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Running for the hills

The moment of truth....is now. I'm running for the hills. As much as I blogged about love, I'm coming to the revelation that I don't trust anyone to do it. So, I may have to run for the hills again. I've been single for so long that maybe I'm terrified of the entire process.


As much as I admire every man in my circle, I can't say I trust any of them. That's VERY deep, twisted, and hurtful but I really just thought about it. Who do I trust in my world that is male? As much as long for male energy, I find it hurtful, deceitful, and abusive.

so are YOU running yet.....


I'm not jaded because I know that its MY issue. I know (when I'm sane) that men can be committed, loving and trustworthy. I haven't experienced it but I've seen it for others so I know its real.

Maybe I haven't really experienced that 'true love' thing. Maybe I'm still wondering if I'm good enough. Maybe I'm PMSing and will read this next week and think....what the hell was I on.

Maybe its all of the above. Clevawords is about me being RAW and honest and even exposed.

I'm being real. Even as the women's health guru, I suffer from the same "disease" as women. I'm in recovery from abusive and neglectful relationships, a distant father, and utter confusion about men.

Heal thyself.

Working on me is so important. So maybe its time for me to retreat. Maybe its time for me to just let go of any possibilities of anything right now because I'm emotionally ....well...off.

I really don't know....but I do have on my gym shoes. I'm looking at the hills and I got my jog going on.


I could careless what anyone thinks about my vulnerability at this point. I don't care if I sound like a nut. I'm not superfreakin' woman. Hell....i'm human...AND I'm a woman. If one man could recognize that, they win the prize...lol.

jog, jog, job.....I'll return from the hills....renewed and truly ready for the person who is truly ready for me.

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.