Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Obessive Complusive Disorder Meet Bulimia Nervosa

In the past, I've blogged about having bulimia, the struggles of recovering through tough times like my mother's death and unemployment, and finally admitting it to the world that this is my issue.  I'm a recovering bulimic. I'm not ashamed. I'm not embarrassed.

Later, I started to notice other aspects of my behavior that easily could have always been there but I wasn't paying attention.  I knew it was some sort of anxiety disorder because I needed things in a certain way, I needed to control situations around me. I needed to have controlled order.  What was going on?

After speaking with doctor, she said, "You have low level OCD".  I'm like, "What?"   I don't touch things over and over.  I don't obessive clean [wish I did].  What did she say that? My racing thoughts and my workholism were indicators.  I feel horrible not doing some sort of work and this does get in my way of enjoying life at times.  At the same time, I've learning to balance my life and purposely taking time for myself but OCD is still lurking.

With Bulimia, I no longer binge and purge but like any mental disorder, you have to stay on top of it.   I'm aware and I'm doing my best to make other women aware of this illness and helping them know that its a daily fight for a healthy mindset and even though my OCD creeps in there, I'm ok, I'm good.

Everything that happens to us in life has to manifest.  For me, this is how I allowed my mind to cope with the stresses in my life.  I have to rethink everything from food, my body, control, and work. I have to learn to say NO, my plate is full.  I can't do anymore work today.  Food is not my enemy.  I have learned to work with it.  My body is beautiful no matter the shape or size (this is an affirmation).  I am Fly.

Its ok that OCD is a part of my life right now. I see now it works. I see how I must get control over it.

I appreciate the revelation that has come from above. I'm work with God in this and through this.  My journey is for you, whomever needs it to move on with their lives to live better.  Its about OUR collective healing.

1 comment:

butterfli said...

Low level OCD hmmmm yeah I self diagnosed OCP because what I do is more tied to personality, it's there all the time and I can't stifle it but I can consciously ignore. My youngest has this and I would say she is moderately OCP because she does not ritualize but she and her two best friends have to have things just so. A pocket pulled out and showing, a lid left open on the ketchup, certain foods touching, etc. really really bother her and always have. Thanks as usual for affirming the affinity I feel with you. Thanks for sharing and making me think and appreciate.
peace and blessings
buttah