ClevaWords

Wrestling with the emotions of streaming thoughts as the sea moans with displeasure of the winds the twisted mindset moves away from sweet words dripping from lying lips Walking towards light as I awaken from a slumber of loneliness confused by my solitude something embraced as needed but quiet moments reminders of emptiness Can I arise beautiful? Moving forth in perfection knowing my past is no more than a stepping stones to strength let me be no more confused sound

I completely believe in being honest almost to a fault. No matter the friendship or relationship if you can't be authentically yourself, the friendship/relationship isn't real. Agreeing with bull so that you seem to be on the same page just makes for a bullshit/false situation. For you to be my friend, we don't have to agree or like the same things. For you to be my lover, we don't have to agree or like the same things (all the time). I've seen friendships that are like "You're so right. You're so great. You're so wonderful" and I'm thinking...bullshit. My sisterfriends take me to the carpet. If they disagree, they disagree. In relationships, I'm not going to agree with bs just because we're together and I want to give the appearance that we are so PERFECT together. I think I just can't stand BS and it pisses me off. Love doesn't mean everything is always Perfect and even agreeable. You have to be able to check the p...

I think I will officially get back on the market this summer. Ready for a partner in crime. So - Here I am. :) Spiritual, Driven, Goofy, Sexy Chica!!!

3am mindset pours out wondrous possibilities exploration of the deepest wishes imagination is invoking secret dreams chimera things never to manifest 3am mindset takes me to open my eyes the little girl playing with Mary the friend who I could only see but was real because she was me 3am mindset wiles, seduction power trippin' intoxicated on my own pimp game remember when you were THAT chick? no more 3am calls me mindset unsure each night of what is next can I be that Chick invokin' imagination love lust la la la la

Today - I told my boss that the way they run the org makes me want to SCREAM!! I vented. I can't take the nonsense anymore but my battle has been - "Rhonda, just be grateful you have a job and shut it!" But do I need to lose my integrity, get stepped on because there is a recession? God never said to be foolish. I keep being told, "You're there for a reason." WHATEVER!! Sometimes folks can be TOO spiritual (if that's possible). I'm miserable and I shouldn't be. Its a mission that I support. I still enjoying working in HIV/STD prevention but damn. I don't enjoy this. I'm almost jealous of their building even. I keep thinking....CWUW could REALLY use this space wisely. I know I shouldn't covet anything but the building is SWEET. Nonetheless, I have to now grind for a new gig. I'll find something. Just need to do it soon, before the kid graduates. I'm not really tired as in weary but I'm physically tired mos...

Hoping time does its job and allow my heart to resolve the mess its created I cared more than I've ever said but tried to show I allowed my heart fight principle to the death sacrificing integrity for thrill, compliments, and passion I feel the loss even though it was a fantasy miss you.

Real Thang (Soulflip Remix) - Erykah Badu

Passionately I strive to capture the vision in my heart I toil over how and why and when this labor is long tiresome some days, I do feel I seek the seed planted inside of me I've come to terms that I will walk this path alone I will find strength within myself to persevere hard days do The thing I seek.... come but I know that I am strong enough to carry the weight I seek this out more than anything Self motivation is all I have but there are times when I need to rest when I just want to lay my head down on supportive shoulders and just breathe My dream will manifest The plan will come forth The birth is near written 6/8/08 - the birth has come

A muse to the freedom sought in the deepest dreams Secrecy of sensual words wiles, exotic talk seems to purify the murky waters the maybes and whys Two worlds never to collide one giving love the other being danger, sensuality in the dark Confusion arises one offering both leaving the other behind let it not be Foolishness Wisdom is that of a pure heart One to answer the call of what the Divine wants and not our minds desire HIS way will be made known Freedom will now arise from Truth for the inner man no more secret passions in the night all will be in the highest point of the day let it be

The Evolutionary Enlightenment teachings of Andrew Cohen The Ego An Anti-Evolutionary Force There is a profound contrast between the enlightened perspective, which is the absolute, universal, and impersonal view of the Authentic Self, and the unenlightened perspective, which is the relative, separate, and personal view of the narcissistic ego. It is literally the difference between heaven and hell. When I speak about ego, I am not using the term in the psychological sense, which usually refers to what we could call a self-organizing function in the psyche. In an enlightenment context, the word ego refers to something else altogether. Ego is the deeply ingrained, compulsive need to remain separate and superior at all times, in all places, under all circumstances. In contrast to the inherent freedom of the Self Absolute and the fearless passion of the Authentic S...

nasty me Dippin' into your fantasy nasty as I wanna be lick you there kiss you here pull me close, pull me near close your eyes and you will see the other side, naughty me Pretend as you will late at night I'm your thrill Cleverly I am to thee your chocolate sexy fantasy

It just hit me.... I'm a CATCH!! hahahah. I'm smart. I'm focused. I'm sorta funny. I'm sorta sexy..... dang!! Why AM I single? Dudes are falling all over lesser babes..... Get at me! hahahahha. Just had a moment of conceit....

You know the moment you declare, "I'm peaceful!!" here comes chaos to knock at your door. It was knocking early so I took out my bible and I found some peace but chaos is bold and it came back, this time ringing the door bell. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Then I thought, let me take a look at this from God's perspective. What do I need to see in this situation? I think its no more than a warning for me to be guarded and to prepare to handle this going forward. I get it. There's another situation where I think a person who is a friend can't really handle our friendship and has to pull back for a number of reasons. Understand but communication is key. Say what is on your mind or you leave the other person there to fill in the blanks and I have an active imagination. :) God will constantly keep you growing and developing if you embrace him. I'm all for it. I'm learning to be patient and to wait on his timing for all things to work itself out and it wil...

I woke up feeling good. I woke up thanking God for his Divine love and protection. I had a dream the other night where I was standing in a house surrounded by children. They were children protecting me. They were both inside and outside of the house. Outside of the house was a man standing there staring at me. The children kept him from getting to me. He was EVIL. We stared each other down and no matter how much he tried to get to me, the children wouldn't allow it. He feared the children. It was creepy but powerful. I understood the dream. God let me know he's got me and with that, peace just over took me. In all of this "alone" time since the death of many family members, I've really had to look from within to find out who I am. I've always had some confidence on some level but nothing like this. God has shone me that He has my back and that He is my provider and most importantly, that He believes in me. That drives me. It makes me HAPPY. You ...

Today, I was about to get back to work on some CWUW stuff and my body shut down. Man, I need to stop pushing myself like this. I really couldn't move and I felt so tired. I felt guilty for wasting a day. So, I feel like I have to take today to work. I'm going to have to remind myself to slow down and chill. 3rd blog about the same thing....am I not getting the message? grrrrrrrrrrrrr

the mountains still move with just one little seed my soul still is connected to the Universe as I am connected to the Divine passionately my tears mean more than an drop of rain I love so deeply that my heart is scarred from just the thought of it all human Not super yet awesomely created angels come to heed the call human no need for amazing strength only love me I remain a motherless child longing for her touch, hug, and love driven by the need to be one with Yeshua, to manifest love at all times giving my all to my child, blessed she is in my presence, loving me as I her Gods perfection and yet I'm just human not super awesomely created to know the divine mysteries human flawed and yet perfect me

I love the song by Amel called Weary but never thought of myself as such but today, I am. I've never been so physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted....well, not since the Kid was an infant. My body aches. My mind tries to think of creative things and I'm too tired to let anything manifest from my soul. WOW.... How to replenish myself is the question? Its almost like a test of sorts. So many women are alone and are single mothers who need to take the time to revitalize their spirits and don't know who. I'm wondering the same today. Its easy if you have someone there to rub ya feet, fix you dinner, and maybe even do some thinking for it. Its so hard to be IT. I'm tired and I'm struggling this week to pull it back together. I've never looked my worse. My nails, my feet and most days I don't wear makeup. Its like the hustle has me 100%. There's no time for all of that...right? Syd even made me take the time to get my eyebrows do...

YAY for CWUW!! We received our determination letter and so we are on and poppin'. WOW...I think this must be like the musician that finally gets the record deal and now its time to produce. We're ready. I need to blast my horn I think. I'm busting my ASS. Fun is put aside most of the time so I can get things done. I guess I don't see this as something just for me and the Kid but I'm trying to leave something here for Indy, my legacy. I giggled at the fact that I've not read anything but journals and studies for that past few years. Today I copied, "Principles for Good Governance and Ethical Practice". Exciting huh? I'm moving into some mom stuff too. Gotta get the kid on track. We are in the last leg of this stage of her life and I can see she's ready but still needs guidance. May is approaching. :) I don't like to get caught up in me AT ALL but damn it, with God's guidance and love, I'm making this work. I'll stay si...

It seems just the possibility is addicting the desire of holding you manifests dreams never imagined my reality seems to be in perfection how can I long for a thought, a hope, a possibility

I have no words. My body aches. I'm tired, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No one to say you are great. No one run bath. No one tuck me in. I will take care of me. Quietly. No bothering with the bullshit of others who tells lies to their souls. Who in their own insecurities masks hidden wants and needs. My head falls to the side. I type with determination because my soul aches. Who will rub the head of God's child? Who dears to believe that she maybe in need? Strength and power are given to me as gifts of life and I am cursed for it. Driven, I am alone. My droppy eyes tell no tales. I love me because....who else will.

lustfully you see hips and thighs shapely curvaceous rubbing and grinding thoughtfully it can be more than you imagine really? lips parted awaiting the kiss longed for late night lusciously my hands where you dreamed they would be lovingly giving pleasure really? my hands wrapped in your hair pulling as I feel you hands on hips and thighs shapely curvaceous rubbing and grinding Thoughtfully I am more.

the bluest sky succumbs to cloudy days my bold ways can be weaken with the simplest of words passionately I move through finite days with the hope of love everlasting, touching and gripping my soul I dream of that day, when I love the clouds as the bluest sky learning all parts of my being are Divine and love is near