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I wanna do what I wanna do.....



The battle of faith and patience is our own desires at times. We want to either rush the process or ignore it all together. I've witnessed people who have chosen to ignore what they KNOW God has for them or wants them to do simply because they just don't want to do it. Sometimes their feelings, emotions, etc cloud their obedience. God knows best. He knows the best job for you. He knows how to help your (his) child get through a tough time. He knows your "perfect" mate. He KNOWS. We are promised the desires of our hearts so God isn't going to provide you with things you don't want but there are times when it is all about what you need.

I've seen people try so hard to be disobedient that its scary. They wanna do what they wanna do. Free will. Go for it. I'm tied to the Universe, the Divine, God, Yeshua.....I'm obedient but I'm very impatient. I'm ready to move once I get the charge, the word....let's go do this. So I get frustrated with the process. I get frustrated with sitting around and waiting. If I'm suppose to do something, I'm ready to go. I hate waiting around; waiting for "It" to happen. Ugh. Its annoying but God is teaching me patience and to ENJOY life. I can tell the train is purposely slow so that I can embrace the journey.

Of course, I'm motivated by the world around me, its my muse so to speak and I watched a friend battle with obedience yesterday. Obedience won but it was a fight. So just do what you're suppose to do when you know your spirit calls you for a purpose or journey. Don't waste your time and God's time on getting you out of something you shouldn't have been doing in the first place. You see this with relationships so much (talkin' about me). I KNEW I shouldn't have been in a relationship with my ex. I think it was one of those times I can say that I heard God actually say, "NO". But did it anyway and YIKES.....the clean up is still in full effect. My battle was that I felt I loved him, and I can honestly say I did BUT we were always better friends than so -called lovers. We were awful in a relationship but fun and happy as buddies. We never listened to what we were clearly being told. There were days when I felt confused. I knew I loved him but I also knew this was somehow, wrong. We messed up what was supposed to be a very strong friendship trying to be something else.

We know when we are operating outside of obedience or that we need to listen intently. Our spirits let us know instantly. We get uncomfortable (Like I am now at the gig...time to go), we feel unfulfilled, and sometimes, I feel ill. God is with us, in us, around us......not somewhere else. When we are off the mark, we are no longer reflections of Him and you feel it, well, at least I do. We just have to be faithful that He will provide the career of our dreams, our children will be healthy and happy, we will find the love meant for us, etc. etc. etc.

Heed to your spirit.
Listen to God.
Love yourself.
Serve one another.



a song mom played almost every sunday.....
It Dont Cost Very Much - Mahalia Jackson

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.