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At the beginning of fall, I was pumped and ready to take control, fully, of my body. For many years, I've battled having a eating disorder that had me so in its control that sometimes even looking in the mirror was a horrific experience.  I still have a phobia of having my picture taking. [may the truth set me free...].  During the summer, I had started a routine of working out that had me prepped for P90x.  My mind was ready.  I started my routine and went 13 days and BAM.....repeated sicknesses, mainly respiratory issues.  I couldn't breathe well from my right lung, I felt tired and worn out. Sick. Why was my immune system so compromised?  STRESS.   I was allowing LIFE to take over me, to control me.  I behaved as if I had to just obey whatever situation that popped up, I had to obey whatever work that was thrown my way.  I was killing myself. So, I was sick off and on for 3 months.  During these months, I gained 20lbs.  I was...

In the past few months, I've had some really weird online tension with someone who I actually admire very much but we don't see to click online. I've had many online discussions, arguments even and never have I had someone misread what I've said and my intentions to this degree.  I don't want to diagnose the issue because I don't really understand it.  I think from the outside it would look very childish and as if two head strong fools are trying to out "brain" each other.  We've played all of the childhood games - unfollow, block, delete, blah, blah, blah....yeah, I've participated but I was pissed and this person made me mad....and....and (pouts).  Ok. I know....childish but still (giggles). This past week I returned to working with the girls I had been doing a group with for the past year. I now have assistance so I can do another things.  My first day back, there was tension in the room.  Two of the girls were beefing.  We really couldn...

In 1995, it was the first time I volunteered at an AIDS service organization (ASO) and in 2011, I'm still working at an ASO.  Most of those years, I was directing my efforts towards working with women to reduce OUR risk of HIV.  I love working with women but the health disparities facing black women made the work even harder.  Our attitudes towards our bodies, our lives was and is our barrier to living healthy. We have to first agree to take responsibility for our choices. Forget the so called down low brother. Forget blaming others for our own actions.  I've come across many women who stayed in relationships when they knew their partner was cheating. I've come across many women who don't talk about condom use with their partner. I've come across many women who won't get tested for HIV and other STIs.  At some point, we have to look into the mirror and agree that our bodies, our lives are valuable and we need to take care of ourselves. It should be said that...

Have you ever examined why a situation doesn't occur the way you've planned or even prayed for it to happen?   Your friends and family will quote every scripture or religious text they know.  You believe it. God will give me the desires of my heart.  Stand on that Word.... screams .....Hallelujah! God?  What do you think? crickets I remember praying hard for someone who desired something with all of his heart.  I believed that it would happen but it didn't.   I felt for him but turned to God to show me why didn't it happen. A few months later, a situation occurred where I experienced some behavior that made me realize why God said "No!" to this person.  I'm like.....oh THAT's why you didn't get that blessing.  Good move O.G.   In my Christian yet very metaphysical mind, I do believe that we can create our existence through our actions.  Faith without works is dead.  We must move towards the blessing but we ...

The most frustrating time you will have with a person is trying to make the peg fit into the circle instead of getting out of self and enjoying the peg and forget about any circle. When we're seeking something, when we're in need of some sort of assurance, we don't allow people to be themselves but who we want them to be for our benefit. That causes nothing but frustration. You miss out. You lose.

there are moments when my mind loses its way. there are moments when a slow hand, warm heart, and divine love are the rhythm of my soul. there are moments when your lips become salvation. I say amen. I say ashe.

WHAT IS YOUR REVOLUTION?   What is your plan to make your family, community, nation, and world a better place?  No more couch revolutionaries needed. No more talk. Its time to reclaim our place and our future.  WHAT IS YOUR REVOLUTION? No need to join any organization. Start with yourself. Start with being HEALTHY. Start with your family. Start by understanding YOUR purpose.  Let the REVOLUTION begin in YOU.

Stand up everybody, this is your life Let me take u to another world, let me take u tonight U don't need no money, u don't need no clothes The Second Coming, anything goes Sexuality is all u'll ever need Sexuality -- let your body be free C'mon everybody, yeah, this is your life I'm talking about a revolution we gotta organize We don't need no segregation, we don't need no race New age revelation, I think we got a case I'm OK as long as u are here with me Sexuality is all we ever need Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize Everybody... Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize One time say... Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize Reproduction of a new breed -- Leaders, Stand Up, Organize We live in a world overrun by tourists Tourists -- 89 flowers on their...

So what is the issue with new leadership? Why do we continue to complain about leadership so much? We're looking for an old school way of community leadership to emerge. We're looking for Malcolm and Martin when we should be looking at everyday women and men who are working hard in our communities daily. I'm trying, myself, to determine what my place is in new leadership and how I can further process the issues that concern me. Leadership is needed all around me. I do wonder if I should fill the gap.  At the same time, I see the potential of so many who could be great leaders and who want to serve but somehow we've lost basic advocacy skills in our communities.  We are fearful of making assertive movements towards change mainly because of push back and negativity.  We must become fearless. We must be more concerned with improving the lives of present and future generations than being talked about. Leaders aren't perfect and will never be. I will always be flawed...

February 19, 2011 will be the anniversary of the death of my mother. I find myself always needing to revisit that long night and early morning right before she transcended.  Its the last moment when I touch her. 7 years have drifted past and yet time hasn't moved. I can cry as if the moment is being relived right in front of me. She left.  She moved on.  She knew we would be fine. She knew in her death I'd gain strength.  She knew I'd never fear anything again.  My mother died. I was there when the last breath came and went. I am motherless.  Spiritually, I know my mother is ever present.  She responds to my call as all the ancestors do but her laughter was healing and is missed. She was loud.  She was passionate.  She was a giving soul and loved until it hurt. She was magic. I miss it all.  I miss her getting on my nerves with corny jokes. I miss her being mad at me because I didn't call her. I miss her loving me through all of my fl...

Dream. a text message from someone stating - "I love you." This someone is distant physically, emotionally, spiritually. Dream. a little boy sitting on a bench, legs swinging, looking at me, smiling.....he knows me and I know him. Its love. Dream. What do you do with dreams that make no sense? Do you analyze or figure the dinner has manifest itself into people, places and things?  These two dreams were quick but I woke up immediately because they were very confusing. They will manifest, come alive, in some way or I need to watch what I eat for dinner.

Its so very hard to stay positive with negativity flowing like Willy Wonka's chocolate river. Let's try.  Let's try to push past negative words, negative treatment, and negative attitudes by seeking positive solutions.  Hurt feelings can creep up.  For me recently, my feelings were hurt and I became confused by the dismissive treatment I've received by someone I really admired. I responded in a passive aggressive manner but quickly realized....this person's treatment of me says nothing about who I am.  I had to change my disposition and move forward and even more so continue to...love.  I'm not speaking of romantic love but a pure, heart felt love for the human condition. Life will always show up. People will always reveal their TRUTH in action. So Love.  Continue to aspire for greatest. Continue to be compassionate.  Continue to allow the power of the Holy Spirit flow through you and guide you to the next levels of greatest to honor the Creator....

Admiration poured from my soul connecting to thought and puprose and driven by love of humanity Agape. my desire was not one to seduce. My wiles were contained in a jar for another time, another soul.  words never met words with truth, never provided space for mutual regard Anger. why am I angered? Left feeling debased. why? did you think my wiles, my admiration should bow down? Power play. tug. rejection. death by ego.

I've passed Oprah's magazine many times on the newsstand. I've admired how sometimes O looks like my mom but then I quickly turn to Jet, Ebony, Village Voice and other mags that still grace us with their celebrity news, world events, and UFO reports.  I was at the airport looking for a couple of magazines to read on the plane and I decided to take a chance on Oprah. I bought the mag plus Essence.  I thumbed through Essence first.  Essence is Essence. [shrug] I move to Oprah's mag with hopes that it wouldn't be filled with ads of blond white women, articles about Martha's Vineyard and more of Oprah's favorite things.  The first ad I see - Blond White Woman.  [deep sigh]  I didn't give up.  I flipped and flipped the pages before reading anything.  I wanted to see what O had to offer a 43 year old Black, single mother, living in the Midwest.   Give me something O.   I continue to flip and I see an article about the founders of the Reb...

We are gifted .  We are talented . We are fabulous . Confidence is what drives us to fulfill our dreams and fly beyond expectations. In all of our successes, we can not get caught up in celebrity, in our own hype. Don't believe the hype because it will come to fail you at some point. Believe that you are empowered to live a purposed driven existence.  Believe that you are a powerful child of God who is loved. And believe, we all are.  We are unique and yet we are not unique. Arrogance and Ego are the culprits. They will trip you.  You shall fall, hard.  Allow the mirror to be as honest as it can be.  Check ya self.  Check your posture.  Check your attitude.  Check the way you treat others. We are living in a time when celebrity is more important than honesty.  We are living in a time when reality is scripted and consumed as entertainment. Examine hype when it comes.  Praise has its place.  It should be given onl...

I know everyone is doing there " so long " to 2010 blog. Here is mine. What did 2010 bring me? What does reflection reveal? How should I move into 2011 with the knowledge of what I've learned? I'm actually not really wanting to look back but not because of anything negative. This has been a balanced year, ups and downs, something better known as Life .  I want to do better at looking ahead. I want to embrace possibilities and dreams and visions and be wrapped in the hope that comes. 2011 will bring more living and I want to have a better attitude about how to live better. I have an interesting task ahead.  For me, its not about how to handle hardships. Its about handling the good times and creating a space for beauty to be birthed and grow around me. I don't need to take on the world and prove I'm strong. I am . Its that simple. I'm assured of the visions for my future PROFESSIONALLY. What about Rhonda? 2010, I did nothing to create FUN for ...

Its Christmas.  I've seen all the usual suspects - The Christmas slogans. "Jesus is the reason for the season", Merry CHRISTmas, blah, blah, blah.  I understand the celebration of the birth of Christ and why people want to keep that on the forefront of every ones mind but it also seems to go against the purpose and meaning of the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.  He would have never wanted a day in celebration of Himself but of others and for it to happen daily. Let's every day celebrate each other and the love of this Christian Deity, this great man, this great LOVE. Our world is becoming more and more evil and yet more and more religious. Its confusing. I pray that on May 5th, we offer love the same way.  On July 23rd, we feed the hungry.  On September, 18th we celebrate the Love of the Christ.  Celebrate but celebrate tomorrow and next month, and next year. This Spirit should never go away.

  What is this ad about? Kim Kardashian? Death? Designer dresses? Coffin Sale? This ad is suppose to make you think and care about HIV/AIDS . You are suppose to care that you will not be able to tweet or have facebook contact with your favorite celebrity. #FAIL HIV/AIDS is too important put more emphasis on a celebrity than the issue itself. To use DEATH in this manner is misguided. World AIDS Day is December 1, 2010 Visit http://www.aids.gov for an event and testing site near you.

I AM this SONG This woman is growing weary Of having to be so strong Of having to pretend I’m made of stone So I won’t end up with no broken bones I can’t fight every battle alone I want someone to lift me Heal my wounds and give me kisses on my head Say words that should be said Fear is not the matter I would so much rather open up my heart And lay down my guard Chorus: If I could trust someone To have my back and never do me wrong Then I would give my love up Just like that stop singing this soldier song (repeat) whomever said love was overrated must not be getting’ none my independent days have had their fun but when the parties over and the workin’ day is done I just want to come home to someone I want a love to take me As I am not make me compromise myself Or be like no one else Fear is not the matter I would so much rather open up my heart And just lay down my guard