can actually hear me say, "Ok what am I suppose to learn or get from this?" F...

Lizz Wright is fast becoming one of my favs. Just listen.

Neva a backroom lover Proudly I swag your way into the room attention and eyes and whispers poetically move in her direction holding tightly to their men watching to see if they are watching her jealousy reigns creative words become her new tag Who's the Bitch? Who's the Hoe? Desired in quiet thoughts deep dreams and passionate moments Loudly, my heart trembles in your presence Her stride, like a gazelle Ms Cool, if you please Neva a backroom lover Can't contain this vision for private moments They call her Queen They call her Goddess Like a caged animal in a daze trapped My lioness My one desire is to be her prey Intelligence surrounds momentary conversations given with smiles and wide eyes Humorous and wise confident and humble her glow is Godly my lust sinful She is positivity She is love Neva a backroom lover Can't be contained to secrecy Passion, love, lust, truth, desire can be her name a young boy's fantasy a grown man's dream Envious of the Lion who can ...

Ohio Players drippin' honey little honey bee honey be me me to you lickin' honey off the tree buzzin' I be me and this tree lickin' honey not you but me sticky sticky this tree be me be done buzzin' away cuz I's be free a busy little bee onto the next tree Honey - The Ohio Players July 22, 2008, Inspired by over active imagination and the smile it brings......

Its that great time of the month and I'm eating like I'm expecting twins. I just over ate. To be honest, I don't know if I've really over eaten or if there's just a point when I want to purge. I'm there. This reminds of a co-worker who told me that he couldn't be around razors because it made him want to use. I want to just get rid of the food but its like my body wants to do it more that me. Note: I'm in a good mood. Life couldn't be better. This isn't about where I'm at emotionally but about triggers. I'm learning to deal with them. This is what my mind is saying to me: Just get rid of the food and you'll feel better, you won't feel full and you won't digest what you just ate thus you won't gain weight. My mind is tripping. All of that is going on and yet, I'm sane. I refuse to purge and I will quietly meditate through this feeling. I'm walking through my healing which is a great feeling. Being ashamed...

I wake from my slumber my nakedness before me as I listen to each drop of rain touch the ground as for the first time I close my eyes and listen thundering sounds fill my ears as nature speaks to creation "I am here!" With my window, slightly open I feel the night time air roll over my skin Inhale Exhale connecting with the darkness rain thunder I close my eyes and return to slumber. July 22, 2008 1:53am.

Live Life Well I Believe (2-Track) - Mudkids CWUW Website CWUW on myspace CWUW blog

Sydney and her cousin at prom "Ma" you scream from the next room this lets me know you have something to say I just laugh but ignore you just to hear you say "Ma" again What kid What is it now always a question nothing has changed since your first words "Ma, does this look good?" valuing my taste, my opinion most mothers would be so envious Jokingly, I call her a hooch I tell her the shorts are too tight I tell her she needs a tan, you yella chick she then screams "MAAAA" I laugh again "Ya look cute!" I get a smile and more chatter another cell phone gone she tells me That makes 4-5 phones in 6 months The resourceful kid tells me "Ma, I can get a blackberry pearl for $50." I just smile "then get it!" I say Anxiously, she tells me that its time for mother-daughter pics I frown and say "Are you crazy?!" my psychosis finds its way into the sweetest of places The kid demands this must and will occur and she is ...

Pouring you into my existence wrapped you in light and love part time half time maybe sometime you are mine miles away you've lived a new life here I remain holding it down making it happen for the possibility of your return to love me fully completely wholly Spoke with you yesterday No word today no promise of tomorrow half of you I don't have maybe even sharing quarter of you with another loving you is allowed only part time where's the half the makes me whole july 19

I stand before the second half of my life with all the doors wide open as God says that he will provide I smile and stand in confidence of this new day What if Mom still smiled and laughed loudly and loved me and provided hugs everyday What if I was never embattled with evil from the Demon Center attempting to harm me and the women I touched What if me and the kid never knew hunger, never knew what it was like to have no phone, no car, no home, sometimes, the feeling of having no family What if I never learned to trust God with my life, with just breathing Would I see the horizon Would I see this new day, in all of its beauty and possibilities Would I know that all hope lies with Him Thank you mom for letting go of this life, a life you loved, so I could be free Thank you Demon Center for letting me go, pushing me away so I could fly Thank you hunger and strife for letting me move from being empathy to having a sympathetic spirit, so I could truly understand Let me see the wondrous t...

Possibilities open doors hope new horizons allows me to smile thinking, thinking, thinking what if, what if, what if rainbows remind me of promises from above the sun, no more than promises possibilities open doors hope new horizons July 19, 2008 Inspired by the smile of my kid and the future ClevaWords

The awesomeness of God, my father, is something I can't deny. I'm a Christian, a follower of Christ. Humbly, I stand before my father and kneel but I am a god. I understand this concept when so many Christians are scared to say it. I am the image of Him. By His power and might, I can do all things. In all of my enlightenment, I remain true to this path to righteousness. I'll continue to read about kemetic religions, islam, and eastern philosophies and even apply some various spiritual principles in my life but Christ is Lord. It troubles some of my peeps how have moved away from Christianity to embrace other paths of faith. I'm pleased with the few that have supported my path and journey by inspiring me to study deeply about the Essenes, Gnostics, Christian Mysticism and more. I love Yeshua. He can't be denied by me.

Whimsically I begin to paint with such artistry In awe, you stand watching as I add reds and blues yellows and oranges not knowing you are my muse Seductively, I begin to dance no music you can hear and yet touching your soul My body twists and turns seamless movements speaks of love a sound only you can hear Creatively, I begin to write words leap to life with truths unsaid but felt a poet inspired by energy a reflection of what is real passions you can feel Expressively, I begin to sing with my soul meshing with song vibrations producing positivity a smile touches your face understanding my love is real never walking away from the chorus of your heart Who Am I? July 17, 2008 inspired by Emmanuel ClevaWords

Yesterday, I was bitching and complaining to friends about being overwhelmed. I get tired of handling stuff. My biggest thing is that I need a new gig. Question: Do I get the high powered executive gig and run some stuff and make the money or do I get a gig that pays enough to take care of me and the kid so that I can have time to do CWUW and other stuff I want to do? I had a bunch of stuff going through my brain and I sat and gave Rashida an ear Full. She just looked at me like, "Rhonda, shut up!" LOL Well, today, God just said shut up and chill or something close to it. Let it all happen. I'm letting it happen. Negativity will have to stay away. I see it knocking at my door, looking in the window and it thinks I can't see it but I see ya ass. Stay away. Rhon is rolling. I may have my moments but I'm rolling. This week, I've really been looking at my community A LOT. I think what my problem is on some level is that I've been so much about RH...

I've never really liked living here in Indy. When I was young, my goal was to leave immediately. I wanted to be a broadcaster and I didn't like this market at all. I saw then that Indianapolis was missing something. When I had Sydney, I knew I needed to stay here. I was 22, still had another semester of school to finish and no money. I had to make the best of the city. During my 20's I was able to get out and about somewhat and enjoy some of the activities of the city. I also realized quickly that Indy is a GREAT place for children. There's always various activities for your children. Me and Syd would go all over the place. Its probably why she's always on the move still. But something is really wrong.... What I've learned is that Indy does have a lot to offer but its the mentality of the people that's frustrating. You hear people say things like, "Indy never has anything going on." When things are going on, no one shows up. You really see it with ...

Do you ever just wanna be bad? I mean do everything your heart desires because we all know our hearts sometimes desires things that are naughty, a little immoral and could make your burn in h-e-hockey stick, hockey stick . There are so many lines I could cross and could have so much fun being and living in the moment but that damn sense of responsibility and having a clear understanding of why delaying gratification is a good thing. But damn. I guess when you act IN your maturity, you can see outcomes. Being the good girl is hard at times. I'm a predator on some levels. I watch my prey closely and pick the right opportunity to pounce. The seductress needs to seduce but if you open the can of worms, its very difficult trying to get those worms back into the can. There are opportunities around me all the time. I love men but ya'll do make it easy. I can never understand a woman who is clueless on how to seduce a man. Men tell it. Today's woman think its physical....

The ignorance continues....color complex. Yung Berg comes out of his face to disrespect darker skinned black women. Nothing really new. Some want to brush it off as some young idiot but on the real, we've never gotta away from it. Sad. There are black men who will tell me that I'm pretty to be so dark OR that they aren't into darker skinned women but they could get into me. Believe me, this has occurred recently. We know why this occurs. Question: when will it change? Nothing wrong with have a preference. Its natural but how do you consider your mothers, sisters, cousins and aunts unattractive because of some pigmentation and hair texture? I have this issue very close to me in my family and its really sad. Lighter is better, cuter. If you're attractive and darker, you're a fluke, a freak of nature. It really does break my heart. I'm raising an attractive lighter skinned black young woman who is well aware of young men who holla at her because she'...

YAY for Rhon!! I have NO idea what I weigh and I'm not about to kill anyone...YAY!! Humanity is safe. :) I've had NO episodes either. No purging at all. I'm still under-eating, I think but I'm working on it. As I'm regaining a sense of self, I'm regaining a better hold of this issue. I can safely say that my eating issues really kicked in during my parents divorce. Who said that divorce isn't hard when you're adult was a liar. They went through their thing and I don't blame them for what I was doing. I was just coping. Its never been consistent. Up and down. There were years when I didn't even think about it and others when it was like air, I needed it. Enough of that stuff. I'm really moving to a place of healing. With all humility, I really learning to embrace the goodness in me. I give Honor to God for it but I'm learning to not look the other way when someone offers a compliment. I really just want to be a reflection of t...

Sensuality is me Black chocolaty deliciousness Woman enough not to pimp my own sexuality Divine, beautiful and bold Shame you ain't seen nothing this sexy Maybe if you're lucky, ya next woman will be a package, high price both lustful and lovely given from the heart and between well you know You smile at the sight of me You moan at the thought of me Yeah, maybe if you're lucky , ya next woman will be as fly as me Sweet as a honey bee Regal as a queen If you get a peek, then you know You've been chosen You didn't choose Gap toothed sex appeal Curvaceous Tatted, pierced Diva Maybe if you're lucky, ya next woman will tempted your imagination make you rise with only a suggestion I define womanhood and still embrace my girly wiles Gigglin', smilin' cuz life is good Maybe if you're lucky, ya next woman will be me BOOTY - erykah badu

I love the concept of these covers. Indeed, I celebrate my brothers. I love black men. I LOVE black men. I support you, admire you, and long for you. I wish ya'll loved us in the same manner. Other blog...yeah..I know. Black Coolness in full effect. Listed in no particular order..... Footprints - Miles Davis

Life is getting better and better. Finding ways to create positive vibes around me at all times and KEEPING life positive is becoming easier and easier. Our perception of situations, people, and life can be so off base at times that we make moves purely on emotion and not on reality and creating negativity when there doesn't need to be any. You may have eyes but may not be able to see....ya heard. For me, its all about keeping things positive and on the RIGHT track even if emotionally, I feel differently. I need to keep the positive vibes flowing my way. Thank goodness also for maturity. Maturity lets you just step back and take a different view of every situation and make Positive decisions. Where is all this coming from? There were a couple of things that occurred on my WONDERFUL night out that made me thankful for peace and a willingness for always being on the right side of the game or at least making the attempt to be anyway. I do fall short at times. Some of my frien...