A few weeks ago, I blogged about people keeping you in a box and then ascribing labels and meanings to who you are. I spoke of how much I hated it but then, today, I was looking at pictures of "Vanity". She also has been someone I've blogged about admiring. The "character" of "Vanity" is something use to connect to so deeply. I felt that her sexuality was her power as if she was some superhero able to destroy men with her wiles and sensual ways. I loved that. For years, I've spoken of my connection to this persona, "Vanity"- even today giving homage.
Something - that something being God said to go to Denise Matthew's facebook page and look around. So I did. We all know she's now an evangelist, so what was I looking for exactly? I went to her website for her upcoming book, "Blame it on Vanity". A very well done website that had me a little captivated. Denise is not longer in the "Vanity" box we still try to put her in. That life, that time wasn't what it seemed. She is Denise, a child of God. She is a woman that has overcome drug addiction and kidney failure. She has freed herself from the box but then, why do I still need her there? That's the only way I can look at it. The character of Vanity holds something endearing to me that may not be healthy. Hmmmmm.....on Denise's website she puts the definition up for "Vanity"
It reads:
any thing or act that is vain, futile, idle, or worthless
So if words have power, imagine calling yourself, "
Worthless" daily.
Do I see myself as worthless? No but I remember having a need for sexual power. I remember seeing it as some very crucial thing to have and to use it in very strategic ways. It was probably at a time when I connected most to this character named "Vanity". All of this is reflection and some revelation. Maybe God wants me to see that I've changed as well. I'm no longer the character I've created in my head and to remember this wonderful, focused, faithful Rhonda of today. I'm not in my box. I'm free. I need to free Denise in some ways. So many reject her wanting to be away from that persona because of the memories they've had. As I want freedom, at its most basic levels, I must respect the freedom of others to evolve and grow as they chose, even a celebrity I may never meet. She has written a book about her freedom, "Blame it on Vanity".
God is amazing how he will speak to your soul. Blame it On Love.
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