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Finally getting some rest.....and then....




Some of you many know, I'm learning how to REST again, mind, body, and spirit literally. Last night, I lay down and I actually sleep. I didn't wake up a bunch of times. I was peaceful. I could have been the rain. I LOVE the rain. Its so calming to me. I actually get happy when I know its going to rain. Weird but true.

I'm sleeping but then my mind starts in. I can feel myself thinking about stuff I need to do. UGHHHHHHHHH

I fight it.

I then start thinking about certain people in my cipher and wondering...WHY ARE YOU THERE? but....

I fight it.

Then I feel like something or someone is playing with my feet. I know that sounds weird BUT I am someone that believes spirits do that stuff. I get pissed off and still slightly asleep, I yell, "Leave my feet alone and go away." I try to go back to sleep and I do but now I'm pissy.

When I finally get up, I wake up in a mood. Not necessarily bad but definitely moody. I'm thinking about things, people and stuff I need to rid myself of, I'm looking at Zeus (the dog) as if he did something. He just walked in his crate and sits down like, "That chick is buggin'". I think I woke up a little paranoid. I'm really questioning folks motives. Why are you in my world? What do you REALLY want from me? Are you true? Why do I want YOU in my world?

(sigh)

This is all just moving me towards starting yoga, FINALLY. I need to connect my mind, body and spirit cuz they are all working on their own right now. I know that REST and SLEEP are vital to being healthy and I'm so unhealthy right now because I can't seem to get either one.

I'll try again tonight.

(sigh)

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.