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Pit Bull

Do you ever wonder if a pit bull sometimes doesn't wanna be a pit bull? Maybe he wants to be a happy little dog that runs and jumps and plays and likes to get his belly rubbed. Maybe he just wants to sleep in the corner all day and be lazy.

But when people see a pit bull, they see viciousness. They see a dog that can't be loved. They see a fighter.

The pit bull just wants to be a dog.

Today I was talking with a friend about stuff, my stuff. I was telling him about stuff going on with CWUW and just all the stuff I have going on that's actually stressing me out. He's response to me was, "You'll handle it. That's your gift. You handle stuff."

WTF does that mean?

Well, I know what it means. Rhonda has a cape and her magic lasso.

This blog has been written before. I've not learned the lesson cuz here I am again. Back out. Tired. Stressed and yet, I have to be strong, right? Fuck that. I'm not going to kill myself trying to be the pit bull because that's what the world wants me to be or has pegged me to be. I built to last but damn, I'm sure the energizer bunny takes a damn break.

I say, let the pit bull be. Maybe it has ability to be more vicious but maybe it has the ability to be loving. I can take a hit. I can take a lot and stand strong through adversity. It IS a gift but damn, even a gift can be abused. I think I abuse it. I allow myself to be the pit bull. Its really getting to the point where I just can't do it anymore. I have to really think about prioritizing.

My daughter said something to me tonight that was so profound and yet so simple. We were talking about her car and all that work it needs. I said, "Dang, just one more thing on the list." Syd quickly said, "It doesn't have to be mom unless you make it." I got it.

I got it.

Tonight I've decided I need to just cry. Not out of sadness. Not out of a lack of Hope or Faith. I'm just tired.


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