ClevaWords

When I started working at the Damien Center, I wanted to lose about 25lbs and now that number has risen to about 50lbs.  The return of the scale has revealed that I've gain about 30lbs in the past year. I stopped working out and just worked, helped my daughter, and oh, did I say worked.  Each year I've promised myself time for me and I've yet to do it.  God has made a way. I have FREE training 3 times per week. I have an accountability partner in my daughter.  I want it more than ever.  I've been wearing these layers. We're taking them off finally with the biggest weight loss challenge I've every had to face since after having my daughter.  I was focused and this will take focus.  I have to come before work and even others. Its so early in this process.  Lost 2lbs. More to go.  I'm ready. again.

God protects fools and babies.....you know that saying. I'm convinced its so very true. I have to believe in Divine justice though.  God takes care of all situations in time.  I do have to remember that all things in the dark do come to the light especially if the truth has not been fully revealed.  I'm seeing that some things are still in the dark.  Light will come.  God has to protect the heart of the fool and of the foolish perpetrator.  Yeah....today...I don't have much of a forgiving, loving heart.  AT all.

I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box. again . If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you. I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box. I'm free to be.

Detoxing is actually letting go of something you love but causes harm in some way. We can detox from so many things including people.  Its just like getting off any drug where you have to take it one day at a time.  I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Never been a 12 stepper.  I need more than sobriety. I need healing. I miss it....them....and I really do.

If you are insecure, look inward. There are no scapegoats for the way you feel about yourself. Grass is never greener. Don't compare grass. Mow your lawn and tend to your field. Intuition is different than paranoia.  Know the difference. Pray without ceasing. You can only know what you see and experience but there's more going on and in the works.  All things, good and bad, work to strengthen you and make you better. Bad things are good. Change is good.  If you need love, look no further than to the One that dwell inside of you.

still debating on a sleeve tattoo. hmmm......

Look in the mirror. Decide. Where are you in your life? Who are you? Where are you? Why are you making the decisions you're making? Learn from your journey. I am a spiritual being. Not many are nowadays but I believe in a God and I believe I have a direct connection to that Spiritual Being who provides me with wisdom. I believe though we must seek this wisdom. We must know that there is something greater than our circumstances. Change will come but there is a way to handle change with grace.  God knows the end. We are to seek a way to that end and live our purpose.  What is today may not be tomorrow. I've learned this through breakups, deaths, and losses but I survived. I'm here.  I keep moving forward through all adversity and I'm learning more and more.....and more...I must pray.  I must seek the spiritual to understand and move through the physical. I still walk primarily a Christian path but I know that there is more to Spirituality than what has been taught v...

Learned a great lesson in friendship today. Love them through it.  Leave them to learn it.  Watch them become it. Its about the journey.  God will provide a way, protection, and truth. We have to be open to accept responsibility, to accept truth, and to learn. We have to always pray, pray without ceasing. We are each made for our own personal journeys through life. We can't follow the map for someone else but learn our own map for life and walk through it. Friendships develop out of honesty, love, and trust. Anytime anyone of those falters, the connection has changed.  The need for that connection has changed. Even the desire for that connection has changed.  Restoration comes from first understanding there has been a change, there was a need for it, and that a new connection has to be established to return again.  This is with all levels of relationships -family, friendships, and love.  To be restored, you have to be renewed. New eyes - scales ...

What is the truth? Where do you find it? Where do you look? What are you really looking for? Honesty. Truth. What? What is driving you to seek? Intuition? Hunger? Loss? Fear? The biggest part of this.....is to start in the right place.  Start with Prayer.

1 I WILL bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.    2 My life makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble and afflicted hear and be glad.     3 O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.     4 I sought (inquired of) the Lord and required Him [of necessity and on the authority of His Word], and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.     5 They looked to Him and were radiant; their faces shall never blush for shame or be confused.     6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.     7 [ a ] The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him [who revere and worship Him with awe] and each of them He delivers.     8 O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him.  ...

The concept of "family" has changed for me.  Family isn't only the people who are a part of a bloodline but whothose love you unconditionally, who are in your corner, and who want the best for you. Can this be your so-called blood? Of course it can.  I have great family members but I also know that "family" can destroy your soul.   I've learned to talk in terms of supportive systems, love circles, and family that reaches outside of blood and obligation. I love my Family which is made of sister friends who love me wholeheartedly and embrace me entirely.  I can't say that for some who are called family by blood. We all need FAMILY and some of us have family by design and not by birth.  Celebrate those who God has brought into your life to love on you and let them.

I have to really think about how I've allowed myself to be used so badly by someone for YEARS.  I know I was being used...NOW. I didn't before.  I thought I was cool with this person who really didn't celebrate our friendship but kept it in a box and secretive because of their own messes.  I allowed it.  I loved this person wholeheartedly.  I thought we'd have a great, long lasting friendship.  I pleaded with this person to stop treating our friendship as some hidden thing. We shouldn't have been that. We were just really cool.  There was some attraction but I really LONGED for the cool friendship.   Never happened.  I stayed in a box and now I know, I was never really the friend but just a....hell, I don't know.  The love I was feeling now....turning into resentment and hatred really.  I've really been treated unfairly in some way and I played myself out badly.  I allowed it.  I'm sad about it.  Now, I have t...