ClevaWords

Fucked up....complicated mindset confusion of love and love and love how blessed to be overly loved?  God gives you LOVE....dripping and pouring and falling out of every way.....and yet there is confusion? walk away then and do no harm. the excess love needs to remain behind. can't go with you. as soon as the words were said, the test was given and you failed me.   I looked for the simplest concern for me.  none was given. you deserve none in return. Give. Stop taking.

I just got hit with it. I just saw it. Bullshit flung my way. Steady as she goes. I saw it. I felt it. I hate it. SELFISH. Save yourself. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. [calculator please] Add another one another selfish muthafucka [smirk] I walk now.  I walk far away now. I saw it.  Just as a vision. Bullshit me. You lack. You lie. You want. You need. [plus sign, equal sign] All things come to the light. Who picks up the flashlight? Just saw it.  Ignorance rests its head in bliss so it can’t see that its ignorant. God heals. He will finish this. pihsdneirf [and scene]

I imagine a partner in crime. I don't think in terms of power couple but a couple of power minds....melding.  I have my purpose.  You have yours. I take time to help you develop, process, your vision. You keep me balanced so I can complete mine.  Two visions, one legacy. My love takes care of all things me. He is proud to stay in the shadow as I cast a light.  His passion is the fuel to his talent. I'm the hype (wo)man, letting the world know, He is here, He is ready. God has touched is heart with a road map to giving the us all love through.....everything he does. Super heroes. Unmatched in passion, purpose...and love. Some corny ass shit but so what....

All of my life my mom was a serious Coke drinker.  She could easily beat that stupid Pepsi challenge. If she came to your home, even for a short visit, she would have two things with her: a liter of Coke and her green cup. This Green Cup was the holy grail to us kids.  For some reason,  didn't taste the same unless we took a sip out of it.  It was grimy.  Without shame, mom washed the cup probably only once per week.  She said it was her cup and that she had to let the Coke set in it.  And we didn't care.  From my generation to the next, we felt it was an honor when mom, Grandest, or Aunt Charlotte would say, "Go fill up my cup!"   All that meant was - WE DRINKING SOME COKE FROM THE CUP .   ignore the lack of dusting. :/ Mom knew.  She would joke and say, "You didn't drink any did you?" Every kid would swear they didn't but we all new - we couldn't resist.  So where is the infamous Green Cup today?  ...

My heart . I have so many writings and blogs that start with just those words. Its the most guarded place of my soul. Its is my sensitive spot, my Achilles heel. My mother said its a curse and warned me that the Owens women loved hard and I'm truly cut from that cloth. I have both fear and a longing for love but I've been trapped in my mind, I think.  I've had some very hurtful and damaging relationships with infidelity being the main issue. Rejection fills my heart. [sucks] I fear being hurt again.  I give so much of me in a relationship. I'm a partner. I'm present. I'm the buddy. I'm the lover. I get hurt.  Oddly enough, I've had apologies from every man that has hurt me. All have said that I was so present for them and they didn't know what to do.  Its not that I'm unforgiving but....so what?  The apologies are for them.  I've had to forgive without having the apologies so they come bittersweet at times.  With each apology, I get the ...

I had a good day. I had a bad day.  The bad part of the really shook my spirit and I couldn't really process it the way I wanted to and needed to do. I needed an ear of someone uninvolved, of someone who cares enough just to let off steam, and someone who can calm my spirit. I'm really only going to say how I felt but not the situation.  I've never been so disrespected by someone I've done so much for. That disrespect even sadden some of my staff members.  I don't want to hurt anyone for any reason.  I try my best to really help any way I can but I know that comes with a price at times. I guess, I'm feeling unappreciated as well. I think many times I walk around silent because "strength" is the armor I'm suppose to wear 24/7. When I'm upset, I feel badly for feeling upset.  I'm not a robot. Today, I could have physical hurt another person. I was that upset. I could have unleashed all of the 'secrets' I know and could have destro...

I never really have bought into the " Alpha Female " stereotype too much but its something I've been called at lot and I have to admit to seeing the fight for the alpha position without me agreeing to the "competition".  I know I have an perceived confidence.  I don't back away from my opinion. I have a point of view of life and who I am.  I stand . I have an expectation or maybe an assumption that this is how everyone is inherently. I know that's a little naive to think but when I meet a person, I assume they have a point of view as I do and I expect them to express it and defend it as I do.   Some do and many don't. I find those who really fake at a point of view, who believe their opinion gives them a position over the next have the most issues with others -  who are ok with their take on things and who aren't shook by another persons POV.  They want to be the loudest .  They want their ideas to be embraced.  If we are thinking about ...

I believe in seduction. I believe there's an art to it and I believe that art is lost. Seduction doesn't involve nakedness. It doesn't involve explicit word play [well sometimes].  Its simpler.  http://saddikhaliphoto.com / Its the way I look at you.  The way I smile at you. The way I purposely move in front of you. and you know its all for you. Sex isn't the primary goal.  Its the mind [fuck] that is.  I want you to remember, hope, and dream about me. Sex is easy. Too easy nowadays. Using my feminine wiles to just remain on the mind of someone who has crossed my path, and in my scope.  Seducing me doesn't mean sexing me.  Clothed. Eye contact. A smile. A simple word play. Seduction. [art of]

Finding me-ness that's not connected to you-ness is difficult for me to do. Its one of those revelation moments in the year of me.  Still looking to figure out how to function without feeling the need to serve someone else and their needs. Still trying not to fix everything.  Still trying to have regular ole fun.  This year....me-ness is still the focus.

its just all a mystery my thoughts twirling around seeing the world move, trying not to let my mind go but there is you. The eye of my self-imposed hurricane whipping up insecurities I buried in the abyss finding their way to the surface, exposed again but there is you. how do you walk away from a loving friendship with its own codes and secrets knowing I can be your savior and your curse power I would freely give away just to be openly the blessed gift bestowed, but there is you.

People hurt each other. I've been hurt recently. Not a debilitating hurt but just my feelings were shook. My brain was uneasy. My heart hurt a little bit. Let me say though that in my hurt I feel empowered knowing how and what I could do to seek my revenge.   Funky huh? It would be simple but you can't do that to people no matter what they've to you directly or indirectly through their deeds or words. Be thankful I'm not that chick.

The running joke with two of my co-workers is how "cute" they are. They talk about being in the "cute club" and how the world just knows they are cute and they just live accordingly. I always just laugh, knowing they are very serious about their cuteness.  They told me that I couldn't be a part of the their club because I'm not cute.  They told me not to be sad. I just needed to find the "sexy" club. They then told me how they were not sexy and how they are ok with it. I was told I needed to own my "sexiness" as they have own their cuteness.  Sounds really goofy to even say. I'm sexy. [shutters] There is no exaggeration in that story.  This is my life with my co-workers and I love them for their "cute club".  I was a little jealous of their freedom. They aren't conceited people but they are confident in their cuteness whereas this sexy label seemed more like a haunting from some ghost that wants to me learn some lesso...

  My road with the Spiritual has been very interesting. I believe wholeheartedly when I was little that negativity, evil, the demonic, or whatever you want or need to call it, what's too pleased about my existence. At 6 weeks old, my other woke smoldering smoke and a hole by my head. Instead of the fire spreading outwardly, in went downward, causing me no harm. Thank you, God . When I was 4, I was hit by an ice cream truck. No harm. Nothing was broken. Once again at my aunts, I was hit by a car. Only my leg was broken. [My aunt was a horrible babysitter.] Thank you, God . At 6 years old, I was eating a hot dog and I began to choke. I was choking in such a way that I made no sound so my mother who was there washing dishes couldn't immediately. She just happened to turn around and began to beat the crap out of my back. Thank you, God . It then gets WEIRD. My spiritual "connections" became more direct. At about 10 years old, I was in my room asleep and I...

I live in Indiana. The defunding of Planned Parenthood directly effects me and my community and yet, the people are silent and most importantly, women are silent.  Stop just "liking" statuses or retweeting a 140 character protest rant.  Get involved to save your communities.  We need to be rallying around Planned Parenthood and other women serving orgs who allow women to make healthy decisions about their reproductive health. Indiana isn't the only state seeking to defund Planned Parenthood.  Its coming to a state near you.  Its men making decisions about the health and well-being of women and our right to choose and I'm not talking about abortion but where we want to receive our healthcare services.  Many women see their primary care physicians at a Planned Parenthood clinic.  The law signed by Mitch Daniels is illegal.  We, the people, need to make our voices heard.  Women, fight for your rights.  This is about you.  Its not abo...

August 17, 2007 - Friday Simply in love with the essence of you I'm consumed with the possibilities of forever and the certainties of today Heated passions, common ground are shared without strife, moving us into another level, another vibe, another thing Nameless it remains as we find peace in this nameless connection Simply in love with the way it is, the way its done and the way .....the way....the way Touches unlock hidden secrets, confessions are made about pasts loves and hurts and leading us to lay down, lay down those things that hinder us from feeling this Simply in love a with friendship that defies reason, space and time just simply in love and its ok..... simply in love with you

"Bitches hella bitter they got those abortions today because, all the other hoes bitches gettin' mothers day attention..."   I read this today on twitter. It really bothered me.  It bothered me because it was tweeted and then retweeted.  When questioned about the RT, the person said, "Ive seen this with my own eyes". My reply...so what?  When do we take responsibility for what we co-sign for.  We now think our "truth" out weighs decency and respect.  I don't care about how Hip Hop uses the terms bitch and hoe. We need to stop with the accuses for our bullshit.  Not only is the woman who had the abortion  a bitch and a hoe but the woman who is being honored.  We all are just Bitches and Hoes and this is truth. I guess.... Happy Mother's Day! 

Erykah Badu Performs At Coachella

I've always been very transparent with where I am in life whether it be good or bad. At times, this transparency brings about comments that have some level of pity or some who what to save me from me. I'm free. This blog is freedom.  I share to connect with others going through similar feelings and who are too afraid to open up.   There's freedom behind every word even if my words scream of despair, fear, or confusion. I'm able to speak those fears openly because I'm seeking truth for myself.  I'm seeking the answer.  I'm seeking healing. I know those things won't ever come with silence.  My 20lbs blog wasn't about sadness but reflection of a moment and a how I need to address me and my NOW.  Clevawords....is my truth, my honesty, my freedom. the journey continues.....

At the beginning of fall, I was pumped and ready to take control, fully, of my body. For many years, I've battled having a eating disorder that had me so in its control that sometimes even looking in the mirror was a horrific experience.  I still have a phobia of having my picture taking. [may the truth set me free...].  During the summer, I had started a routine of working out that had me prepped for P90x.  My mind was ready.  I started my routine and went 13 days and BAM.....repeated sicknesses, mainly respiratory issues.  I couldn't breathe well from my right lung, I felt tired and worn out. Sick. Why was my immune system so compromised?  STRESS.   I was allowing LIFE to take over me, to control me.  I behaved as if I had to just obey whatever situation that popped up, I had to obey whatever work that was thrown my way.  I was killing myself. So, I was sick off and on for 3 months.  During these months, I gained 20lbs.  I was...