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Didn't you know?






-Oh hey...

Ooh hey
I’m trying to decide
Which way to go
I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

Ooh hey
I’m trying to decide
Which way to go
I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Tried to move but I lost my way
Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Stopped to watch my emotions sway
Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Knew the toll, but I would not pay
Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Cause you never know where the cards may lay

Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don’t know
So many times I’ve changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain’t scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back

Ooh hey
I’m trying to decide
Which way to go
I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

Ooh hey
I’m trying to decide
Which way to go
I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Tried to run but I lost my way
Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Stopped to watch my emotions sway
Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
Knew the toll but I would not pay
Didn’t cha know, didn’t cha know
I said ya never know how the cards may lay

Love is life, and life is free
Take a ride on life with me
Free your mind and find your way
There will be a brighter day

Love is life, and life is free
Take a ride on life with me
Free your mind and find your way
There will be a brighter day






This song actually says everything I'm thinking and feeling right now. I truly do not have to write another word. Believe that.

This isn't about what I know God will do, who God is, etc. This is about what I feel. I want to just feel. I'm angry and sad. I'm tired. I'm hopeful. I'm focused.

This past week was an emotional roller-coaster that I really just wanted to get off but I just strapped myself in. My day job continues to be a thorn in my side but I've done a lot to change my attitude. Nonetheless, I want to leave. I had the principal of Shortridge tell me how much the kids love us there and when I walked into the room on Friday, to hear the girls cheer that I came, to see their smiles, that was so satisfying. I needed that.

I had to be the leader and make changes to CWUW and it was harder than expected mostly because I really did and still do take that situation personally. I'm hoping that I've handled it as professionally as possible.



"But I'm not scared to take the weight"




Then of course, the accident on Friday. This isn't about the car but about having one more thing to handle. Accidents do happen but the timing was horrible. (giggle) I just don't FEEL like dealing with it. Doesn't mean I won't or can't but that I just simply don't want to. I don't feel like it but I will, first thing in the morning be on the phone with the insurance company and move forward. I will go to DC and represent Girls Inc professionally and do my job well. I will continue to make sure CWUW moves forward with integrity and honesty. I will do what I always do but my feelings are very surface. I know how to push through and persevere. Right now, I'm just wanting to smile. I really haven't laughed and smiled in a while.



"I tried to run but I lost my way"

It was suggested not to drive my car too much so I sat. Bored. The feelings came but the oddest thing poured out, mom. I remembered a moment when I took Syd to the hospital to see mom. Mom was very, very ill and I knew I had to make Syd go. I remembered how Syd couldn't look at mom and she started crying. I remember mom just feeling so horrible. She felt responsible for making Syd feel badly. Just how mom was.....and then I just cried. Not a little teary eyed cry but one of those deep cries. The pain was coming out. I needed her. It was clear, the grief was still so present. I cried so hard my eyes were puffy and my chest hurt. I did my scream......and moved on. I ate and ate and ate. All just emotional eating. I was pure emotion yesterday and I wanted to be there. I didn't want to hear about God and anything but I needed to FEEL. I didn't want to be a robot. I'm sad. I wanted to be SAD.

"There will be a brighter day"


There will be a brighter day......today is a new day. I'll work on smiling. I'll work on living.

I'm just a woman on this rock just like anyone.....or didn't you know?



no editing....ya know I just let my fingers type whatever.....you do the corrections.

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.