Its father's day. We see celebrations of relationships between child and father happening on this day. Ties given, dinners being cooked, and cards being sent.....this is the tradition. Its an interesting day. My daughter doesn't acknowledge the day. It has no meaning. She has no relationship with her father and its so unfortunate. For me, its surreal. I was raised with my father but I can't say I really KNOW him.
It was an odd household to be raised in. My mother was very
active. Dad was the opposite and it was push and pull for me and my brother. We always wanted dad to be more like mom. Her energy was intoxicating but it wasn't fair for us to expect that from him. At the same time, we needed dad to be supportive. We needed hugs and kisses from him. We needed conversations about womanhood and manhood. We needed him to lead when mom couldn't. We needed for him to be faithful to her. He didn't do those things.
I was never "daddy's little girl". I don't know what that is like and I can tell you it makes a difference. I have no expectations in relationships to be deemed "special". Not to say that I don't expect to be loved but that's different than being treated in a special way. One of those THERAPY NEEDED moments. I can say that I am my father's daughter. I'm protective of my dad. I've defended him in arguments with my mom and brother. I believe there things about my father's upbringing that didn't allow him to be emotional or even learn to do that. I know my dad loves me and for me, at 42, that's enough. I don't need any apologies for my childhood. I've decided that dad is who he is and I deal with him on that level. I appreciate him stepping up to help after mom passed away. He's been helpful with Syd. He loves his granddaughter and she loves her Papa.
So I hold no anger or bitterness towards my father. I love him very much. I am a part of him. I have similar characteristics. He is my dad.
Happy Father's Day.